


Everlasting Friend

by littleoopie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Childhood Friends, Erections, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Growing Up, High School, M/M, Middle School, Minor Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Eren Yeager, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Armin Arlert, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Reincarnation, Reunions, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23825545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleoopie/pseuds/littleoopie
Summary: Eren has memories of a past life where he was with Levi. But Levi doesn't remember. The boys grow up together, but due to circumstances lose contact. After a period of time they reconnect--can they make things work out?Note--the first few chapters are going to be when the boys are in middle school (approximately 6-8 grade) and then high school before a time skip. The rating WILL GO UP to EXPLICIT.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 17
Kudos: 62





	1. First Day of School

Eren woke up feeling dismal. He knew he was supposed to be excited, he knew everyone else was excited, he knew he was supposed to be rushing out, ready to face a new year of school—and this time around he’d be reunited with Levi. BUT he also knew that despite all of what he was supposed to be feeling what he was REALLY feeling was…horrible.

He snuggled back down into his blankets, sneaked a peek at his alarm clock and realized he had three minutes until it blared into life. No matter how much he begged his mom to allow him to use his phone as an alarm she made him keep it in the kitchen overnight. _She doesn’t trust me_ , he thought, sulkily, already determined to make the day miserable.

 _Levi_ , Eren thought. _He doesn’t remember._ As far as Eren could tell, he was the only one who could remember the past. Even his other friends, even those who could turn into Titans, didn’t remember what happened to them ‘before’. At first Eren thought his memories were dreams. Vivid, horrific dreams, but once he began school and met kids who were in those dreams he realized that he was either psychic or his dreams were memories.

Most of his memories revolved around three people: Armin, Mikasa, and Levi. Eren met Armin and Mikasa in Kindergarten. They were in the same half-day class that he was in, their parents dropped them off in the mornings and then, after they became friends, they worked something out so that one parent would pick up all three of the kids and they would have play dates until later in the afternoon. Eren had loved Kindergarten. He stayed with the duo all throughout elementary school.

Levi was Eren’s neighbor. He had known Levi since his family moved into their home when he was four. He still remembers the first time he saw him. Levi was 2 years older, a serious and quiet little boy.

* * *

June 8 years earlier

“Mama! Mama! I saw a little boy outside! He has black hair and is wearing shorts, and is reading a book, and is probably bored because he’d rather be playing than reading because reading isn’t very fun, playing is more fun than reading, and I want to go and see if he wants to play!” Erenmanaged to get his request out in one non-stop sentence, worried that his mom, who was sitting amidst stacks of boxes in the kitchen, would say no.

“Did you see him in the back yard where the fence is or the front yard where the cars are?” his mom asked.

“The back yard!” Eren yelled—knowing that he wasn’t allowed in the small front yard where the cars zipped by the house too quickly for his parents' liking.

“Hmm,” she hummed, “ok, you can see…BUT, I want you to come in and let me know what you are doing and if you are going to play in the back yard. There’s a fence all around our yard and the neighbors’ together. So, he must be our neighbor. You be nice!”

“Ok, ok! I will!” Eren rushed out though the stacked boxes in the kitchen to the side door where the screen slammed shut, alerting the other boy that someone was on their way. 

That’s when Eren got his first good look at him. “Levi!”

Images bombarded Eren’s mind. Dreams he had of Captain Levi Ackerman, the man who he had admired for so long. The man who had caused him to join the Scouting Legion, who shared his love of freedom beyond the walls. The man who taught him to make the choice that you’ll regret the least. This was the man he flew through the trees with. And, even though Eren was only 4, and even though the words in his dreams didn’t make any sense to his young mind, there was one thing he knew: he loved his Captain.

A huge grin split Eren’s face. His eyes lit up, and he ran up to Levi, kneeling down to the older boy who was seated under a big oak tree in the yard. “Hey, Levi!”

If Eren expected Levi to jump up and embrace him, he was disappointed. In fact, Levi’s gaze held no recognition at all.

“Levi? Don’t you remember me? It’s me. Eren! Eren Jaeger! I’m a Titan, remember? We can fly through trees together?” The more Eren said, the quieter his voice got, and the more incredulous Levi’s look became.

“Uh, Eren?” Levi finally spoke. “I don’t know you, and I don’t know what a Titan is and I’ve never flown through trees.” His voice was clipped and precise, and Eren felt his eye fill with tears, certain that his heart had broken.

“Oh,” Eren spoke quietly, “It’s ok. Wanna play something? I live next door.” He could tell that Levi could sense his disappointment, but he also was too invested in being Levi’s friend, even if Levi didn’t remember.

“Um, sure. Let me finish this, first,” Levi said, looking down at his lap. Eren looked down, too, noticing that Levi wasn’t reading, he was drawing.

“Wow, Levi! Look at those trees! They are so big! They sure do look like the trees in the forests! Have you ever been to the forests here?” Eren asked, thinking that if Levi didn’t remember him or flying then maybe he’s visited some great coniferous forests here.

“Nope,” Levi answered, succinctly, “It’s like the pictures are in my head and I have to get them out.”

“Ah, gotcha…” Eren sat down and waited…as patiently as a 4 year old could, mesmerized by the way that Levi’s pencil moved over the paper.

* * *

For a few years they had been inseparable. Levi and Eren. Eren and Levi. Almost as much as the trio of Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. But, as Levi grew older, he began to spend more time with friends his own age, as much as it hurt Eren to see. By the time Levi moved on to middle school—sixth grade—he never willingly spent time with Eren anymore. The only time that Eren really saw Levi was either on the bus or when Levi would watch him for an hour or two if Eren’s mom went shopping after school. Those afternoons were ones that Eren looked forward to; sneaking peeks at Levi doing his homework at the table while he was supposed to be working on his own. Levi would always catch him, give him a look, and tell him to get to his own work, before turning his eyes back to the page.

Eren always wondered what Levi thought about him. He knew he could be obnoxious. He knew he could be loud and forceful. Some people, ok, ok, essentially Armin and Mikasa, said that those traits were part of his charm, but he worried that the person he wanted to impress the most hated him because of it.

The blaring of the alarm caused him to jump out of bed.

“I’m up! I’m up!”

“Eren,” his dad yelled from down the stairs, “come on down! It’s your fist day of middle school! Aren’t you excited to see all of your fiends again?”

“I’m coming”, Eren called, groaning at the idea of being in the same building as Levi, having to see him interact with the older kids day in and day out. _Wait…maybe…maybe this will be the year that I can finally get him to notice me seriously. Maybe this will be the year that he’ll see that I’m not just the neighbor brat._

Eren went to the bathroom that was attached to his room, washed his face, and put on his deodorant. He looked up at himself in the mirror, groaning, “Ok, Eren, if it’s going to be this year we’ve got to spend some time to work with what we have.”

Pushing back his unruly hair, he tried to brush it into some semblance of order. Of course, once the brush went through it, it went back to its normal state. Sighing in defeat, he shook his head and went back to his room to get dressed, choosing some of the clothes he and his mom bought for the new school year.

Heading downstairs for breakfast, he stopped to say hi to his dad, knowing that he’d be sitting in the living room, watching some old anime. Even though his dad was a doctor, and he was an adult, you’d think that he would be watching the news or even sports, but no, his dad loved to watch old animes in the morning before he got ready for work.

“Are you ready? Want me to drive you in? I don’t have my shift until later today.”

“Nah—it’s ok. I’m going to grab something to eat, then I have to brush my teeth, and then I’m going to walk over to Mikasa and Armin’s bus stop and catch the bus with them,” Eren replied, knowing full well that his dad would realize why he was heading over there.

“Ah, don’t want to wait with Levi, huh?”

For the past year Eren had been walking to the next bus stop over—it was only a few blocks—to wait with Mikasa and Armin instead of standing in awkward silence with Levi at his own bus stop, right in front of Levi’s house, where it was just the two of them. The bus driver was an old guy who didn’t seem to care as long as the kids all ended up at the right house. But Eren cared. The year that Levi moved into middle school, when he stopped willingly playing with Eren, the silence at the bus stop became almost painful for Eren. For an entire year Eren dreaded waiting for the bus. No matter what he said Levi would either ignore him or would just glare at him out of the corner of his eye. What had happened to the smiles and laughs that they had shared? Sure, Levi wasn’t the kind of guy to laugh hysterically at things, but he’d chuckle and smile occasionally. But when Eren started fourth grade and Levi started sixth that stopped. Eren still had no idea what had happened.

“Nah, it’s not that far, and I haven’t seen them in a while. Plus, you know Levi, he likes to be alone, so…” Eren’s voice drifted off, not convincing his dad at all.

“Ok, buddy, sure. Get some breakfast.” His dad unpaused the anime, and sat back.

Eren rounded the corner into the kitchen, opened the cupboard and grabbed the box of PopTarts only to jump at seeing his mom sitting at the kitchen table looking at him over her cup of coffee.

“First of all…really? PopTarts? Second of all…how the hell are you supposed to GET Levi to talk with you if you never want to interact with him?!”

Eren sighed. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to get out of this. Putting the PopTarts away he got out the frying pan and pulled out the carton of eggs and the orange juice. His mom was just as tenacious as he was. The had a saying in their family—you get it honest. And man, did Eren get it honest.

As Eren sprayed the pan with Pam and cracked 2 eggs for a quick scramble, he glanced over at his mom, wondering how much he could get away with keeping out. “Look, Mom, he just never wants to talk…” Paying attention to the eggs he noticed her stand and get a glass from a cupboard for his orange juice. He also noticed that the movie must be paused again. _Great, Dad’s listening in, too._

“Well, how would you know if he wants to talk if you never try to talk to him?” she asked, handing him a plate to push the eggs onto.

Sighing again, he knew that he sounded like an emotional teen. Hell, he was barely even a teenager. Walking to the sink he put the pan in it, and finally sat down at the table.

“Really—what does it even matter? Sometimes people just drift apart, right? And, it’s not like I don’t have other friends—I do!—and it’s not like he doesn’t have other friends—he does!—so, this isn’t some after school special where one kid is being bullied and the other kid has to be the hero. Like, here, we’re both fine, and neither of us are bad and neither of us need a hero, ok?” Eren realized he was rambling, but he hoped that they understood what he meant. He reached for the lazy susan that was in the middle of the table looking for the tobasco to shake on his eggs.

“Ok, honey, if you say so…” his mom said, “even though I know you’ve been in love with that boy since you were four years old.”

Eren felt the heat engulf his face. “Whew! Wow—too much tabasco sauce!—Uh, that’s not true, Mom! I just really looked up to him is all. He was super cool, and…”

The look his mom gave him let him know that she didn’t buy that excuse at all, “Sure, Eren. That’s why you’d always tell me that he was the prettiest boy you ever saw and when you two got married and were husbands that you were going to buy him flowers all the time so he would know how beautiful you thought he was.”

“When did I say that?” Eren’s voice squeaked out— _perfect time for it to squeak, thanks…—_ not remembering that occasion at all.

“It was the night of your uncles’ wedding and you were so excited to know that two men could get married. You were about—six, maybe?— and were so sleepy and cute and you went on and on about how much you loved Levi. I mean, I knew you had a little crush before that, but after that night, I began to take it seriously. Even when you had a few girlfriends I thought, nah, he’s just biding time for Levi.”

“Mom! I was a kid. Kids say stupid stuff like that all the time. Like, remember when I thought his house was a doctor’s office because of how clean he wanted things to be? Stupid.”

“Haha!” his mom chuckled, “that was stupid.”

“Ok, I’m going to go brush my teeth. Thanks for the talk,” Eren said horribly sarcastically.

“You’re welcome, honey!” she replied, sincerely.

* * *

Eren saw Armin and Mikasa waiting at the bus stop in front of Armin’s house, chatting quietly. “Hey!” he yelled, grabbing their attention.

They both turned to look at him, smiling, Armin’s smile, unsurprisingly larger than Mikasa’s little twitch of the lips.

“Good morning, Eren—fancy seeing you here. How come you didn’t—“ Armin’s questioning was abruptly stopped with a shove to his side as Mikasa gave him a look. “Uh, I mean…yeah…good morning, you look…good.”

“Whatever, you two. You know why I’m here. There’s no reason to ignore it. It’s just so awkward there. BUT! I’ve come to the conclusion that this is the year that I’m going to win him over!”

“Finally…” Mikasa muttered.

“Wait—you mean…romantically?” Armin sputtered.

“Uh—oh! No, not romantically.” _Yet_ , thought Eren. “Just as friends.” _For now. Then once he sees that I can be his friend, maybe then…?_

Eren wasn’t really sure about his sexuality. He did find girls attractive, but whenever Levi was around his eyes always drifted to wherever Levi was—regardless of whoever else was there. When the other kids talked about love or being in love, Eren thought they were just talking about shit they didn’t understand yet or things they had heard about in movies. All he knew was that Levi was like a magnet. The minute he saw him his eyes were drawn to him and it was so hard to keep his eyes away.

The sound of the bus alerted the trio that it was on its way and they stood back from the curb. Armin and Mikasa had continued chatting while Eren had gone silent. The bus squealed to a halt and the doors squeaked open, letting the kids on. Eren walked up the steps, immediately looking to the seat that was unofficially Levi’s. His eyes flickered there for a second, barely grazing Levi’s form before he forced his eyes away to appear normal. _Oh shit, he looks good today. Why does he always look so good. Calm down. I don’t look bad._

“Ok, kid, choose a seat.” The bus driver broke Eren out of his inner monologue and he sat down next to Armin, blushing.

“What the heck was that about?” Armin asked.

Mikasa leaned into the aisle and raised her eyebrow with a smirk, not even needing to ask. Mikasa and Levi were cousins, just like from then. Here they were second cousins, but they didn’t hang out much. Despite that, Eren noticed that a lot of their looks and body language was similar. They both had understated, yet strong, personalities. Neither of them were loud or effusive. _Why is it, then, that Mikasa loves me and Levi loathes me?_ There’s no answer there to that.

“Nothing, I just zoned out for a sec. Exited about the new year! A new building. Uh…yeah…” Eren’s explanation faded out, and he could tell that neither Mikasa or Armin were buying it. The bus stopped twice more to pick up students before it ended its trip to the middle school. Eren sat up straight in the seat, leaning at an angle trying to sneak a glimpse at Levi, who sat farther in the back with the other 8th graders. Looking back, he finally saw him, only for their eyes to meet. _Shit!_ Eren’s whole body flinched, and he slunk down into the seat, hearing a chuckle from the rear of the bus.

“What the heck was THAT?” Armin asked, starting to get worried about Eren’s stranger than normal behavior.

“Levi was looking at me…” Eren whispered.

“Are you sure?” Armin whispered back.

By now the trio was huddled in the front as the other kids were gathering their book bags and trying to get off of the bus.

“Ahem—come on, move it…kids.” A rough and deeper voice reprimanded the 6th graders to move out of the way.

Eren looked up, straight into Levi’s gray eyes and swore he could have a heart attack.

“Sorry!” He yelped, grabbing his book bag and launching himself into the aisle. Armin followed him and Mikasa just looked at her cousin disinterestedly. _Oh my God, I think I’m going to die. And he called us kids. Like, he thinks I’m a kid. I’m not on the same level as him. Gah._

Eren knew he was overthinking things, especially as he saw Mikasa roll her eyes at Levi. He smiled at Mikasa, looked at Levi, gathered all of his courage, and said, “Sorry.” _This is the year. I can’t do it by being afraid._

Levi looked surprised. “Whatever, brat. Just get going.” He looked Eren straight in the eyes though, and Eren didn’t back down, and he didn’t flinch.

Walking down the aisle after Armin, Eren and Mikasa went to their lockers and then to their homerooms. Eren didn’t share his homeroom with Armin or Mikasa, so they hung out in the hallway for a few minutes before. He figured that this would become their usual routine.

“Woah, Eren,”Armin remarked, ”I’m so impressed that you not only spoke to Levi, but you looked him square in the eyes! When was the last time you did that without freaking out?”

“Yeah! Well, I figured that if I want him to be my friend again I have to show him that I’m not some little kid, but if I act like I’m afraid of him all the time, then he’s going to treat me like a little kid, right?”

“Right,”said Mikasa,“But I still don’t see what’s so special about Levi. You have a lot of friends already, and they are good friends. What makes Levi so special?”

“I think it’s just because he was my first best friend and then for some reason he stopped talking to me—and he never explained why. Maybe if he even explained it and we didn’t go back to being friends it would be fine.”

“So, basically, you’re saying that you need closure,” Armin assessed.

Mikasa nodded.

Eren shrugged. “I would like to have him as my friend, but if he can’t be, or if he won’t be, then I’d like to know what happened to make him stop talking to me.”

* * *

By lunch time, 5th period, Eren had seen Levi four times. The grades were pretty well segregated, but he was hoping that in some of the non-academic classes, like Music and PE, his last two classes, he’d be lucky enough to share the space with some 8th graders.

He looked around, trying to see who he knew, and was glad to find Armin already seated at a table searching for him. “Armin!” He yelled, blushing when he noticed several heads turn his way. He decided to ignore them as he made his way thought the crowd to his short, blond friend. Once he got the table his heart lept to his throat as he noticed that Levi and some older kids were seated a few empty slots down on the long, rectangular lunch tables. He glanced to the kids as they dropped off their bags and started to get into line, noting that Levi was slotted in between a smaller girl with reddish blonde hair and a tall blond, buff guy.

“Armin,” he whispered, “who the hell is that buff in 8th grade?”

Armin chuckled, “If you think he’s buff, wait until you see some of the kids who came from the other school! But, I overheard the girl call him Erwin.”

Rose Middle School was a conglomeration of two smaller elementary schools. Eren had gone to school with some of the kids in his classes at Shiganshina Elementary, but some of the kids were new to him, having come from Titan Elementary. _That’s cool, though, I have new chances to meet people and to make new friends._

As Eren and Armin got into line they saw Mikasa come in and pointed to where they were sitting. She dropped off her bags and hopped into line with them.

“Classes?” She asked, quickly, looking ahead to see what was for lunch.

“Eh, I have almost all of my regular academic classes in the morning,” Eren replied, “ So, far they seem ok. You?”

“Eh…” She muttered, shrugging.

They both looked at Armin, who was staring ahead of them at the group of 8th graders.

“Uh, Armin…classes?” Eren asked.

“Eren…I don’t want to freak you out…” Armin started, immediately freaking Eren out.

“Then don’t begin a sentence like that! What the hell Armin! What are you trying to do to me?!” Eren’s voice was getting louder and Armin turned to look at him.

“Eren, please, quiet down, they’re looking,” Armin said in an even, neutral tone.

Eren’s eyes darted to Levi, only to skitter away once they met the gunmetal gray he used to know and love. His heart was in his chest. _Fuck. What do I do? Should we move seats? They’re only about 3 seats away from us. No, that’s stupid. I’m going to act cool and collected. Yeah, composed. Yeah._

Eren took a deep breath and raised his head. Levi wasn’t looking any more. As his group rounded the corner to get their trays Eren leaned into Armin’s space with Mikasa at his back to whisper, “What were you going to say, Armin?”

They walked down the lunch line, getting their allotted food, while Armin kept stealing glances at the group that was about 4 students ahead of them. The confined space echoed, so Eren didn’t want the words to echo.

Armin leaned to the left, into Eren’s shoulder and whispered, “Look, it wasn’t much. I overheard Erwin, the big guy, say to Levi: ’So, that’s Eren?’, but the way he said it put the emphasis on THAT. Like THAT’S Eren.”

Eren was floored. “Wait. That means that he’s talked about me to Erwin.”

Mikasa looked at Eren and rolled her eyes. “Man, you’re really quick today, aren’t you?” She asked, grabbing the napkins as they left the confined space to head back to the table.

Eren wasn’t sure what this meant. For the duration of the lunch period he tried his hardest not to look 3 seats over at the group of older kids, even though his eyes kept on wanting to stray there. He knew that they couldn’t talk about this here, but everyone knew that there would be a huge get together tonight to determine what this could mean and Eren’s best course of action. Even if Mikasa would roll her eyes during the entire thing, she’d be there to support him.

* * *

Eren had been praying to a God he didn’t really believe in that he would see Levi in 8th period—PE class. Whether it was because of his lack of faith or because of destiny, when he walked in to the gymnasium and looked around he didn’t see the black-haired boy. Instead, he saw Connie, who he hadn’t seen all day, and some other kids he kind of knew.

He walked over to Connie and asked him about his day, knowing that all he was going to get was a run down of how many classes he had together with Sasha. Turning to see who their teacher would be this period he saw someone else walk in. Erwin. _Oh shit. He looked at me straight in the eyes. Now he knows that I know that they were talking about me. Wait. How would he know that? You’re being paranoid, Jaeger._

Erwin started to walk to the bleachers, where the students were starting to gather since it was only the first day, and sat down with some kids he must have known. Eren noticed, however, that Erwin’s eyes kept on flitting over to him. _What does he want with me?_


	2. Making Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren makes a few new friends in middle school.

After three months of school things had calmed down. Eren still only saw Levi four times before lunch. Still had to force his eyes not to follow him all lunch period, and also had to learn to not try and eavesdrop on the older kids who sat with Levi. The last part had become a bit easier, though, since Eren’s lunch group had become a bit larger, too. Two kids from Titan Eren had met in class, Marco and Jean, were in the same lunch period as the trio and began sitting with them a few weeks into the school year. With them—well, with Jean, really—the group became more boisterous, and if Eren wanted to eavesdrop on Levi’s quieter group, he’d really have to work for it.

“Eren! God! Are you even fucking listening to me, you little ass?!” Jean yelled right into Eren’s ear, making Eren flinch.

“Get the hell off of me, ass-wipe!” Eren yelled, pushing Jean away, “Yeah, you were talking about the book report that you just turned in about the love of your life.”

“Huh?” Jean looked at Eren, confused.

“Black Beauty,” Eren laughed, unable to even finish the last word before his voice rang out in laughter, causing the entire table to look at him. He didn’t even care. He and Jean had this love/hate friendship going on and he loved to hate on him.

“Hey!” Jean spluttered, “I don’t look like a horse!” He turned to look at Marco, “Marco, do I look like a horse?”

“Of course Marco won’t say you look like a horse! He loves you! He’s been your best friend since you were four!” Eren yelled, jumping up, his hands flattened out on the table, his eyes automatically going to Levi, who was looking at him intently. Eren could feel the heat rushing up his face, but this was the first time in weeks that his eyes had met Levi’s and he just couldn’t tear them away. And then Eren saw the most amazing thing, the right side of Levi’s mouth twitched up into a smirk. How could he look away now? _Fuck, he’s gorgeous. Damn, that’s it, isn’t it? I’m gay. There’s no going back is there?_

Someone grabbed his arm and pulled him back down, breaking his eye contact, he looked over and saw Armin looking at him worriedly. Eren looked across from him to where Marco, the sweetest guy he knew, was beet red and stammering, “Jean IS my best friend…”

Jean, also red, took that up, “Yeah, so what if Marco is my best friend, I mean, we’re bros, right…Marco?” His question fizzled out toward the end as he looked at Marco, who smiled.

“Right. And even if your book report was on Black Beauty, I don’t think you look like a horse, no matter what Eren says—and I would say that even if you hadn’t been my friend since we were four. And I’d say that even if I didn’t love you, which I do, because you ARE my best friend, and I think that’s ok!” Marco’s loud comment hit Eren hard. _Right, it’s ok to express love for your friends, even out loud._

* * *

The weeks sped by. Other than occasional glimpses, and the daily sneak peeks, Eren didn’t really get to have any interactions with Levi. Despite the goal to make this the year that Levi took Eren seriously, the only real interaction was that one time Levi smirked at him. _Was that him taking me seriously? I doubt it._

One thing that surprised Eren was the recognition that he was beginning to get from Erwin. He started noticing it toward the end of October. Eren was always pretty athletic. Sure, if Mikasa was in his PE class nobody would be looking at him at all, but she wasn’t and Eren dominated. When the gymnasium dividers were open, Eren noticed that Erwin’s eyes often followed him.

Today they were playing wiffle ball. It was raining outside, and the PE teacher, Mr. Shadis, put all of the grades together to play. Eren was ready. When they all lined up to decide teams, Erwin and Nile, both 8th graders were made Captains.

Erwin’s first choice, surprisingly, was Eren. It was a surprise because, while he was the best 6th grader, he was still only a 6th grader. There were a whole bunch of students in other grades who were—in Eren’s estimation—just as good as he was.

By the end of the period Erwin’s team beat Nile’s team 10-2. Eren had hit 2 home runs and Eren, at first base, had made so many impressive plays that Erwin was ready to recruit him for the actual baseball team. As they began putting away all of the equipment, Erwin came up to Eren.

“Hey, Eren, I’ve seen how good you are at sports.”

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Eren replied.

“Have you thought about going out for anything? I play basically everything. I bet you’d be good at whatever you want to do. You’re pretty athletic and have a decent size to you,” Erwin said, keeping the conversation going, no matter how much Eren wanted it to sputter to a halt.

“Uh, no, not really. I mean, I like to play for fun. I have a tendency to get too competitive,” Eren replied, telling Erwin what his Mom always told him when he was playing an online game with his friends.

“Ha!” Erwin laughed, throwing his head back and showing a million dollar smile, “I could see that. Well, I’m the captain on the soccer and the baseball teams, so if you’re interested in either of those let me know. I’m also on the basketball and football teams, and I do wresting, judo, and track.”

_How the hell do you find time to do anything else? Hell, I bet you don’t even have time to jack off…_

“You’d be surprised,” Erwin answered, blushing, as Eren realized he said this last bit out loud.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean…”

“To say that out loud? Yeah, I figured. For real, it’s ok. I hear similar stuff from my friends,” Erwin responded, making Eren wondered if Levi was one of the friends who wondered about his jerking off habits. “But if you decide you want to join a team, I’m a good person to contact.”

“Yeah, thanks, Erwin.”

* * *

After that day at PE, Erwin started greeting Eren at lunch. The first time he did it everybody stopped dead in their tracks. Eren was running a little late and everybody was already sitting in their spots. Eren came in, dropped his bag, and jumped up to hop into the lunch line. As soon as he stood up straight, a voice to his left boomed out, “Hey, Eren! How’s it goin’?”

Eren immediately recognized it as Erwin, but it was like everyone else at the table was in shock. The 6th graders looked at Erwin and then looked at Eren, as if they were watching a tennis match.

“Hi, Erwin. It’s going fine…how are you doing?” Eren asked slowly, as his friends’ heads turned farther down the table to Erwin.

“Oh, I’m doing well—thanks for asking!” Erwin answered enthusiastically, smiling widely at Eren, before turning back to his lunch. 

Eren looked over at the 8th graders to see Levi looking at Erwin incredulously, his mouth hanging open, before he shut it and shook his head minutely. Eren shot a glance at his own friends who were looking at him with looks that ranged from shock to amusement. Mikasa’s smirk seemed like she knew something was going on, while Armin looked at Erwin in a more analyzing way. Eren figured he’d have to give them a call tonight to figure out what they thought. Getting into the line he turned back to the table only to catch Levi looking at him. _Holy shit. He’s looking at me. I think this is the first time that it isn’t me caught looking._ Eren looked away quickly, just for a second, then turned back, to see Levi glancing away, looking embarrassed. Erwin caught Eren’s eye and smiled. The girl sitting next to Erwin smirked, and continued eating her food. 

* * *

That night when the trio got off the bus, Eren and Armin decided to stay at Mikasa’s house for dinner—her parents were journalists in the city and didn’t get home until later in the evening and they would bring home some take out for everyone. It was Friday, so it was likely that they would stay for a while—or even the night. Their parents were pretty open with the idea, even though the trio were now in middle school.

The group sat in the living room, on the carpet in front of the couch like they always did, nursing their sodas.

“But, I just don’t understand—like, sure, Erwin knows who I am, but it isn’t like he’s ever really talked to me in front of everyone before yesterday…” Eren’s voice trailed off as Armin and Mikasa shared a look. “Ok, ok, I know that look. You two have been talking without me! What the hell, guys?!” Eren’s fake outrage didn’t fool Armin or Mikasa as they nonchalantly looks sips of their drinks.

Mikasa motioned to Armin, who started to talk. “Ah, ok. So…Mikasa and I think that Erwin is essentially trying to be your unofficial wingman.”

“Uh…what?” Eren was confused.

Mikasa finally looked at Eren in the eyes. “Eren, look. We think that Levi really has a thing for you.”

“Riiight. Sure. After completely ignoring me for two years he’s just decided that he likes me.”

“Well, Armin and I both noticed that when you aren’t paying attention, he’s paying attention to you.”

Eren stopped and looked at Mikasa. She wasn’t kidding. Not that she was one to kid, usually. _Does she really think it’s a possibility? I mean, he WAS staring at me today, and he DID look at me and smile that one time…_ the more Eren though about it the more he though it was possible that they were right.

Eren looked at Armin and Mikasa, who were looking at him, waiting to see what his reaction was goin to be. His grin split his face in two as the trio began to laugh out loud.

* * *

Monday rolled around and Eren couldn’t wait until lunch to see how Levi would react to him. He thought he looked pretty good today. He ‘dressed up’ in a dark green henley and a pair of jeans that really hugged his ass—at least that’s what Mikasa told him when he walked up to the bus stop that morning. He was surprised to see that she had turned her head and had a little blush, and when he asked her what the problem was she practically yelled at him. That was not what he was expecting at 7 in the morning. _But, if it works for Mikasa, maybe it’ll work for her cousin…_ he thought hopefully.

Walking into the lunchroom a few minutes early, Eren went to their table and saw Erwin sitting there already, chatting quietly with Levi.

Erwin looked up and smiled, “Hi, Eren! You look great today!”

Eren blushed. _Ridiculous, he’s not the one you care about…_ ”Thanks, Erwin! Hi, how’s today going?” Eren asked as he sat down a few seats over in his normal spot, noticing that Levi, after glancing at Eren, was glaring at Erwin. _What the hell is going on? Why is he so angry with Erwin?_

“Did I interrupt something?” Eren asked, reading the tension between the two.

“Ha, no,” Erwin answered, “Levi’s just jealous that someone we know is paying some attention to me instead of any attention to him.”

“Ah…” Eren said, hopeful that they might mean him, doubting it, but answering anyway, “maybe Levi doesn’t take initiative to talk to many people, so the person doesn’t know that Levi wants them to talk to him?” The end of Eren’s sentence ended up lilting up as if it were a question, making it seem less confident than he intended.

“That’s exactly what I was trying to tell him, actually.” Erwin responded, his eyes lighting up in agreement.

Levi looked at them both before turning to face Eren directly, “What the fuck would you know about it?”

“Levi!” Erwin hissed, appalled.

Eren’s mouth dropped open and he could feel heat spread up his neck and into his face. “You’re right. I don’t know anything about it, and I don’t know anything about you anymore. Sorry for presuming that I do.” He turned away and faced the opposite end of the lunch table opening his book bag, grabbing his phone to text Armin. He could feel his eyes filling with tears, humiliated by the aggression that he had felt coming off Levi. He heard whispering from the boys at the other side.

“Eren…” Levi said.

“Nope,” Eren responded, not turning to look, “It’s cool. No worries.” He could tell that his voice was thick with emotion. At that exact moment Armin and Mikasa came into view and once they saw him they hurried over. Eren stood, his back to the older boys, and greeted the two newcomers.

“Hey, Eren—what’s wrong?! You look like you’re about to cry,” Mikasa said, looking over his shoulder to glare at Levi and Erwin.

Eren didn’t look, but replied anyway, “Nah, I’m fine, it must be my allergies. I think I’m going to have lunch in the Math room, I have a quiz to make up, I was just going to text Armin to let him know.”

Armin looked skeptical, but didn’t speak out against Eren's lie. “Ok, wanna get in line with us?”

“No, I have a granola bar and banana in my bag. I’m gonna go. See you later.” Eren, still with his back to the older boys, left the cafeteria to the hallway, fighting the urge to run. He made a left into the hall, knowing that Mikasa and Armin would be watching him make his way toward his classroom, and then, after he was out of their sight, he crouched down to the floor. His breathing was erratic and he tried to make his eyes wider, trying to keep the tears from spilling over. He looked down at his shoes as he squatted down, acting as if he was tying one.

He didn’t hear any footsteps, so when he felt a hand on his left shoulder he tensed. _No, not now. Please, just leave me alone. Whoever it is. Just leave me alone._

“Are you ok?” A soft, feminine voice asked.

This was someone he didn’t know. Taking a deep breath, Eren looked up and saw a petite, blonde girl looking at him with a look of pure sympathy. _Man, that look itself could make me break down and sob._

“Ha, yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.” Eren replied, knowing that he didn’t sound too convincing, but also knowing that since he didn’t know her he wasn’t going to spill all of his emotions to her. He probably would have to Mikasa or Armin if Erwin and Levi hadn’t been sitting right there, but he wasn’t about to let it all out to a complete stranger.

Eren could tell that she saw his decision. She removed her hand from his shoulder and Eren stood. He was a good 4 inches taller than the girl.

“Hi, my name’s Christa,” she said, offering him her hand. He took it, shaking it lightly.

“Hi, Christa, I’m Eren.”

“Ok! So, now I’m not a stranger. Are you ok?”

Eren chuckled. This girl was cute. He shook his head and smiled. “Yeah, thanks, actually. I am feeling better thanks to you…”

“Oh,” she said, blushing, “uh, what class are you in now? I was just heading to the restroom, but I’m supposed to be in Math.”

“Ah! I’m in lunch now, but I was going to go to Math. What grade are you in? Who do you have?” Eren was always a little excitable when he met a new person, and he was glad that this happened. _Otherwise, I would have been on my knees crying in the hallway…_

“I have Ms. Brzenska and I’m in 6th grade—what about you?”

“Me too! But, I have her next period. How about I wait for you and then walk you back? I can’t stand outside the girls’ room, but my locker is near there, so I’ll grab my homework and meet you?” Eren looked at Christa for confirmation, waiting for her nod before they started walking down the hall.

He didn’t really have a quiz, but he could always ask Ms. B about the homework that she had assigned last night. As they walked, Eren glanced over at Christa, noticing the way she had her head down, her hair hiding the side of her face from him. _That’s sweet. She’s really pretty._ They walked along to the restroom and he waked a bit farther to his locker, where he grabbed some notebooks and wasted a few minutes.

Eren heard a light cough behind him and turned to see Christa smiling slightly. “Are you ready to head to Ms. B’s?”

“Yep,” she answered, “sure am.” They walked back down the hallway, chatting softly about the class, and about how it was funny that they had never met before when Eren noticed what looked like a glimpse of black hair from around the corner. _Levi? Right…as if he’s the only student with black hair in the school. As if he gives a shit about me or what I’m doing anyway._

* * *

Months passed the same way that they always do. Eren became more and more internal. More and more caught up in the misery of trying to act as if he didn’t care. _Time doesn’t care whether you have to see the same person you’ve dreamed about and cared about when you know they don’t care or dream about you. Time doesn’t care that day in and day out you see him on the bus or four times in the morning before lunch, and then you sit a few seats away from him. And then you have to pretend that everything is ok. You have to act that you don’t notice that he’s there._

“Eren—Hey! Eren, come on!” Armin looked up from his homework and pizza that was on the coffee table across from Eren. “I know you’ve been down lately. And I know it a) has to do with Levi and b) you DON’T want to talk about it. I know, I know. You’ve told us. But, I do think that getting it all off of your chest would help.”

Eren took a huge bite out of his pizza, and hoped that that cheese wouldn’t bother him later—he took after his mom and her lactose intolerance, but damn he loved cheese. Today it was just him and Armin, a guy’s night, as Armin said. Mikasa had gone to her grandparent’s house for the night. “Fine, here you go. That day that you and Mikasa walked in to the lunch room and I left?”

“Yeah? I knew it started that day. After that you had gotten more quiet overall—well, except when Levi was looking and then you were louder and laughed more, but it was fake. Like, it was all wrong. It was too loud.”

“Great…I didn’t even fool you.”

“Mikasa and I are your best friends, of course you can’t fool me—and, you didn’t fool her either. We’ve been worried about you. So…get on with it.” Armin gestured with his pizza, taking another bite.

Eren sighed, “Ok, ok…so. That day I felt pretty good. I thought things were going well, and, if you remember, we had just talked about the possibility of Levi liking me, right? So, I walked in to lunch and it was just Levi and Erwin, and—well, let’s just say that Levi made it really pretty clear that we were wrong, ok?”

“I’m still not so sure about that, Eren.”

“Ha! You didn’t hear him or see him, Armin.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t either.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ok, just hear me out…that day when you left, Mikasa turned and glared at Levi. Eren, you should have seen his face. He was devastated. He had tried to get up and go after you, but Mikasagrabbed his arm and they almost got into it in the middle of the cafeteria. Erwin finally jumped in and said that he agreed with Mikasa and that Levi needed to calm down before he did anything stupid. After about ten minutes of being completely silent and not looking at anyone Levi got up and said he had to go to the bathroom and left. He didn’t come back to the cafeteria that day. Then there’s also the way that he’s been acting since then. You probably haven’t noticed since you’ve been acting all weird, too, but he’s been acting weird. Before he would always notice you and he would pay attention when you weren’t looking. But now it’s like he’s trying his hardest to ignore you.”

“Wait—doesn’t that just basically prove my damn point?!” Eren yelled, frustrated to the point that tears began to pool at the edges of his eyes. _How dare Armin give me hope?!_

“Eren, I said to hear me out—I’m not done yet! Ok, the only way that someone could blatantly ignore you that much is if it’s intentional. These past few months you’ve been louder, and happier—albeit a fake happier—whenever you see that Levi is around. But, no matter how loud your laughter gets, even when people from three tables over look at you, guess who never turn his head? Even though he’s only a few seats away? That’s right. Levi. Now, it could be, like you said, that he really hates you. But, if that were the case, do you really think that if you were that loud he wouldn’t look at you and tell you to shut up? Instead he just leaves you alone.

“And then there are the times you don’t know he’s there.”

“What?! There are times I don’t know he’s there?” Eren’s mind raced. _Holy shit. When are they? I see him on the bus, those 4 times in the morning and at lunch. When don’t I see him that he sees me—and how does Armin know?_

Armin looked at him, waiting. “Yes, there are. I’ve been behind the two of you in the hallway in the afternoon. When you come out of Math you’ve been meeting up with a short blonde girl—by the way, why haven’t you mentioned her to us?—but I’ve been watching him follow the both of you as you walk her to her next class before you head to Music. He must have something that’s that way, too, because I have to stop for my class before he stops following you.”

“Ok, that’s Christa, and I met her that day I left the cafeteria, too. She’s fun and sweet. And we’ve just hit it off. I like her.”

“You like her?” Armin asked, with an arched eyebrow.

“Uh, yeah?” Eren replied, not thinking anything of his answer, wanting to get to more important things—like HOW Levi looked at him while he followed him. “So…how does Levi look while he’s following me?”

“How am I supposed to know? I’m following too. I can’t usually see his face. All I see is his ass.” Armin laughed at Eren’s expression, knowing that Eren’s jealousy knew no bounds. “But there have been a few times that I caught him looking at you and I could just tell that he was sad. Especially when you’re with that girl, Christa.”

“Hmm…” Eren hummed, not knowing what to say, or whether he agreed with Armin’s assessment. He knew, logically, that Armin was the smartest kid in the grade, but that didn’t automatically mean that Armin understood the entire situation just by looking at it.

“Anyway, the school year is almost over. Wasn’t this your year to get him to notice you? I mean, depending on your definition of notice, you definitely achieved that goal.”

“Ha ha ha, very funny Armin. I think you know that this isn’t what I had wanted when I made that my goal.”

“Perfect—then, I have a proposal for you. Tomorrow night is Friday—“

“No shit, Sherlock.”

Armin rolled his eyes, “—and Erwin is having a party at his house. I already talked to him and we are all invited. Mikasa will be back, you are going, and I am going. Hell, even Jean and Marco are going. Ok, basically our lunch group is invited. But, Levi will be there.”

“What?! Why? Did you already tell Erwin that I’d go? I’ve been avoiding Erwin for months. Like, he even tried to get me to go out for all of these sports and I just completely ignored him. Why the hell would he want me to be at his house at all?”

“Look, he knows the reason you’re avoiding his isn’t because of him. It’s because of Levi. I know. He and I have already talked about this. He wants to help. So, tomorrow night we’re going to Erwin Smith’s house. We’re going to our first real middle school party where there will be boys and girls.” Armin started blushing.

Eren started laughing at Armin’s reaction. “Really, Armin? Hahaha! This isn’t about me! You just want to get some action for your little virgin self. Who’s the lucky person? Is there a girl—or a guy?—you have your eyes on?”

Armin’s blush managed to take over his entire face. “Well, there’s this girl who’s in my English class, and I’m pretty sure that she’s going to be there because she and Erwin are members of the same Judo club.”

“Oh ho! Some girl who is going to be able to kick your ass. So you’ll be the brains and she’ll be the brawn. I love when the gendered norms are subverted.” Eren laughed, noting that during the entire conversation he and Armin had moved closer together.

Armin rolled his eyes, “I shouldn’t let my moms chat with you anymore. Pretty soon you’re going to be talking to me about heteropatriarchal norms in some other cultures.” Armin’s moms were university professors who researched and taught women’s and gender studies and human sexuality. Armin, who considered himself mostly straight, was horribly embarrassed by it. Eren, who didn’t, found it super interesting and cool to talk about.

“Ok, ok, I won’t go channeling your moms. Especially at any parties where you might get to kiss some cute girls. But wait! They’re lesbians! They’ll have amazing advice for you—“

“Eren! NO!” Armin screamed, “Remember the last advice they gave? ‘Don’t forget her clit.’ I was 5. I didn’t need that at 5!”

“HA—oh Man! That was the best! I remember going to Dad and asking about that and he was like, ‘Well, they’re not wrong!’” By now the boys were laughing so hard that the pizza was cold and it was considered a given that they were all going to Erwin party tomorrow.

Eren’s laughter died down, his grin still plastered on his face as he looked over at Armin. “Thanks, Armin.”

“Sure thing, Eren.”

“I love you, Armin.” Eren said, leaning against Armin’s shoulder.

“I love you, too, Eren.” Armin said, resting his head against Eren’s.


	3. Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio go to a party.

Friday morning Eren woke up and got ready for school just like any other day. Looking in the mirror after his shower, he noticed that his hair was starting to get a little long, and wondered if he should schedule a hair cut some time soon.

After getting dressed he walked down the stairs. He could smell the coffee in the kitchen and figured that his dad had gone early for surgeries and his mom must still be sleeping. The house was quiet. He turned the corner to the kitchen and flipped on the lights, grabbing himself the box of PopTarts and the toaster. _Ha, if Mom’s not up she won’t know I ate PopTarts for breakfast. Like, why does she even buy them if she complains about me eating them?_ As they toasted he grabbed a glass and poured himself a glass of water.

_I wonder what tonight is going to be like? How many kids are going to be there? What if Levi decides not to show? What if Levi is a jerk to me or what if I see him with somebody else? Speaking of which—does he even like anybody? I mean, sure, Erwin was acting as if Levi was jealous, and Armin and Mikasa swore that he was acting like he liked me, but is anyone even sure that he’s interested in guys?_

Eren was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of the toaster and he grabbed the PopTarts, put them on a paper towel, and sat at the table with his glass of water and his phone. Scrolling through his social media he came across a picture of Christa, all dressed up. _She looks nice—she’s such a sweet girl. She’s still kinda shy around people she doesn’t know, but she’s finally coming out of her shell._ He liked it and scrolled past, not realizing that time was slipping away.

“Shit!” Eren said, looking at the time on his phone. _I’m not going to have enough time to walk to Armin and Mikasa’s bus stop…dammit!_ The bus was going to be here any minute. Eren ran to brush his teeth and then grabbed his jacket, May was still a bit chilly in the morning, and his book bag, along with the other PopTart that he hadn’t finished yet. He walked out the door as he saw the lights of the bus cross the horizon. He walked over to the bus stop—Levi’s house—not looking forward to this awkwardness.

“Aren’t you even going to say good morning?” Levi asked as Eren walked onto Levi’s portion of the sidewalk.

“I didn’t realize that there was a rule that said that I had to.” Eren responded, knowing full well that if he would have walked two more feet and Levi hadn’t said anything that he would have said good morning. Eren tried his best not to look at Levi, but no matter how hard he tried, he still found himself sneaking glances out of the corner of his eye as he nibbled on his PopTart. Today Levi was wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a black long sleeve tee with some kind of band name on it. Black hoodie. He looked like some punk kid, or maybe some emo kid, Eren wasn’t really sure of the difference.

“Didn’t you just have a birthday not too long ago?”

_Huh? He remembers my birthday? Isn’t it funny that our birthdays from now and THEN are the same? I wonder that that means? The universe is lazy? It’s all a figment of my imagination?_

“Uh, yeah—a few weeks ago, actually.”

“Oh, that long? Sorry. Happy belated.”

“Uh, yeah. You, too. I guess.”

“You’re wishing me a Happy belated Birthday? From months ago?”

“Yeah? Well, mine was actually over a month ago too. So what if yours is on Christmas? So now we’re even.”

“You remember when my birthday is?”

“Uh, it’s literally on Christmas. How could I forget?” _Also, I’ve practically been in love with you for two lifetimes and it was the same date in both, so…yeah._

The bus finally reached the bus stop and squealed to a halt and the two boys got on. Eren got on first, stopping halfway down the aisle to sit down in his usual seat, while Levi went farther back. It was the most he and Levi had interacted since that day in the cafeteria months ago and Eren’s heart was about to beat out of his chest. It wasn’t a bad interaction, though, so part of him was excited for the rest of the day.

* * *

The day wore on as usual. Eren saw Levi four times in the hallway before lunch, his eyes automatically finding him—whether or not he wanted them to. He wanted them to. He walked into lunch, seeing Armin and Mikasa already seated at the table, whispering conspiratorially.

Sneaking over, he dropped his book bag and leaned over, whispering, too, “Hey, what’s going on?”

Mikasa jumped, looking back over her shoulder at Eren, “Oh, Eren! We were just talking about what we should wear tonight to Erwin’s party.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot up. He hadn’t known that they were taking it that seriously. Sure, he now knew that Armin had a thing for this girl in his English class, but what was up with Mikasa? As far as he knew there wasn’t anyone that she liked. Of course, that didn’t mean that she didn’t want to look her best—she was kind of a perfectionist like that.

“Oh, ok. I was just going to wear a pair of jeans and a shirt.”

Mikasa looked him over. “You have to wear those dark wash jeans.”

He smirked, remembering the day she refused to look at him in his tight jeans. “Ha, ok, will do.” He glanced over to the older boys and saw Erwin laughing, looking up and catching his eye.

“Hey, Eren! Are you able to come tonight?” Erwin’s voice carried easily over the clamor of the table as Mikasa and Armin stood to get in line. Eren turned to fully face the 8th graders.

“Yeah, Armin told me about it. I’ll be able to go.” Eren answered, glad that he had already made plans with the trio in advance. His parents knew about the party and had approved of a sleepover at Armin’s house after. Eren didn’t even try to look in Levi’s direction, but knew that Mikasa and Armin were doing that for him.

“Great! I already gave Armin my address—so we’ll see you all tonight!” Erwin smiled at him, glancing at Levi, who Eren finally peeked at, hoping that Levi wouldn’t notice. He didn’t. He was sitting, looking at Erwin with a look that Eren couldn’t discern. Turning away from the older boys, Eren joined Mikasa and Armin in the lunch line.

“So, Eren…” Mikasa started, looking at Eren out of the side of her eye.

“Yeah?”

“About you and Levi…”

Eren sighed, having a feeling he knew where this was going to go. Mikasa and Armin were going to have some ridiculous plan to get him and Levi together.

“You know it’s not going to work.”

“Come on, Eren, you don’t know that,” Armin chimed in. “And, anyway, it’s not as if we really have to have a plan. You two are so drawn to each other that whatever is going to happen is going to happen organically.”

“Huh?”

“Like, it’s going to happen on its own. Everyone can tell.”

“What do you mean everyone can tell?” Eren asked, a bit paranoid. _Shit, if everyone knows, does that mean that Levi knows? God, what if Levi knows? FUCK!_ “Can Levi tell?” Eren asked, his voice cracking from nerves.

“Ah, no, I don’t think he can tell, actually, because he’s part of it, right? I think he’s as clueless as you are.”

Eren sighed deeply, his shoulders sagging as he went to grab the tray. Thank God for Armin and his amazing brain.

Mikasa stood there, smirking, “So, about you and Levi? Christa is coming tonight, and I was thinking that it might be fun to see my cousin get a tad jealous.”

“Oh! I didn’t know Christa was coming. What’s your idea?”

“Yeah, it turns out that she and I share Music this quarter. And she is friends with a girl who is in Judo with Erwin—no, Armin, not Annie—and that girl is going, so I asked Erwin if I could ask Christa to come tonight, too.”

The trio slid through the line with their trays on the counter across from the cafeteria workers.

“Ok, but, first of all—what the fuck, Armin?” Eren received a glare and a ‘Hey!’ from the lunch man handing him some meatloaf. “How come Mikasa gets a name and all I got this whole time was a bit of a description?—But, secondly, how will this get Levi jealous?”

“He thinks you have a thing for Christa.”

Eren blushed, lifting his now full tray from the line, “Uh, she is cute, but…”

“Yeah, we all know…she’s no Levi.”

* * *

That evening Armin, Mikasa, and Eren all went to Erwin’s party together, Armin’s parents dropping them off and talking with Erwin’s parents for a while before telling the kids they’ll be back around 11pm. The trio walked into Erwin’s house, and looked around curiously. Erwin came up some stairs and greeted the younger teens.

“Hey! Everybody is downstairs. There’s food and soda, and even a bathroom down there. Here, I’ll show you.” Erwin took their coats and led them down the stairs into a huge finished basement where music was playing and the sound of kids chatting began to take over. There was everything. A pool table, a couch and TV set-up, even a little kitchenette with a refrigerator. Pizza, breadsticks, salad, and other snack food was on the counters, and Eren guessed that there was soda in the fridge. Erwin opened up a door to the side and Eren saw a small guest room with a twin size bed and a desk. That’s where Erwin tossed their jackets onto the bed.

“Ok, you can see where the food is—over there in the kitchen area. There’re drinks in the fridge. You just saw where I put your coats, and the other door to the left there is the bathroom.”

“Wow—you have a whole apartment in your basement!” Eren was kind of impressed.

“Yeah, my grandma lived with us until she passed away and she liked to have her own space, so we made it like this. Now it’s nice so whenever anyone comes over they can have a bit of privacy, too.”

Eren kind of felt like an ass after hearing about Erwin’s grandma, but Erwin didn’t seem too choked up about it, so he guessed it wasn’t that recent. “Uh, I’m sorry.”

Erwin looked at Eren and smiled, “It’s ok. No worries! As you can see, most of the people are either in the kitchen area or at the pool table. I’m going to go and grab some more pizza. Please—make yourselves at home and have some fun.” He looked at Eren and winked.

Armin, Mikasa and Eren looked around, checking out who was where. Unsurprisingly, Eren was immediately honed in on Levi. Levi was standing over at the pool table, playing a game against a tall boy who must also be in 8th grade. A bunch of older kids were standing around watching them. It looked like Levi was winning, from what Eren could tell.

Armin elbowed him in the side, “Hey, Christa is over in the kitchen talking to a tall girl. Maybe we should go over there. I’m kind of hungry anyway.”

“Sure, Armin—and that doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that the short blond girl standing next to the tall girl and Christa is Annie?” Mikasa asked, archly.

Armin blushed, cleared his throat, and answered, “Sure, maybe a little, but if we also want to make Levi a little jealous, then Eren needs to go and say ‘Hi’ to Christa, right?”

Mikasa smirked. “Right.”

The trio walked to the kitchen where they started talking to Erwin and Christa, and the rest of the group was introduced to Ymir and Annie, both of whom were in Erwin’s Judo class and one of whom was in Armin’s English class. The whole group started talking and laughing about ridiculous events from Judo and class and Eren found himself standing next to Christa, who looked at him shyly. He didn’t particularly like the look he was getting from Ymir, though.

“So, how did you meet Christa?” Ymir asked Eren, when there was a lull in the conversation.

“Uh, one day I was having a fucking shitty day and she swooped in like an angel and really helped me feel better. Ever since then she’s been very special to me.” Eren answered, truthfully. He hadn’t realized that at that moment the entire basement had gone quiet, there was a gap in the music, and his answer had filled the silence completely. He felt the heat rush up his face, and turned slowly to look around. Everyone was looking at him. Including Levi. Those gray eyes met his and held his gaze. Eren was the first to look away. “Uh, I think I have to use the bathroom, where is it again, Erwin?”

Erwin led Eren to the bathroom, and the music and chatter picked back up. “Did you meet her the day he snapped at you in the cafeteria?” Erwin asked, quietly.

Eren looked up at Erwin quickly, surprised at how he automatically knew when he had been talking about. “Uh, yeah. Yes, it was.”

“You know, I could tell how much that hurt you. And I know, even though he never said anything to me, that he regretted it immediately.”

“Well, it’s not like it matters, right? He barely says anything to me anymore.” Eren fought to keep the tears in his eyes, but he knew that Erwin could see them.

“I think you misunderstand a lot.” Erwin said, walking away, as Eren turned into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and sat on the closed toiled lid. Taking a deep breath he put his head in his hands. _Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. What was I thinking? Everyone else is here with hopes of making a connection and here I am just trying not to get my heart MORE broken by some guy I’ve been trying to avoid for months. I should have kept on avoiding him._ Shaking his head, taking a breath and standing up, Eren decided that while he was here he might as well use the toilet. After, he washed his hands, looked at the mirror, finding no trace of the traitorous tears, he opened the door.

The lights had dimmed a bit, and there were Christmas lights on, twinkling around the room offering a bit of romantic glow. All of the kids had gone over by the couch and were seated around it and Eren felt his heart leap into his throat. _Shit. It’s spin the bottle or 7 minutes in heaven, or some middle school party game thing. What do I do now?_ He looked up and saw Armin wave him over.

“Eren! Sit here between Mikasa and Christa. We’re sitting boy-girl. The game is seven minutes in Heaven and whoever your spin lands on is who you go into the bedroom with for seven minutes.” Eren could tell that Armin was excited. He was seated on the other side of Mikasa and had Annie on his other side. Eren sat next to Christa who was next to Jean, next to Ymir, Marco, and then there were a bunch of kids that Eren didn’t know— _they must be 8_ _th_ _graders_ —Levi, the girl who sat near them in the cafeteria, _oh, yeah, her name's Petra_ , Erwin, another girl, that tall guy that was playing pool with Levi, Annie, Armin, and Mikasa, before it got back to Eren again.

A bottle was laying on its side on the coffee table, music was playing softly on the speakers.

“Ok! Who’s going first?” Armin asked, obviously excited to start the game.

Erwin smiled and reached for the bottle. “I’ll spin.” His spin was quick and landed, surprisingly, not on one of the girls, but on the tall guy who had been playing pool against Levi. All of the girls began giggling. “Well, Mike? Shall we?”

One of the girls Eren didn’t know spoke up, “Wait—you mean, even though we had to sit boy-girl, even if we get someone of the same sex we still have to go through with it?”

Erwin laughed. “First of all, nobody really knows WHAT we’re doing in that room, so for all you know Mike and I COULD be talking about our current baseball team. But, yeah, those are the rules. Nobody here is a homophobe, are they?” He asked her, pointedly. She shrank back and shook her head. “Right, then! Come on, Mike, let’s go…Heaven’s waiting.” Erwin stood and wiggled his thick eyebrows at the slightly taller but thinner boy who just chuckled and shook his head, a few of the older kids began laughing and whooping. They went into the bedroom and closed the door behind them.

“Ok, then. Seven minutes starting now.” Eren was surprised to hear Levi’s voice as the announcer. The kids outside in the little living room began getting excited as the minutes passed. They wondered what the two boys were doing in there. Were they talking about baseball?

“Time’s up,” Levi announced.

“Oooh!” The crowd in the living room squealed, waiting to see the door open. After a second it opened and Erwin and Mike walked out, looking normal. They chatted easily with the group, accepting the light teasing questions, but not answering anything. But Eren noticed that Erwin had a little blush when he sat down and his eyes flickered over to Mike for a split second. _Maybe even if nothing happened he wished that it had._

The game continued. Some of the kids seemed completely embarrassed with the situation. Jean’s bottle landed on Mikasa and it looked as if he was going to have a heart attack. Eren almost died from laughing. After the allotted time she came out and admitted she kissed him on the cheek. She whispered to Eren that she hadn’t wanted to hurt Marco like that. Armin’s dream came true and his bottle landed on Annie. Eren’s mouth dropped open, unable to believe Armin’s luck. Annie stood up, grabbed Armin’s hand and dragged him into the room as the group in the living area was gasping in laughter. When Levi called for time they still didn’t come out of the room. Finally, Levi stood and knocked on the door.

“Hey, I said time’s up. That means get your asses out of there.”

Annie opened the door, and then she and Armin came out. They both looked as if they came out of a tornado. Their hair was unruly, their clothes were twisted and wrinkled, and their lips were red and swollen. Everyone in the room was shocked. Then they erupted in noise. Armin’s smile was so wide and big that it almost took up the entire bottom half of his face, but he was quiet as they took their places back at the circle, now holding hands.

Eren grinned, happy for his friend. Then he noticed that all eyes were on him. _Shit. It’s my turn. Ok, ok...Levi. Somehow Armin got Annie. Maybe I can get Levi. Come on bottle. You can land on Levi, right?_ He knew it was stupid trying to negotiate with an inanimate object, but that didn’t stop him from trying. Reaching for the bottle he spun it—watching it spin and land…Marco.

Eren immediately looked at Jean, who was glaring at him. Then he looked at Levi, who was glaring at Marco. _That’s interesting._ He looked across from him, where Marco was sitting, and said, “Ready, Marco?”

“Sure am, Eren.” Marco stood and followed him into the small bedroom. Eren shut the door behind them and turned to the room. It was obvious that some of the people, or at least Annie and Armin, had taken advantage of the bed. The jackets were pushed on to the floor and some of them were strewn all over the place. Marco sat on the bed. Eren looked at him and sat down, too.

“Hey, Eren.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you in love with Levi?”

 _Holy shit. Armin and Mikasa were right. Everyone can tell._ “Uh, well, I mean, IN LOVE might be a bit too…”

Marco started laughing. “It’s ok. I understand.”

“Jean?”

Marco blushed, but nodded. “Yeah. Jean. Can I ask you, though—what IS it about Levi? He seems so…?”

Eren blushed, too, thinking about all of the things he liked about Levi, and also thinking about how much he had wished he was in this room with the short, black haired boy. “Ok, so I know he seems a bit cold, but he was my best friend growing up, just like you and Jean. And really he was kind and treated me like I was special.”

“Then what happened to make it like it is now?”

Eren looked down at the crumpled bedspread. “I’m not really sure. It’s like as soon as he moved up to middle school he started ignoring me. And now I just want him to take me seriously. Even if he doesn’t like me like that, you know.”

Marco looked into Eren’s eyes with complete understanding, “Yeah, I know.”

“Do you also know that you’re pretty awesome and if Jean doesn’t like you like that he’s a fucking idiot? I’d totally date you,” Eren said, blushing.

Marco’s eyes widened, “Ha, well, thanks, Eren, you’re not so bad yourself. And if Jean doesn’t get his act together I might take you up on that.”

The door swung open abruptly as Levi stood in the frame. “Time’s up.”

“I don’t think you have to worry, Eren,” Marco whispered as they walked past Levi.

Levi grabbed Eren’s arm. “You’re staying here.”

“Huh?”

Levi turned to the living room, where everyone was gaping at him holding Eren’s arm, and said to Erwin, “My spin landed on Eren, got it?”

Erwin grinned. “Got it. Have fun!”

Armin and Mikasa were staring at Eren, their eyes wide before he saw the door shut. Levi turned and looked up at him.

“So, what did you two do?”

“What?”

“You and the kid with freckles? What did you two do?”

“Uh, we talked about Jean.”

Levi gave a sigh of relief, and then looked back up at Eren. “Really? That’s it? You didn’t even kiss? Nothing more than that?”

“What the hell, Levi? No, we didn’t kiss—and even if we did what does it matter to—“

Eren’s question was broken off by the most amazing feeling in the world. Levi’s lips on his own. Levi’s body pressed up against his, pushing him against the bed. He could hear Levi’s breathing, coming in short, unsteady breaths— _wait, maybe that’s me—_ and feel his heart beating a mile a minute. Suddenly he felt Levi’s tongue on his lips, and his eyes shot open. He must’ve seemed startled, because Levi broke off the kiss and whispered, “It’s ok, kid, if you’re not ready.”

“Oh, trust me, I’m ready,” Eren answered, raising his head, closing his eyes and meeting Levi’s lips again, ready for when Levi’s tongue requested access. This was his first kiss, but he was willing to let Levi take the lead, willing to learn from the older boy. Laying under him on the bed, he could feel Levi’s smaller body pushed flush against him, he wanted to run his hands along Levi’s body, take off his clothes, explore his lover…all of the things he had imagined at night, all of the things he remembered from their lifetime before, but at the same time he wanted to experience this first. To live in this moment. Levi shifted against him and Eren could suddenly feel something against his thigh. _Holy shit! He’s hard. I mean, I am, too, but HE’S hard._ Eren moaned into the kiss and the two boys began rutting against each other, the kiss taking on more heat, despite its amateur nature.

Too soon for either of the boys there was a knock on the door, Erwin’s voice breaking through the haze. “Time’s up, you two.” Eren couldn’t breathe. He looked up at Levi, at those thin lips that were now swollen from the passion of his lips. At the lust he saw in those gray eyes. The lust that he had caused. He felt the body pressed against him move to get up and he moaned again, not wanting this moment to end.

“Come on, kid.” Levi said, climbing off him and reaching out a hand. With the other hand Eren watched as Levi adjusted his erection, making it less obvious. Eren blushed, thinking how much he would like to be the one touching that, and also at the idea that he was the one to cause that. Accepting Levi’s hand, Eren stood up and did the same, noticing how Levi’s eyes also followed his movement. He smiled, liking how he could affect the older boy. Eren leaned over and gave Levi a quick kiss.

They looked each other over and nodded, reaching for the doorknob to open the door. The living room was silent as they all looked the two over, questioningly. Levi looked up at Eren with a raised eyebrow and Eren smiled. Levi grabbed Eren’s neck, pulled him down and kissed him soundly in front of all of the kids, who started whooping loudly.

“Be my boyfriend, Eren?”

“Ok.”


	4. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren reaches an understanding.

The next few hours flew by in a haze of kisses and touches. It was as if a dam broke, and Levi, who had ignored Eren for two years— _two years!_ —now lavished him with his time and his touch. Levi and Eren had been on the couches, and next to the kitchen counter, but wherever Eren was, Levi was…wherever, Levi was, Eren was. It was like before.

 _How long will this last? What will happen tomorrow?_ Eren thought as he and Levi shared what was possibly their thirtieth kiss while standing near the fridge, waiting for Armin’s parents to arrive. Eren’s back was pressed up against the refrigerator, his arms held stiffly around Levi’s waist, trying hard not to do what he really wanted to do—which was wrap his hands around Levis waist and rub his thumbs over his skin.

Levi pulled away and looked up at him. “Hey, kid. What’s the issue?”

Eren looked down into those gray, gorgeous eyes. Sure, he knew that other people were intimidated by Levi, but to him, he could always see how those eyes expressed all of the emotions that Levi’s face never exposed. Eren looked around, completely aware that the majority of the other people were at the living area, probably too far away from where they were. He silently thanked his friends for a semblance of privacy.

“Uh, honestly?”

“No. I’m asking you what the issue is so that you can tell me some lie and then we can’t resolve it, dumbass.”

By now Eren knew that Levi didn’t really mean anything when he called people names like that, but he was hoping that maybe it was something he’d be able to break him of— _at least when it comes to me. It really make me think that he thinks I’m dumb._

“Fine. So, I was wondering what happens now. Like, what’s going to happen tomorrow?”

“Well, you’re probably going to wake up sick as hell since you ate 3 slices of pizza and there was extra cheese. Did you think I forgot you were lactose intolerant?” Levi smirked up at Eren’s expression as he rolled his eyes.

“Levi, for real—you know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Fine.” Levi pulled a bit farther away and looked at Eren seriously. “So, tonight I’m spending the night here with Erwin. I’ll be home around 2 or so. Maybe tomorrow you should come over and we can talk about things? Let’s say around 3?”

Eren’s mouth went dry. It had been so many years since he went to Levi’s house; at least two, probably closer to three. “Uh, sure. And what’s the use of…”

Levi looked at the ground, probably to hide a frustrated look on his face, and sighed. “To talk about what just happened.”

“Right.”

“Because I’d like for it to continue to happen, Eren.”

“You would?”

“Yes, I DID ask you to be my boyfriend in front of a room of teenagers.”

“But I thought you hated me.”

“And this is why we should have a talk tomorrow, because it’s almost 11 and Armin’s moms are going to be here soon, and I’d rather be kissing you than talking about this right now, ok?” Levi leaned up and met Eren’s lips again, but it took Eren a bit longer to melt into the kiss, his mind too engaged in the possibilities of tomorrow’s talk.

“Eren…you’re ignoring me…” Levi whispered into Eren’s lips, complaining.

Eren smiled, “Sorry, Levi,” finally giving in to his temptation, and placing his hands on Levi’s waist. _At least now I know I’m not the only one who wants more…_

* * *

That night and the next morning Eren could hardly function. He actually felt really bad for Mikasa. She was the only one of the trio whose life wasn’t completely changed from that party. From what Eren remembered of the rest of the party Armin and Annie had been as engrossed with each other as he and Levi were. Mikasa ended up hanging out with some of the eighth grade kids. She claimed not to mind, but for the rest of Friday night and early Saturday morning all he and Armin wanted to talk about was Levi and Annie. Eren felt like Mikasa was being left out of a huge, life-changing event. Something that the three of them should have experienced all at once, but instead, only he and Armin got to experience it and Mikasa had to live it vicariously—and it wasn’t the same.

Regardless of the guilt Eren carried, Mikasa gave some good advice—especially since she was Levi’s cousin. Sure, it wasn’t often that she saw Levi outside of school, but she knew that he wasn’t some unattainable perfect goal. She often told Eren that Levi wasn’t good enough for him, or that if Levi didn’t like him, then it was Levi’s loss, not his. But now, she also knew that Levi wasn’t one to be an absolute jerk who would play with someone’s emotions.

“Look, the fact that he got super jealous and staked his claim on you proved to me that he really does like you. He’s not toying with you. And the fact that he wants to meet you later today and talk about things means that he doesn’t want it to just have been a fling at a party.”

Eren looked at her, knowing that she made sense, but still second guessing her logic. They were seated around the Arlerts’ coffee table in the living room, eating cereal with the TV on softly, Armin still sleeping on the couch, his hair coving his face.

“I guess. I just don’t understand the abrupt change. It’s like one minute he hated me and the next he’s on top of me in a guest bedroom—“

Mikasa choked on her Captain Crunch. “—Hey there, Romeo, I did NOT need to hear those details.”

“Come on, Mikasa, who else am I gonna tell them to?” Eren whined.

Mikasa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, knowing she was going to give in. “Fine, but I swear, when clothes start becoming optional, these stories end.”

“Ok, deal! But, I honestly don’t get it.” Eren took his own bite of Crunch Berries.

“No, you don’t, obviously.” Eren and Mikasa both turned, startled, as they heard Armin groan out. “Why can’t you two ever let me sleep in?!” The two who were eating chuckled as Armin sat up and stretched. “Eren, it wasn’t abrupt, even if it seemed that way to you. First of all, we—Mikasa, Erwin, and I—don’t think he ever HATED you, and second of all, I think the movement from whatever that was, platonic maybe?, to romantic was gradual. We watched it happen.”

Eren still wasn’t sure. No matter what Armin and Mikasa said. Looking down at the yellow cereal and the bright ‘berries’ he decided to ask Levi about it today. Taking his spoon he scooped up the remaining cereal and picked up the bowl to drink the soymilk, grateful that the Arlerts were always willing to help him out.

* * *

Eren walked home around 11, wondering what the talk with Levi would be about. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and he didn’t need his jacket on at all. There were even some people out mowing the grass already, the smell of fresh cut grass wafting in the air.

When he got home he saw that his mom and dad were both out front, also deciding to use the nice day to do some yard work.

“Hey, honey! How was the party?” His mom asked.

“Yeah?” His dad questioned, looking up from where they were planting some vegetables.

Eren’s family weren’t ones that had a nice little flower garden in the front of their house, well, there were some flowers, but his parents really liked planting vegetables, so every year it seemed that the little plot in the back yard got bigger and the front yard became the home for the climbing veggies, like peas and beans, which is what they were planting now.

“It was good! So…I’m going to go over to see Levi at 3.”

His parents’ heads snapped up to look at him, their faces shaded by the hats they had on, so he couldn’t see their expressions that well, but he could only imagine their confusion.

“What?” His dad asked.

“Uh…well. I think Levi’s my boyfriend now. And we’re going to talk about it.”

His mom shrieked and jumped up and down, hugging Eren to her chest while she laughed. “Oh Eren! That’s great!—Wait—you THINK he’s your boyfriend? Grisha, get up, let’s go inside, we need to talk with Eren and figure this out!”

Eren’s dad chuckled at his wife’s enthusiasm and stood up, dusting off his pants. “Ok, Carla, let’s go inside. I think there’s a dairy-free chocolate cake that has our name on it.”

They walked in to the kitchen and washed their hands. Eren and his mom took seats at the table while his dad got plates of cake for them and sat at his chair.

“So, Eren, tell us about it.”

“Ok, so…”

“Wait…” Eren’s mom interrupted, “First, we know that you went to a party, and we aren’t dumb, so don’t even think that we’re going to get mad at you for playing any of those teenage games. As long as you aren’t doing any hard drugs or having unsafe sex…”

“Mom!”

“Ok, ok, I just wanted to get that out there…”

“Fine, I get it!”

“We really do trust you—,” Eren’s dad tried to continue the thought.

“I know! Now, do you want to hear, or do you want to embarrass me to the point where I don’t WANT to tell you?”

“We want to hear.” His mom said calmly, taking a forkful of her cake.

“Ok, so, we were playing seven minutes in heaven.” Eren looked at his parents, who were looking at each other, smiling hugely, “And I landed on Marco.”

“Marco?!” His mom screeched as she was taking a sip of her coffee, almost spraying her coffee across the table.

Eren smiled. He loved how attentive his parents were. “Yes, Marco. He’s a great guy. We went into the spare room and just sat on the bed and chatted about how I like Levi—,” his parents shared a little knowing smile, “and he likes Jean.” Eren had to roll his eyes at how corny his parents were.

“Wait, isn’t Jean the one who you love to fight with but you actually like?” his dad asked.

“Yes, the one and the same. Marco has been his best friend since preschool basically. Then, when our time was up..." Eren paused dramatically, knowing that his parents were waiting for the rest of the story, "—Levi busts open the door and grabbed my arm and told Erwin that his spin landed on me!”

Eren’s parents’ mouths hung open; their eyebrows were up to their hairlines. Eren couldn’t help but laugh at their expressions. “I KNOW! THEN he asked me what Marco and I did while we were in there! I told him the truth—that we didn’t do anything. AND THEN…he KISSED ME!”

“AHH!” His mom’s scream of joy rang in the kitchen. He looked at his dad, who just smiled while looking at his mom.

“Wait—wait…” His mom finally got control of herself. “Why do you only THINK he’s your boyfriend?!”

“Well, after the seven minutes were up he asked me to be his boyfriend and I said yes. But, then I started thinking that he had ignored me for so long and I thought he hated me. What if this is a big joke or a game?”

“Hmm…” His dad hummed, thinking. “When he asked you was it in front of other people?”

“Yeah.”

“Was he the one who asked you to come over today and talk about things?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s a game or a joke. I think it’s sincere, buddy. I think that maybe today you’ll find out why he’s been acting that way.”

“That’s kind of what he said, too, but even that scares me a bit. Like, what if I find out that he thought I was annoying and now he just thinks I’m attractive or something? Because the annoying will eventually overpower the attractive.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see what he says.” His mom replied, smiling softly, finishing up her piece of cake. “Now come on, you didn’t even eat any. Wanna go get your hair cut before you meet up with him? We can stop and get you some new clothes too?”

Eren’s dad just chuckled and shook his head, finishing his cake.

Eren laughed. “No, Mom. I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

* * *

_Damn, why the hell am I so nervous?_ Standing outside Levi’s door at 2:58, Eren felt as if his heart was about to give out. _Do I ring the doorbell or knock? Do I look ok? Maybe I should have taken Mom up on going and getting my hair cut and getting a new outfit._ He was wearing a pair of athletic pants and a t-shirt, not knowing how formal or informal he should be going to his new boyfriend’s who was also his old best friend’s house for a talk about their new relationship status. He looked around, feeling out of place and awkward. Taking a deep breath, he raised his hand and rang the doorbell.

After a second the door opened and Levi’s mom, Kuchel, greeted him.

“Hi, Eren! It’s been a while. It’s so nice to see you. You’ve grown into such a handsome young man!”

“Mom! What the hell?” Behind her, Eren could see Levi coming down the stairs, probably from his room.

“Thank you, Ms. Ackerman, it’s nice to see you, too.” Eren replied, laughing inwardly at Levi’s outburst.

“Levi told me you were coming today! I was very excited to hear it.” Despite all of Levi’s grumblings, it seemed as if his mom wouldn’t be dissuaded. “Come on in and please make yourself at home! Would you like anything to eat or drink?”

“No, ma’am, I’m fine, thank you.” Eren replied, entering the house and taking off his shoes in the entryway. He looked around, trying to see how much had changed in the years he had been away. It was strange. There were small changes all around, but overall the place was the same. It smelled the same, it looked the same, and it even felt the same: cozy, if a bit too clean.

Levi looked at his mom as if he were trying to give her a message and said, “Eren and I are going upstairs to talk about some things, ok? If we need anything we’ll come down.”

Kuchel smiled, knowingly. “Uh-huh. What you’re really saying is, ‘Mom, don’t embarrass me in front of the cute neighbor.’”

Eren grinned and looked at Levi, whose face had turned a bright shade of red. Levi grabbed Eren’s arm, reminding Eren of the night before, and started up the stairs.

“It was nice seeing you again, Eren!” Kuchel yelled up the stairs.

“You, too, Ms. Ackerman.” Eren replied, before Levi pushed him into his room and slammed the door.

“I swear, that woman!” Levi muttered. Eren was still grinning, not sure where to look. Levi’s room had changed a lot. When Eren had been here last there hadn’t been band and video game posters on the walls, but now they were covered. It was still spotless, which didn’t surprise Eren one bit, but he was surprised that Levi had a small collection of anime figurines on a shelf where there used to be books.

“Hey, kid, look at me.” Eren hadn’t noticed that Levi had been trying to get his attention for a few seconds.

“Sorry. Your room’s changed.”

“Yeah. I bet yours has too.”

“Yeah. I guess so.” Eren finally looked at Levi. He was standing, still holding Eren’s arm, in the middle of his room, wearing a dark gray t-shirt and a pair of black jeans. _Maybe I’m underdressed. Damn, he looks good. If he’s my boyfriend can I kiss him now? Is that allowed? Just kissing without asking? What about consent? Like is consent given wholesale in a relationship?_

Levi leaned up and kissed Eren, basically answering the questions that were running through his mind. “What’s the matter kid?”

“Nothing—just a lot going through my brain.”

“Yeah, so maybe that’s what we need to talk about.” Levi led them to the bed, the only place where both of them could easily sit, and they sat facing each other, like he and Marco had the night before. “Ok, so maybe you tell me what you’re thinking and then I can tell you what I think?” Levi offered as a suggestion.

“Ok.” Eren knew, based on his parent’s relationship, that communication was the best way to understand one another. But, fuck if it isn’t hard to open yourself to someone else.

“Uh…”

“Come on, kid. I’m not going to bite.”

“I just don’t understand any of this, I guess.”

“What’s not to understand? I like you, and I think you like me, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve liked you for a long time—as long as I can remember. But, I don’t understand you liking me. I thought you hated me. I thought…” It was here that Eren’s emotions started to betray him, and the years of being ignored and hurt by Levi broke through. His eyes filled and he had to look away.

“Hey, hey! Eren—look at me.” Levi tried to get Eren to raise his head, but he couldn’t. Eren could hear Levi’s sigh.

“Shit. Ok, so, I guess I have some things to explain.” Levi moved and shifted on the bed, moving to where his back was now pressed against the head board and his legs were stretched out. Eren was still seated at the edge of the bed near the foot, his head still down, hiding the tears that threatened to spill over.

“I…uh…” It was weird for Eren to hear Levi so unsure of himself. He could tell that Levi was trying to gather his thoughts.

“Ok, let me try this again.” Levi sighed. “I do like you. I’ve really always liked you, but I thought you were too young for me to like you like THAT, so I decided to keep away from you.”

“Huh?” Eren finally raised his head, but when he did the tears that had threatened to fall started spilling out over his cheeks.

“Fuck, kid. I’m sorry.” He could hear the sincerity in Levi’s voice. “Let me explain…”

For the next hour or so they talked about how Levi had known he was gay even when he was young. He was sure of it. And the more attached he got to Eren the more he started to have romantic and sexual feelings for Eren, even when Levi was only 13. Eren was shocked. Levi, knowing that Eren was just a kid and wasn’t thinking about any of those things, stayed away from him and found new friends.

“But it wasn’t easy, and it didn’t mean that I hated you. It just meant that I knew that the things I wanted to do were things that you weren’t ready for yet, or maybe even things you wouldn’t ever want to do with me.”

Eren realized that it was a complete misunderstanding. Here he had thought that Levi hated him but, in reality, Levi hadn’t trusted himself around him since Eren was still a kid. But now…Eren smiled.

“What changed, Levi?”

“Hmm?” Eren caught Levi looking at him, but he was obviously caught in his own thoughts as well.

“So, if I was a kid who was too young…what changed?”

Eren watched the flush take over Levi’s face. Levi always had a pale complexion. No matter how long he spent outside in the summer, he never really seemed to tan. Eren never thought, though, that Levi would be one to blush.

“Well…I mean…it’s just obvious that you’ve…grown.”

“Hmm…I’ve...grown.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m still two grades below you.”

“Yeah?”

“I mean, that hasn’t changed.”

“Right, but now you’re older and…” Eren could tell that Levi was embarrassed and trying not to answer.

“And…?”

“Fine! It seemed like maybe you were getting interested in people romantically and I thought if you were that maybe I finally had a shot.”

“Maybe YOU had a shot?! Hahaha! Levi—you’re the only person who ever had a shot.” Eren looked at Levi incredulously, and could feel his face getting hot, knowing that Levi was now witnessing his blush.

Levi looked confused. “What about that girl, Christa?”

“Well, she’s cute.”

“See?!”

“Yeah, but, I think she has a thing for Ymir.”

“That tall girl from the party?”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, even if she didn’t, I have a thing for this short guy that I’ve known almost my entire life. I can’t seem to take my eyes off him. He’s beautiful. Sure, he’s a bit rough around the edges, but I like that, too.” Eren looked right into Levi’s eyes for the duration of his confession, knowing that if he didn’t Levi would doubt his words.

Levi stared at him. Eren smiled, got up and walked toward the head of the bed where Levi had been leaning this entire time, and looked down at Levi. Levi reached up and grabbed Eren’s hand, forcing him to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Really?” Eren had never heard Levi sound so unsure before.

“Really.” Eren looked down at Levi, his head resting on a pillow that was propped against the headboard. Eren leaned down, putting his weight on his right arm, and placed a soft kiss on Levi’s lips. Pulling back, he looked at Levi to make sure that it was alright with the older boy, who was now smiling softly.

“Come here.” Levi said, pulling Eren down onto the bed, laying him against his side. Levi reached his hand up and brushed his fingers through Eren’s hair. “You’re kind of beautiful yourself, you know?”

“I am?” Eren whispered.

“Yeah, kid, you are.” Levi reached up and pulled Eren down into a kiss that almost immediately turned deeper. Eren didn’t know how long passed like that, with them learning each other.

After what could have been either five minutes or five hours, Eren moved away from Levi and said, “So, I’m really your boyfriend?”

Levi smiled his small smile. The one that Eren loved, that barely even moved his lips. “Yeah, I mean, as long as you want to be.”

“Of course I want to be!”

“Ok—ok.”

“And you’ll continue to talk to me instead of letting me think things that are wrong like I did for the past two years?”

Levi sighed. “Look, Eren, I’m sorry about that. I just—it’s hard, right? To let people in…and to let people know what you really think…and…”

“Yeah, I get that, but if we’re boyfriends now that means that we SHOULD be opening up to each other, right?”

“Right, but, that still doesn’t make it easy…”

Eren could understand that. Levi was a lot more like Mikasa, a lot of their thoughts and feelings stayed on the inside. He also wondered, based on his discussions with Armin’s moms if Levi internalized his emotions too much to prove his masculinity. Levi didn’t have any interactions with his dad, and he didn’t have very many interactions with adult men, so he wasn’t like Eren who had a dad around who often showed Eren a healthy view of masculinity. All Levi had was society, and that could be toxic.

“Well, if you internalize it, that’ll be worse, you know.”

“What the hell? Are you some therapist?”

“Ha, no, but I talk with Armin’s moms a lot. They’re professors—“

Levi laughed, “Yeah, I remember. It’s ok. I don’t want to mess this up. So, yes. I want to talk with you and I don’t want to get stuck in my own head, ok?”

Eren sighed, happy. “Ok.” He leaned down and kissed Levi again, as if to seal the deal.


	5. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up in this chapter--note the change in rating! There's a bit of angst, too. Ah, middle school.

The last few weeks of the school year flew by. Eren’s new relationship—as Levi’s boyfriend—had caused an uproar at school that first Monday, but the novelty soon wore off, and the students of Shiganshina Middle School had grown used to seeing Eren and Levi walking together holding hands down the hall. They waited for each other in the hall after classes, they sat together on the bus, the lunch group had moved together so that they all were one large group. School had ended and Levi was officially done with middle school, moving up to the high school once the summer was over. Eren didn’t want to think about that, though, these past few weeks had been almost perfect. 

The plans for summer were simple: spend as much time with everyone, especially Levi, as he could. He knew that summers went by quickly, and he knew that this summer was going to be filled with new experiences—hell, it was already filled with new experiences.

After school ended it had become a mixture of lazy dates at either of their houses. Eren felt bad, like he was neglecting Armin and Mikasa, but he was completely unable to tear himself away from Levi. It was as if the past two years hadn’t happened and he and Levi were best friends again. _Well, we are…but with kissing._

Walking across the path from his kitchen door to Levi’s, Eren almost immediately regretted wearing a t-shirt and pants. _Damn, it’s too fucking hot outside. But I know it’ll be freezing in Levi’s room, so if I want to be comfortable there, I’ll have to deal with the heat for the 20 feet separating our houses._ Opening the door to Levi’s kitchen he saw that the lights weren’t on yet. _That’s kinda weird._ He walked to the stairs. “Hey, Levi, you up there?”

“Yeah, come on up. Mom went to the store. She’ll be back later.”

“Why are the lights out?”

“It’s so fucking hot out that they were making the place unbearable.”

“Ah, gotcha…” _I mean, I guess…_ Eren hadn’t really thought about how much heat light bulbs put out, but Levi’s house was cooler than his room had been with all of the electricity and electronics on.

Levi was sprawled out on the bed, and Eren had to chuckle. He remembered how much Levi hated the extreme weather. Both winter and summer, and in both lifetimes. Levi looked over at him, his eyebrow raised as if he was daring him to continue with that thought. Eren ended up laughing even harder.

“What the hell is so funny?”

“How much you hate the summer—and the winter…”

“God, yeah, I really do hate them. They really fucking suck.”

“Ha, yeah, I know you think so.”

“And I remember that you like them. But you know what I’d like?”

“What?”

“You getting over here and joining me in this bed.”

Eren walked over to the bed and sat down, leaning into Levi’s stretched out side. If he was honest with himself, and he really tried to be, he was a bit worried that they ended up kissing the vast majority of the time they were together. Not that THAT bothered him. Levi wasn’t pressuring him to do anything else even though Eren knew that sometimes the kisses got a little too heated, but it seemed like whenever they started to talk about anything or do anything REAL that wasn’t physical, Levi would derail that with a kiss. And one kiss would lead to two would lead to three…

 _Who am I to complain? He’s beautiful._ Looking up at Levi’s closed eyes, his eyelashes resting on his pale cheeks, Eren was hit with a wave of tenderness. _God, I love him so much. If all he wants to do is kiss me all day for this entire summer in this bed, how can I say no to that?_ Eren closed his own eyes letting that feeling wash over him, that feeling of love and laziness.

“Hey,” Levi whispered.

Eren opened his eyes and looked into Levi’s. “Yeah?”

“I didn’t get a hello kiss.”

“Ha,…hello.” Eren leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on Levi’s lips. Levi hummed in it, and quickly changed it from chaste to passionate. He rolled onto Eren, threading his fingers into Eren’s chestnut colored hair.

“Levi…” Eren gasped, not feeling as comfortable with Levi on top of him. Since their first kiss they hadn’t really done much other than kissing. Levi was lying flush against him now, his hands moving down and framing his face, his thighs pushing against the outside of Eren’s.

Levi was ignoring him. His hips were moving, pulsing gently, almost imperceptibly into Eren’s. He could feel Levi’s erection pressing into his growing one. _God. Do I even WANT to stop this? It feels good, but I don’t know if I’m really ready for this._

“Levi!”

“Eren,” Levi moaned, kissing down into Eren’s neck, his hips moving stronger against Eren’s.

“Levi—stop!”

Everything abruptly stopped. Levi sat up, straddling Eren’s lap, both of their erections noticeable through their silky athletic pants.

“What the fuck is the problem?!” Levi growled. It was obvious that he was angry and frustrated with the situation.

Eren tried to sit up, but with Levi still straddling him he ended up placing his elbows under his body to hold his weight. Looking Levi in the eyes he said, “I want to talk.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Didn’t you promise me we would talk?”

“When did you become such a girl?”

“Why are you making assumptions on personalities based on sex?”

“Dammit, Eren—can’t we just make out?”

“Dammit, Levi! That’s ALL WE EVER DO!” Eren’s yell echoed through the house.

“I didn’t realize that it was an issue.” Levi’s voice was quiet. _Shit. That’s what happens when he gets really pissed._

“I didn’t realize that all you wanted me for was a piece of ass.” Eren stared at Levi, ensuring that he knew Eren was just as angry.

“I thought you were into this.”

“I’m not saying I’m not, but I don’t think I’m ready for this.”

“What the hell? We’ve been making out for weeks now. When will you be ready for something more?” Levi looked down at Eren, disdainfully.

Eren could feel it. The moment he realized that his love was unrequited. The exact moment he was so relieved he had never told Levi how much he loved him. When he knew that it was all one-sided. That he loved Levi more than Levi loved him.

“Get the fuck off of me, Levi.”

“Eren.”

“Get the fuck off of me, Levi.”

“Eren.” Levi wasn’t budging.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME, LEVI!” Eren screamed, sitting up and tossing Levi onto his back on the bed.

Levi stared at Eren like he had never seen the boy before.

“Eren.” Levi’s voice was calm, as if he were trying to tame Eren’s titan form from the other lifetime. Eren kind of wanted to laugh.

“No, Levi. I’m leaving. I have a say what happens to my body this time around, and when I’m not comfortable with something I’m NOT COMFORTABLE with something. I don’t have to give you some explanation as to why, or try to sit here and rationalize it all with you. Fuck that. If you were a decent boyfriend you’d accept it and move on. But instead you never even want to do anything with me. What the fuck have we done other than make out in your bedroom or my bedroom so far this summer, huh? Have we gone swimming? To the movies? To the beach? To see our friends? Have we even really watched any TV? Do you even know what I like anymore? What’s my favorite book, Levi? What about my favorite anime? Huh? Do you know anything about me other than the fact that you want in my pants?”

At the end of his tirade, Eren was panting and Levi was shocked. His mouth was open and his eyes were wide. Eren turned and strode out of the room, not even bothering to shut the door.

* * *

A week passed, and then two. Eren tried not to get wrapped up in his anger and hurt, but he found it hard to do. Armin was spending most of his time with Annie, and Mikasa wasn’t much help.

Eren was at Mikasa’s house. Her parents were at work and they were on the couch, watching some 80s movie and eating popcorn. Eren had his head resting on her shoulder, trying not to sigh too often.

“Come on, Eren. He’s going to call you.”

“He’s probably expecting me to call him.”

“Even he knows that he was the one who messed up. I mean, he’s clueless about a lot of things, but he’s not THAT oblivious.”

“Have you seen him?” Eren looked up at her, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Why would I have seen him?”

“Well, I know that you went to your grandma’s house and I thought it was a possibility that he might have been there.”

“Uh, no. He wasn’t there. But, I did hear my grandma talking on the phone to Aunt Kuchel, I think. And it seems that he hasn’t been in a good mood lately, either. I heard Grandma say that he was welcome to come over anytime if it would cheer him up.”

“Right…why wouldn’t HE be in a good mood? He wasn’t the one who was being used and taken advantage of.”

“Please. It’s not as if you weren’t enjoying it, too.”

“I was. But…”

“I know, Eren. You’re gorgeous. But, you’re more than that. And you thought that Levi knew that, too. Maybe he does and maybe he doesn’t.”

Eren looked at Mikasa, sharply. It was the first time that she had ever said anything directly about his looks. He knew, thanks to her blushes, that she thought he was attractive, but she had never said anything so bluntly before.

“Hey, Mikasa, you know…” Eren began, realizing that this was walking in a minefield.

“Yeah, Eren, I know.” She replied, looking at him and smiling sadly. “It’s ok, for real. I came to realize that you’re like my brother. A surprisingly handsome and irritatingly frustrating brother.”

“Ah,” Eren sighed, smiling. He was so glad he wasn’t going to have to let his friend down.

“Can we grow up now?”

“Huh?”

“Like, I want to skip past all of this heartache bullshit and become an adult. I want to forget about middle school and high school and dating and drama and just find someone to love and…”

“Sometimes I think you’re such a kid, and then other times I think you’re way too old for your age, Eren.” Mikasa leaned down and kissed the top of his unruly hair.

“Wouldn’t it be easier?”

“But would it? I mean, how many movies are about adults finding love, or losing love, or falling out of love? Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean that you are destined to have it—and just because you’re a kid doesn’t mean that you won’t.”

“Fuck—that was pretty wise.”

“I have my moments.”

* * *

Three more days passed. It rained. Eren found himself trying to not die of boredom in his bedroom. His days were filled with anime and manga and a light novel he had wanted to read. Finally his mom walked in a turned on the light, trying to dispel the gloom.

“Honey, come on. Why don’t you come downstairs? We’ll watch TV with you.”

“I really don’t feel like company.”

“At least take a shower and change your clothes.”

Eren sighed. He looked down and noticed he was wearing the same shorts he had on two days ago and still wasn’t wearing a shirt. His hair was probably a wreck, but how was that any different than normal?

“I will tomorrow.”

“Have you at least been brushing your teeth?”

“Yeah—I can’t handle that.”

“Okay.” She said, ruffling his hair, messing it up even more, probably. She got up to leave and looked around, picking up a few glasses that had worked their way into the room. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, Mom.” Eren picked his iPad back up, opened up his manga app, and listened to his mom descend the stairs.

He heard a knock at the door, and his mom open it.

“Oh, I didn’t expect you! Come on in. He’s in his room,” her voice quietly ascended the stairwell.

Eren didn’t even look up, figuring that Mikasa was coming in. _She must be tired of me ignoring her texts._

“Hey, kid.” Levi’s voice broke Eren out of his reverie.

Eren jumped off his bed. He looked at Levi, who was standing there, soaking wet. _He looks terrible, like he hasn’t slept for weeks._ Levi’s eyes raked over Eren, stopping for a few seconds over his bare chest, before moving up to his eyes. His steely eyes bore into Eren’s as if he was trying to convey something without words. He cleared his throat. “Uh…”

“Levi…” Eren stood there, awkwardly, not sure what was happening. Should he try to find a shirt? Levi’s eyes kept on going back to his chest…Finally, he went to his dresser and grabbed a shirt out of the middle drawer and put it on. At least now he felt a little more comfortable. He sat on the side of the bed and motioned toward the desk chair for Levi. Getting the hint, Levi sat at the chair, after looking for a towel or something to place on the seat.

Levi cleared his throat again, clearly not sure of how to start. “Uh…so…”

Eren waited. He wasn’t going to jump in to help Levi. _Let him work this out._

“Uh…FUCK!” Levi stood and walked to the door. Eren thought he was going to leave. Eren closed his eyes, unwilling to see Levi leave. He heard the door close and a click. Opening his eyes, he saw Levi walking back to the chair, and sit down again. Levi put his head in his hands, leaning over his knees. He started talking quietly from that position, making it hard for Eren to make out the words.

“Eren, I’m sorry. I fucked up, ok? I knew it was going to be hard to open myself up to someone and I knew it was going to be rough holding myself back if you weren’t ready to move as fast as I was. But I didn’t realize that those two things were going to come out both at the same time. And I really didn’t mean to…to…be such an asshole to you. You’re a great kid.”

“Levi. First of all, look at me.” Levi finally looked up at Eren, who was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“It really pisses me off that you act like you’re 15 years older than me. You’re like two and a half years older than me, but you act like such an old man calling me a kid all the time. What are you? 45? You’re 15. Get over it. Also, how can we be in a real relationship if you don’t want to do anything with me but sex stuff? If that’s the case then we’re going to be sex-friends, not boyfriends. And I’m not ready to be sex-friends with anybody. I just had my first kiss not too long ago, and it was with someone I really cared about, and I can’t just turn those feelings off. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not ready to do anything, it just means that I’m not ready to do that. If we take things slow, or maybe slow-ER, and we talk about things and we actually TALK about other things and we actually have fun together and we learn about each other, then I think we could really work.”

Levi was on the edge of the chair, looking at Eren intently. “You’re a really smart person, Eren. When did you get so smart?”

Eren shrugged. “I don’t think I’m smart. My grades aren’t the best, but I pay attention to the shit that matters. And I think this matters. I’ve liked you for a long time, Levi. And because of that, I don’t want this to fall apart because of something that could easily be fixed. And I think if we talk about it, it could be easily fixed.”

Levi sighed. “So, it comes down to talking.”

“Yes, talking. Not trying to distract me by making out.”

“So, you noticed I was doing that.”

“Uh, yeah.” Eren could barely hold back the sarcasm. Levi began chuckling.

“Can I give you a kiss, Eren?”

“Can you keep it PG-13, Levi?” Eren teased.

Levi laughed and made his way to the bed. Kneeling on the floor he took Eren’s face in his hands. He leaned up and kissed Eren softly on the lips, the damp edges of his hair tickling Eren’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I missed you so much and I felt like shit this whole time. I had no idea how much you meant to me until you weren’t there anymore.” Eren sighed and rested his head on Levi’s shoulder, the shirt still a bit wet from the rain. “I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. All I could think about was what you said, and how right you were. I don’t want to treat you that way. I want to be better.”

Eren looked up, straight into Levi’s eyes. “Then be better.”

* * *

Amazingly, Levi learned how to open up. Eren was shocked. For the first time since he was young Eren saw Levi laugh openly with a huge grin on his face—something he thought he would never see again. Of course, it was when Eren fell on his ass when they were on a slip and slide in the back yard, but still, Eren had seen it and Levi hadn’t tried to hide it. Levi began to open up about everything. School was going to start soon, Eren was moving up to 7th grade and Levi was going to move into 9th, high school. Eren was worried about the change, about what would happen when they were no longer together in the same school, about what would happen when they weren’t on the same bus, but Levi, surprisingly, was more calm.

“Just because we’re at different buildings or on different busses doesn’t mean anything,” Levi said, one day while they were lounging in the back yard after pulling weeds from the Jaeger vegetable garden. “I’ll still come to your house or you’ll still come to mine. In fact—we’ll have more things to talk about since we won’t have spent all day together.”

Eren’s fears were more along the lines of jealousy. _Levi’s been awesome at moving to my pace. But he’s so hot, and I’m sure there are other guys who would be willing to go further with him than I am right now. With me gone from the day to day picture they’ll forget that I’m in the picture at all—even if he doesn’t. What if…_

“What are you thinking about?” Levi asked, jolting Eren out of his thoughts.

“Huh?—Oh, uh, just how good looking you are.”

“You looked worried. How does me being good looking make you worried?”

 _Shit, he’s getting pretty good at reading me._ “Ok, I’m kind of worried that people are going to hit on you left and right once you get to high school, since you’re so hot.” Eren winced, waiting for Levi’s laugh.

It didn’t come. Instead, he felt a little kiss against his cheek. Opening his eyes he saw a smile.

“I’m kind of worried about the same thing. You do know that you’re gorgeous, right?”

“Sure, Levi.”

“You are.”

“But, you could actually have sex with someone.”

“But I’d rather wait to have sex with you.”

Eren felt the heat rush up his face. This was the first time that Levi had actually said that a) he’d wait to have sex with Eren and b) he wanted to have sex with Eren. _I mean, sure I assumed he wanted to since he kissed me and those few times I could tell he was hard._

“You’d wait for me?”

“Of course—isn’t that what we’re doing?” Levi looked at Eren quizzically.

“Yeah, but I didn’t know that you really felt that way.”

“Oh, well, I do.” Levi leaned in again for another quick kiss. Eren closed his eyes to relish in the feeling.

* * *

Ever since that day, knowing that Levi was willing to wait for him to feel ready, Eren was willing to test his boundaries with Levi. Their ‘dates’ once again turned into make-out sessions in their bedrooms, often with them laying next to one another, completely out of breath.

One day, Eren reached down and grabbed Levi’s hips, bringing them flush with his own.

Levi’s eyes snapped open, “Eren, what are you doing?”

“I’m not ready to touch you yet, Levi, but I thought…maybe we could touch ourselves…in front of each other?” Eren could barely make the words out, he was so embarrassed and turned on at the same time.

Levi groaned and pushed his hips into Eren, “Please?”

Eren smiled and felt himself blushing. He was so glad for his tan skin. Hopefully Levi wouldn’t notice the flush. He reached down and pushed his shorts out of the way, exposing his boxers and his erection. He knew he wasn’t fully grown yet, but he also knew that Levi probably wasn’t yet either, so he wasn’t going to be self-conscious now. This was a time for them to feel good together. Looking at Levi he kissed him, and ran his hand down his own stomach to his aching cock. He could feel Levi’s hand moving down, too. He closed his eyes and kissed Levi, getting lost in the feeling of pleasure and the new feeling of warmth and pressure of a body next to him. He didn’t know how long passed. Their mouths connected, their moans entering each other’s lungs, the back of their hands brushing together, and every once in a while their cocks touching—sending shocks through their bodies. Eren was all instinct, his heartbeat whooshing in his ears, his hand wrapped around his penis, flicking at his slit, faster, and then slower, the way he liked to do it at night when he was alone and fantasizing about the boy who was lying next to him in this bed. His hips began to move on their own and he knew he was close. His eyes opened and he saw Levi, his gray eyes half opened in lust, staring at him, before Eren’s vision whitened out with pure pleasure as he moaned Levi’s name.

Time passed slowly and Eren came out of a daze. Levi’s head rested on his chest, in the crook of his arm, right by his armpit. Neither of them had pulled up their shorts, but the room was warm, and the sunlight’s rays shone onto the bed. Dust floated through the sunlight, making the day seem perfect in its laziness. _I swear if I never leave this bed, I’ll be fine._ Eren tilted his head to the right and kissed the top of Levi’s head. _He fits there perfectly._

Levi began to stir. _No, don’t get up yet. Just a few more minutes._ Eren closed his eyes, pretending to still be dozing.

“Hey…I know you’re awake. Come on. Get up. We need to clean up before this stuff gets too stuck on.”

Eren groaned. _Leave it to Levi to not be romantic at all._

Levi looked at Eren. “Don’t pout at me. You’ll be thanking me later.”

Eren sighed. “Fine.”

Levi smiled. He leaned up and kissed Eren before taking off his shorts completely and getting off the bed. “That was amazing—thank you.”

Eren couldn’t take his eyes off of a half-naked Levi as he walked into the bathroom. “You’re welcome.”

Levi walked back in with a wet washcloth that he handed to Eren as he looked down at Eren’s exposed body, smiling. “I can’t wait to do that again.”


	6. A New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new school year begins and the boys are no longer in the same building. Levi's entered high school and Eren is in 7th grade. A life-altering event happens that changes their dynamic.

The next school year began, as they always do. Eren and Levi didn’t share the bus since the high school was on a different side of town. They waited at the bus stop together, though, Eren getting picked up about 10 minutes earlier than Levi. Eren wasn’t as excited about school this year. His classes were fine, his friends were fine, after a few weeks of classes even his grades were fine.

He and Levi got into a schedule. After school, they would go to one of their houses and start on homework. They would usually have to take breaks for dinner. After homework was over they only had a little time to hang out until it was time for bed. Rinse, repeat. It became so much a part of Eren’s schedule that he loved it. The routine; the beautiful monotony. The physicality of their relationship that had worried him so much took a back seat once the school year started. They were both too busy with school and homework to spend all of their time making out like they had during the summer.

Stepping off the bus one Friday afternoon in December—only a week before Levi’s birthday—Eren saw a strange car in Levi’s driveway. He looked down at Levi, who looked at the car, too.

“Who’s here?” Eren asked.

“I think that’s my uncle’s car. Kenny.”

“Kenny? I haven’t seen him in—“ Right then the door opened and a tall, lanky man stepped out of the house and sauntered straight up to the boys.

“Hey kid,” Kenny said, looking down at Levi. “It’s been a while.”

Levi looked at him skeptically. “Yeah.”

“Who’s this?”

“He’s Eren—my boyfriend.”

“Holy fuck—the neighbor kid that used to follow you around? Damn kid, you grew up good and handsome. Had no clue either of you swung for that team.” Both of the boys looked at each other and rolled their eyes as Kenny gave Eren a once over.

“Yeah, well, we do. So, are you just going to stand here in the cold and make us feel weird or can we go inside and put away our shit?”

Kenny’s eyebrows rose and he chuckled as he stepped off the sidewalk and into the brown, winter grass. “Sure, kid, just make sure to be extra nice to your mom, she’s had a rough day.”

Eren looked down at Levi and could see the panic in his eyes.

“What do you mean a rough day?”

“She’ll tell you, kid. It was nice seeing you again, Eren. Take care of my nephew or I’ll kill you.”

Eren looked at Kenny, his eyes didn’t hold any humor in them right then. “Uh…yes, sir.”

Kenny smiled down at Levi, “He’s handsome and so polite, too. Too bad he doesn’t have tits—I’d steal him from you. Bye kids.” Eren didn’t even notice the breath he let loose as Kenny walked away.

Levi entered the dark house and called out to his mom. “Mom? Where are you?”

“Oh! I’m up here in my room—Kenny is such a worrier! Come on up and bring Eren with you, it’s ok!”

Eren breathed a sigh of relief. Things can’t be that bad if Kuchel is letting him come up, too.

Together, the boys walked up the stairs to the master bedroom. Eren could tell that Levi was anxious about his mom, so he reached down and grabbed Levi’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Hey, she said it’s ok.” Eren whispered as they got to Kuchel’s room.

They opened the door and saw her sitting up in the bed, propped up against the headboard. Other than looking a pale and a little thin, she looked fine—to Eren, at least.

Eren was surprised at the worried pace Levi set rushing over to Kuchel’s side. He wasn’t one to usually show his emotions so openly. Levi sat on the bed next to Kuchel and looked at her intently.

“Mom, what happened?”

Kuchel sighed, “God, your uncle has even got YOU worried. I swear, I’m fine.”

“Great, you’re fine—now tell me what the hell happened!”

Eren was shocked by the tone of Levi’s voice.He’d never heard Levi, who played and teased with his mom, have that tone when talking with Kuchel.

Kuchel looked at Levi, her jaw dropped open. She sighed again, “Fine…I was at work and suddenly felt dizzy.”

“That’s it? You felt dizzy?!”

“Well…I fell and blacked out for a few seconds. John, the manager, had me call Kenny and he came and took me to the hospital. They said I’m just exhausted. As long as I get some good rest, I’ll be fine.”

“What tests did they run?”

“What?”

“Mom, what tests did they run?”

“Uh, they did a brain scan and an EKG, and took my blood and all that stuff.”

Eren looked at Levi and Kuchel, sitting on the bed and talking about her time at the hospital. _It’s obvious how much Levi loves her._ Looking at the duo he could see all of the features that they shared. Levi’s face was almost a duplicate of Kuchel’s. A little difference in the eye shape, and the tip of Kuchel’s nose went up just a little, while Levi’s was straighter. They both had the thin lips, and now that she wasn’t feeling well, the smile that she usually had was replaced by the pinched lips Eren associated with Levi.

Eren shifted his weight, feeling out of place in their discussion. _I should leave. They need each other and I should do something to help._

“Uh, I’m going to go to my house and make some dinner for you both. That way you won’t have to worry about dinner.”

Two sets of gray eyes turned to him, the one face with a small, grateful smile, and the other with a perplexed look.

“Why would you leave?” Levi asked.

“I want to help, but I feel like this moment should be between you two, so…”

Kuchel’s smile grew a little and she reached out for Eren’s hand.

“I am so grateful you moved next door and you care about Levi.”

Eren blushed, thinking that Kuchel’s words were both kind and embarrassing. He tried not to look at Levi, aware that looking at him would make his blush deepen.

“Uh, yeah…I’m going to go now. I’ll bring something over later. I hope you feel better, Ms. Ackerman.”

Eren retreated from the room, feeling Levi’s eyes on his back. He ran down the stairs and out the back door to his own kitchen. Opening the door, he saw his mom looking at him worriedly.

“Eren, what’s the matter—you usually aren’t here this early?” she asked, looking at him as he came to give her a hug. Wrapping her arms around him, he knew that what he saw had affected him.

“Ms. Ackerman went to the hospital today…” Eren’s voice trailed off as he put his head on his mom’s shoulder. _When did she get so short?_

Carla grabbed his arms and looked up into his face. “What? Is Kuchel fine? What did they say?”

Eren took a deep breath and tried to relay it all to his mom, who immediately went to the refrigerator and began taking food out to prepare something for Kuchel and Levi.

“Ok, I’ll make a casserole. It won’t take long to pull together and then all we have to do is cook it. Are you sure you don’t want to go back and be with Levi?”

Eren felt torn. “I don’t know, Mom, it’s like part of me wants to be there, but the other part of me felt like I was intruding on something that was really private.”

Carla looked at Eren with sympathy. “Oh, honey. How about I prepare the casserole and then you take it to Levi’s and cook it over there? You can do any homework that you have and stay downstairs, but that way if he needs you you’re there.”

Eren thought about it carefully. _It’s not like Levi asked me to leave. I just know how if I found out that Mom went to the hospital I would want to be alone with her, wouldn’t I?_ Eren walked up behind Carla and gave her a hug while she was chopping onions. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I’m just worried. She didn’t look great, and Levi actually yelled at her because he was so worried. I’ve never seen them act that way together, and I know Levi isn’t going to want to talk about it.”

Carla put the knife down and reached her hand up to grab Eren’s. “Baby, all you can do is be there when he does want to talk. You can’t force it, even if it would help him.”

Eren sighed, “I know.” Carla picked the knife back up and finished dicing the onions. In less than ten minutes the casserole was ready for the oven. Carla covered the glass dish with aluminum foil and handed it to Eren with a kiss. “350 degrees for an hour. For the last 15 minutes take the foil off.”

“Ok, Mom. Thanks. I love you.” All Eren could think about now what what he would do in Levi’s situation. His eyes teared up as he looked at his mom.

Carla walked over and gave him another kiss. “You know we have good doctors here. They’re going to keep an eye on her. She’s a strong woman and she and Levi will be okay. I’ll go over later to see how everyone is—and when your dad gets home I’ll tell him about it, too. Maybe he’ll have some ideas. I love you, Eren.”

Taking a deep breath, Eren walked back out the kitchen door and over to Levi’s. He hadn’t even been gone that long, not even half an hour, but it seemed longer, somehow. Walking into Levi’s kitchen, Eren turned on the light and went to preheat the oven. He heard some footsteps behind him and turned to see Levi, his face impassive.

“What are you doing here? I thought you left.” Levi said, emotionless.

“I went home and Mom made a casserole. I’m going to cook it here, and be here if you need me.”

“Right…I needed you half an hour ago, but you left.”

Eren could tell that Levi was hurt at his decision to leave. “I felt that you two needed some time together and I thought that I could help out this way.”

“Uh-huh,” Levi grunted, still seeming upset.

Eren didn’t know what to do. _Should I go to him and hug him? Hold him? Or leave him alone for a bit?_ Eren stood there, in front of the pre-heating oven, trying to make up his mind. He looked to Levi for a hint of what he should do. _Fuck, I’m overthinking it, aren’t I? If the roles were reversed, I’d want to be held by him, so I’m betting that no matter how stand-offish he’s acting, deep down he wants to be held by me too._

Right then the oven beeped, its pre-heat cycle finished. Eren opened the door and put in the casserole, setting the timer for 45 minutes. _Don’t want to forget to take of the foil…_ Standing back up he turned to find Levi missing from the kitchen. _Where did he go? I didn’t hear the stairs._

Walking into the living room Eren saw Levi sitting on the couch, the TV turned on but with the volume so low it was barely distinguishable that it was even on. Eren sat next to Levi, afraid to look at his face. Levi turned away from Eren, obviously still hurt by Eren’s leaving. Eren reached for Levi and put his arms around him. It was awkward, especially since Levi was still turned away.

“Levi, come on, come here…”

Levi didn’t respond, instead sitting stiffly next to Eren.

 _Dammit, I messed up again. Now he’s all cold and distant. Fine, if he won’t come to me, I’ll go to him._ Eren slid closer to Levi and held him more comfortably, his head on Levi’s shoulder.

“Talk to me.”

“I’ve got nothing to talk about.”

“Yes, you do. Something scary happened. I could tell how you were worried and scared—”

“So you decided to leave me?!”

“No, I decided to give you and your mom some space to talk about things. Just because I left for a little doesn’t mean that I left you.”

Eren felt Levi’s sigh more than he heard it. A deep shrug of his shoulders and relaxing of his body. Levi eased into Eren’s arms. He still wasn’t looking at Eren, but at least he was accepting the hug.

“I’m here, Levi.”

“I know. Right now I’m just worried and I’m processing. I have nothing to really talk about, ok?”

“Ok.” Eren kissed Levi’s shoulder and closed his eyes, engulfed by the silence.

* * *

A week passed and Kuchel seemed to improve. Her color looked a little better and she was eating well—at least that’s how it looked to Eren. All Levi could see was that she was too thin and the color in her cheeks wasn’t as rosy as it had been. Eren tried remembering when she had rosy cheeks, since both she and Levi were very fair skinned, but he took Levi’s word for it.

Levi’s birthday came and went—he was now 16. Eren felt like such a kid compared to him. Sure, he’d be 14 soon, and he was a lot bigger than Levi who had basically stopped growing, but…16. _Sixteen is when you start driving and going on real dates…in your car. Without any parents watching over you. Fuck._ Eren realized that in their relationship he was the one who looked older than Levi, although that was just due to his size. With 16 came freedom, and Eren worried that Levi would grow up and away from him.

Since that day a week ago, Eren had been coming over to Levi’s to help around the house so that Kuchel could recover. His mom made extra for dinner and Eren would take it over and heat it up.

The days passed and Eren felt at home in Levi’s house, cooking and cleaning—although it was tough to clean to Levi’s standards.

Levi didn’t speak a lot. The brightness of summer, Levi’s open laughter and smiles, were far away now. Eren stayed, continuing his routine, caring for Levi and Kuchel.

After two weeks Kuchel went back to work, but her doctors didn’t want her to drive, so Levi got his license and drove her to work and picked her up once her shift was over. Eren enjoyed the times he went with Levi. The two of them were alone in the car with some mellow music playing. Even though they didn’t talk much, Eren could tell that Levi was calming down. The fact that Kuchel could go back to work eased his fears a little. Levi never said anything about it, though.

The weeks rolled past; Eren’s routine remained. But, Levi kept Eren at arm’s length. At first Eren didn’t notice. Levi didn’t talk very much, but Eren thought he just needed some time to process the situation.

After a particular Monday Eren went home from Levi’s and he realized that he and Levi hadn’t said anything to each other the entire time Eren was there. _When did THAT happen? Just yesterday he kissed me goodbye and…wait…no he didn’t. Yesterday he took his mom to work and then stayed there since her shift was short instead of driving back to see me. I mean, that makes sense, right?_ Then it hit Eren— _when WAS the last time that we kissed?_

Eren thought for a long time, but he wasn’t able to remember. The routine that he loved now seemed sad and pathetic. _When was it? WHEN WAS it?!_ Wracking his brain he finally realized that it was the day before Kuchel’s hospital visit. For months he and Levi hadn’t been communicating. And the way that Levi LIKED to communicate, physically, wasn’t even happening. He had given Levi the space he thought he needed, but now he felt like a stranger. _When was the last time we talked about anything other than our routine? Anything other than how his mom was or what was for dinner? How is school going for him? Fuck—how could I not have realized this was happening?!_

Eren picked up his phone from his nightstand and stared at his lock screen—a picture of him and Levi from the summer. It was right after they had been playing on the slip and slide in the back yard. Levi had an uncharacteristically large smile on his face as he looked at Eren, who was holding the phone for the selfie. Eren loved this picture.

Tears started rolling down his face as Eren realized that Levi hadn’t smiled at him in months. _God, how blind am I to what’s really going on? How can I bring this up to him? Won’t he just push me away more?_ His breathing started growing erratic as he tried to keep the tears in. _Ok, that’s it. I can’t just sit here and wait for him to talk to me. I can’t handle it. I’m going to talk to him._ Steeling himself to his decision the tears started to lessen. _God, I love him so much. Why is this happening? I need to talk to him or else I’ll go crazy. I need to try and get us back to where we were._

Eren unlocked his phone and went to his favorites list. He remembered when his mom saw that Levi was in the top position of the list. She laughed at the idea that Levi was before everyone else—even Eren’s parents. Clicking on the contact, Eren waited for Levi to pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Levi.”

“Did you forget something?”

“Uh, no not really. I just wanted to talk to you.” Hearing Levi’s voice was a balm to Eren’s uneasiness. But, he could tell that Levi wasn’t being open—even over the phone Eren could tell that Levi was reticent to talk.

“About what?”

 _God, this isn’t going to work, is it? He’s just going to shut me down._ “I just realized that we didn’t talk at all today—not even about dinner or anything—so I wanted to call and hear your voice.”

Eren heard Levi sigh into the phone.

“Why?”

“I told you why.”

“Look you can either continue to come over and keep things the way they are, or you can hang up now and stop coming over.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Eren, I’m not going to talk to you about anything.” He could hear the resolve in Levi’s voice.

“What do you mean? Why not?”

“Because, Eren, I’m in this on my own. Sure, you’ve helped out, but I didn’t ask you to.”

“That’s not why.”

“Then why is it Eren? Huh? Why don’t YOU tell ME the reality of the situation?!”

Tears rolled down Eren’s face at hearing the aggression and anger in Levi’s voice. “It’s because you’re scared, I think. Because you love your mom and you’re scared about how things are going to turn out. And, I think, because of that you are pushing me away because…you…love me too.”

Levi laughed. It wasn’t the light, excited laughter of the summer. It was a cynical and sarcastic laugh that cut to Eren’s heart. “Sure, Eren, that MUST be the case. It couldn’t be because when I needed you, you disappeared. It couldn’t be because since that day all I can see is how when things get tough you’re going to abandon me. I DON’T love you. Nice try on that one.” Click. _Levi hung up the phone._

The tears were back in full force. Eren couldn’t breathe as his heart shattered to pieces.

* * *

The next day Eren walked from the bus to his own house, for the first time in months not stopping by Levi’s. He noticed a strange car in the driveway. _That’s not Kenny’s car…I wonder who’s there._ Walking past the driveway and to his own door, he looked through Levi’s living room window. He could see a boy on the couch. _Who’s that?_ Trying not to get too worked up he unlocked his own door and went into the living room.

“Oh! You aren’t going Levi’s today?” Grisha sat on the couch watching TV.

“Um, I don’t think…” that’s all that came out before the tears started flowing.

“Woah!” Grisha jumped up and went to Eren, wrapping his arms around his son. “It’s ok. Just sit here and talk to me, ok?”

Eren sobbed into his dad’s chest, unable to say anything intelligible. Grisha patted his back, and led him to the couch. “It’s ok, Eren. It’s ok. I promise. Right now things might suck, but it’ll be ok.” Grisha’s words didn’t do anything to ease the pain in Eren’s heart, but he knew that in reality his dad was right.

Trying to get the sobs to subside, Eren took a deep breath. He looked up at his dad and tried to smile. “At least we aren’t in the same building, right? Wouldn’t it be worse to have to avoid him every day?”

Eren heard footsteps coming in from the kitchen. “Oh, honey. What happened? I thought you were so close.” Carla sat on the couch on the other side of Eren, who was now hugged by both of his parents.

“I thought so too—until I realized that we hadn’t spoken about anything, and we didn’t even kiss anymore. I don’t know what happened! I tried to talk to him…” The tears rolled down Eren’s face as he tried to answer his mom.

“I bet he’s just scared. He probably thinks that if he isn’t close to anyone he won’t get hurt.” Carla’s soothing voice reached Eren’s ears.

“No! That’s what I told him last night, and he said that’s not it. He said I’ll abandon him. He said he—he—” the uncontrolled sobbing stopped Eren from finishing the sentence.

Above his head his parents looked at each other in despair. Eren could feel his mom start rocking, just like she had when he was little and crying.

“Shh…you don’t have to tell us. It’s ok. Why don’t we order some food for dinner and watch a movie together, just the three of us?” Carla’s whisper somehow made it to Eren’s ears through his cries. He nodded.

* * *

The days passed, and Eren’s feelings evolved. At first he was heart-broken and distraught, but now he was getting angry. _How dare Levi act as if I didn’t care! He should know that doing things is my way of showing that I care. I was trying to help._

His friends, including Armin and Mikasa, quickly learned not to ask about Levi. But they all just assumed that it was a minor obstacle—similar to other fights they had before. Eren knew, though, that this one was different.

Levi wasn’t taking any of his calls. That car was in his driveway every day. One night, Eren even saw the boy leaving Levi’s house. Eren was aware that their lives were moving apart, and not together—the way they had been for the past year. _It’s like 4_ _th_ _grade all over again. Levi decides—on his own—to push me away and to ignore me. Who is this boy that’s always there? What is he to Levi? Why is he there when I’m pushed out? Why do I love him when he causes me so much pain. Over and over again. All I want is for him to love me back and when I KNOW that he does he gets too scared and pushes me away. Why?_

Armin and Mikasa, while still not talking about Levi directly, were there to support Eren. They tried to distract him from the reality of the situation. They continuously invited him to their houses, or were at his house to be there for him when he saw that car in the driveway. They didn’t even question when he would start crying or screaming or even when he got all silent.

His birthday came and went. It wasn’t how he had expected to spend it, with his parents and Armin and Mikasa in the kitchen around a homemade cake. He was now 14. It felt like there was a hole in his life.

* * *

The days continued to pass. One Friday night, Armin and Mikasa were spending the night at Eren’s—trying, unsuccessfully, to get him to cheer up from his funk. Eren walked into the kitchen, grabbed the popcorn from the cupboard and went to the microwave, unwrapping the package as he went. His eyes automatically looked out the window toward Levi’s kitchen window, a habit he had picked up in the previous months.

Eren dropped the popcorn bag on the floor, unable to believe his eyes. That boy had Levi pressed against the refrigerator and was kissing him and had his hand up Levi’s shirt. Armin and Mikasa ran in, and it was then that Eren knew he had yelled. He couldn’t stop looking, at Levi, HIS Levi, being kissed and groped by someone who wasn’t him.

The tears began rolling down Eren’s face as Mikasa and Armin tried to console him. Mikasa ran to the window and lowered the blind, cutting off Eren’s view of the scene in Levi’s kitchen. Eren looked up at his friends, realizing that at some point he had kneeled on the floor. Armin and Mikasa wrapped their arms around him and let him cry—not even trying to move him to the other room.

“Who?” Eren’s words could barely make it out of his mouth past the wracking sobs.

“It doesn’t matter, Eren…come on. We’ve got you.”

“It DOES matter,” Eren tried to get out, but the words sounded more like a grotesque screech than his voice.

“He’s an asshole.” Mikasa wasn’t pulling any punches. “Why the hell was he doing that in the kitchen when he knows you could easily see?”

“Because he doesn’t care.” Eren’s sobs became less dramatic as he felt a chill run through his heart. “All of this time I thought he and I would work things out. I thought that he just needed some time to figure shit out. But, in reality, it’s what I always feared—he never really loved me, did he? I love him so much, but he didn’t ever feel the same, did he?”

Armin and Mikasa couldn’t say anything to help their friend’s broken heart. They just held him as he continued to cry.

* * *

The next few days Eren avoided the kitchen, even though he asked his mom to keep the blinds down. He couldn’t handle even the possibility of seeing something like that again. He avoided looking at the cars at Levi’s house, carefully making sure to keep his eyes on his phone when he got near his house from the bus stop. So he missed the day that Kenny’s car was there. It wasn’t until he walked into his living room that he knew something was wrong.

Kenny and his parents sat in the living room. His parents both looked shocked and his mom had tears streaming down her face.

“Eren, come in honey,” she said, looking at the open door.

“What’s wrong?” Eren asked, guarded, worried that something happened to Levi—despite his hurt, his mind automatically went to the boy who held his heart.

“Honey,” Carla began, stopping as tears continued to flow.

“Hi, kid,” Kenny said, his voice rough and his eyes red-rimmed.

Grisha, no stranger to difficult talks, took over. “Eren, Kuchel had a massive heart attack today and she didn’t make it.”

“What?!” Eren was in shock. “But she was fine…” He looked at Kenny who was shaking his head.

“No, kid, she hasn’t been fine for a while.”

Eren turned to the door and began to walk out it, meaning to go to comfort Levi. Kenny’s voice stopped him.

“I wouldn’t go to him right now. You might not like what you see.” Eren froze at the door, his hand on the knob.

“Ah, right…” Eren’s shoulders started to shake with the tears he was trying to hold back. Carla came up behind him and led him back to the couch.

“Sit with me, honey,” she said, wrapping her arm around him. Eren leaned into the comfort of his mom, unable to imagine her gone. _Poor Levi. He loved his mom so much…what will he do without her there?_ The tears began to flow unashamedly down his face as he turned his head into his mom’s shoulder.

“Levi’s going to be moving in with me.” Eren gasped and looked up at Kenny, who was looking at him with sadness in his eyes. “I know it isn’t ideal since he’ll have to switch schools and there’s only month left in the school year, but…”

Carla and Grisha nodded, probably expecting this to happen. After all, Kenny was the closest thing that Levi had to a dad.

“If there’s anything that either of you need…” Carla’s voice trailed off.

“Yeah, I know. Kuchel loved you guys—always saying how lucky she was to have you all move in next door. Levi’s not doing as well…” Kenny looked directly at Eren with those words. “Sorry, kid.”

Kenny stood up and walked to the door. He turned and looked at them. “We’re going to go to my place now, but we’ll be back to clean up the house and get all of his stuff before we sell it. Could you keep an eye on it?”

“Of course,” Grisha said.

“If you want, I can clean out her bedroom. Pack up the clothes and things,” Carla offered.

“That would be great. I know we’ll have a hard enough time in the rest the house. Her room would be the hardest.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Carla dislodged Eren from her grasp and stood up, walking to Kenny. She hugged him strongly and said, “Give Levi our love…ok?”

Kenny stood in shock before he looked to Grisha and Eren, still sitting on the couch. He brought his right hand up to Carla’s shoulder, patting it awkwardly. “Thanks. I’ll let him know…” He looked straight at Eren as he said it. Kenny turned and left the house, leaving the Jaegers to their own grief.

* * *

That night Eren went upstairs and thought about calling Levi. His phone was in his hand, ready to make the call. _I can do it. He pushed me away, and he doesn’t want me. It hurts so much, but right now he’s hurting worse._ Eren pressed Levi’s name and waited to see if it would connect. He wasn’t surprised when it went to voicemail.

Clearing his throat, Eren tried to figure out what to say.

“Hey, Levi…it’s me, Eren. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I know that you must be in so much pain right now. I want you to know that I’m here if you need someone to talk to. I know things have been rough between us, but I really care about you. Still. Ok, call me if you want to talk. Bye.”

Eren hung up the phone, and realized how inadequate that message was. _How can you help someone when such a life-altering event has changed their lives? What could I say? God, I love him, why didn’t I tell him that? No, I’m pitiful enough, he doesn’t need to know how bad it is. He’d think I’m trying to take advantage of the situation in order for him to talk to me. If he calls me then I’ll tell him._ Eren waited, with his phone on his chest, hoping that Levi would call.


	7. Marley's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After 10 years Eren has an accidental reunion with some people from his past. He's currently in a happy relationship with a woman and everyone is excited to see how they all have changed.
> 
> Levi and Eren are STILL end game so don't get upset...and I will NOT be doing sex scenes of the non Levi/Eren couples. ;)

Eren took out the keys and unlocked the apartment door. Opening it, he listened to see if anyone else was home.

“Huh, I guess she’s still on campus.”

He took off his shoes in the entry way and dropped his leather messenger bag near the shoe rack. _She’ll give me a look if I don’t put it in my office._ Sighing, he picked it back up and walked down the hall to the second door on the right. He opened the door and turned on the light, ignoring the interior as he tossed in the bag.

He walked to the open living area and sat on the couch, propping his feet on the coffee table and turning on the TV. _Nothing’s ever on at 3 in the afternoon. I don’t even know why I turn this shit on._ Dragging his phone out of his heads pocket he looks at his lock screen, a picture of his most recent painting, Annie as the Female Titan. Everyone in the art community was praising him for his imagination and rawness, but he was the only one who knew that the object he was painting weren’t just figments of his imagination.

In the last few years he’s gotten fairly popular as a national artist. He’s almost 26, and he’s met more of the people from before—enough to know that they weren’t all exact replicas from the Titan World (what he’d begun calling it). Annie, for instance. Sure, she was kind of stand offish at first, but she wasn’t out to kill him or his friends for a feud that spanned centuries. Instead, she became a close friend that he valued. _She DID think it was weird when I painted her like that. HA! The look on her face when I showed her the picture of her standing over Mikasa. Hilarious._

 _Hmm, no texts or anything._ He looked up from his phone to the pictures on the mantle. All of the memories in the aesthetically pleasing layout she chose. _Ha, she knows I don’t care enough about that shit…_

His phone rang, her face filling the screen. “Hey, babe.”

“Hey, honey! I just got out of class, BUT you’ll never guess who I met on my coffee run before class! Ymir! Remember her? My friend from middle school?”

Eren could hear the excitement in Christa’s voice. How COULDN’T he remember Ymir? Ha! She had had a bigger crush on Christa than he did. He chuckled. “Yep, I remember her! How is she doing?”

“She’s doing well—it’s amazing. She looks exactly the same. Well, maybe a little taller, if you can believe that! We decided to stop by that fancy bar tonight if you want to join us. I was thinking you could invite Armin and Mikasa, too, since I’ll probably be busy catching up.”

“That sounds fine. I’ll have to call them to see if they’re free. I think Mikasa will be, but Armin usually has so much studying that I’ll have to check.”

“Ok! I’ll see you in about 20 minutes or so. Love you!”

“Love you too, babe.”

Eren hung up the phone and went to the group text that he still had with Mikasa and Armin, asking if they were free to go to Marley’s tonight. Mikasa immediately answered that she was, her last client at the gym was at 4. Armin, unsurprisingly, didn’t answer until Christa was walking through the door.

**A: Sure can! Tonight I’m free!**

**E: Woot! The trio’s getting together!**

**M: OMG—you guys are so stupid.**

Eren laughed as Christa walked over to the couch, leaning over the back of the couch and giving him a kiss. “What’s so funny?”

“Mikasa is calling us out on our idiocy—BUT, they can both make it tonight, so, I’m happy.” Eren looked up at the blonde behind him as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he tilted his head back on the couch. _Fuck, she’s so gorgeous. I wonder if we have enough time to…_

“Hey?”

“Yeah?”

“What time did you say you’d meet her?” Eren knew he wasn’t keeping the smirk out of his voice or his eyes, but after two years of living together he didn’t think he had to.

“Ha—you horny thing! I said 6. So, yes, we have enough time.” She rolled her eyes and smiled down at Eren, grabbing his hand as he sat up and got off of the couch, leading him into their bedroom, the pictures on the mantle watching their retreat.

* * *

Eren and Christa walked into Marley’s about 5 minutes to 6. Christa always liked being punctual. Christa’s face lit up as she saw Ymir at the bar. “Hey, hon, I’m going to go up and order our drinks—want to find us a booth?”

Eren leaned down and gave her a kiss, noticing that Ymir glared at him. “Sure, I’ll look around and see if Armin and Mikasa are here yet. Just look for me. You know what I want.”

Eren looked around. The place was pretty busy for a Wednesday night. In a corner he saw Armin and Mikasa in a round booth with someone else. _Who the hell is that? That’s one broad back!_ Eren walked over to the corner and nearly jumped when his eyes landed on Erwin Smith.

“Holy fuck! Erwin!” Eren’s surprise was evident.

Mikasa laughed gently, unable to hide her amusement.

“I know, right?!” said Armin, excitedly. “I ran into him on campus after I got your text so I decided to invite him, too!”

Erwin laughed good-naturedly, seeming to not have changed much, other than stature, in the years since Eren had seen him last. Eren squeezed into the booth next to Mikasa, who scooted closer to Armin and Erwin.

“It’s good to see you, too, Eren. I was telling Armin that it seems as if you are all doing well for yourselves.” Erwin’s smile was genuine and kind. _How is this guy so nice?_

Eren chuckled, pulling his hair into a little ponytail. “Yeah—it was a bit rocky for me for a while, but things have leveled out now. How have you been?”

“Ah! I’ve been good! I’m a lawyer and I’m working at a local firm. Doing cases that focus on equity. You know LGBTQ rights and BLM and things like that.” Erwin took a sip from his drink, it looked like a regular lager, and smiled.

“Wow—that’s impressive! I always kinda figured you’d be a politician.”

“Ha! No way. I can’t compromise my beliefs so easily. Armin and Mikasa have told me a little about their successes. How about you?”

 _Shit, this is where it always gets awkward._ “I’m an artist. Like, a professional one.”

“Really?” Erwin’s impressive eyebrows shot up.

Armin jumped in, always ready to brag on his best friend. “Yeah! Some of his paintings are being shown at the museum right now!”

Erwin’s eyes got impossibly bigger. “But, I don’t remember you doing art in school.”

“Yeah, it’s something I devoted myself to later…” Eren said, ignoring the way that Mikasa looked at him knowingly.

“Congratulations! Are you seeing anyone? Believe it or not, I started dating Mike after catching up with him at a high school reunion…” Erwin’s face turned the most uncharacteristic pink, it was actually quite adorable, and Eren tried his best not to ‘aww’ at it.

Eren smiled. “Yeah, I’m with Christa. We met again a few years ago when I went home to see Mikasa’s family for a visit. It was just a chance encounter, but she was as sweet as ever…”

Christa’s voice cut in with an, “Aww, you’re telling him how we re-met? You’re so cute!” She leaned down and gave him a kiss, placing his drink in front of him on the table. Eren looked up and saw the daggers in Ymir’s eyes. _So, THAT hasn’t changed._

Sliding over to let the two women in the booth, Eren said, “Hi Ymir! It’s been a long time. It’s great that you and Christa are able to reconnect like this, huh?”

Ymir looked at Eren and grunted, “yeah,” before turning her attention entirely to Christa. Armin and Mikasa laughed openly at the look on Eren’s face. Erwin was kinder, trying to hide his amusement behind his beer. Soon it was evident that there were two separate parties at the booth: Christa and Ymir, and Armin, Mikasa, Erwin, and Eren. It was nice, though. Eren was happy to spend time with his friends and reconnect with Erwin, who remained as self-assured and genuine as he had been in school. Eren’s arm was looped around Christa, the only connection between the two groups, and occasionally she would reach down and caress his thigh. He was happy.

* * *

Levi’s POV

Levi was cleaning glasses as Erwin walked up to the bar. He sat his giant frame down in a stool and Levi put a beer down in front of him.

“Oh man, I’m glad you were off yesterday.”

“What the fuck do you mean? Why would you care that I was off?”

“I came here yesterday.”

“That’s strange. You usually don’t come on days I’m off, but whatever.” Levi wasn’t about to indicate that his curiosity was killing him.

“I ran into somebody on campus when I went to see an old professor. They invited me here for drinks.” Erwin looked at Levi, knowing that his vagueness was piquing Levi’s curiosity.

“Just fucking tell me already.” Levi rolled his eyes, irritated and over Erwin’s games.

“Armin Arlert.” Levi’s hands froze on the glass he was currently cleaning.

“Who the fuck cares about that mushroom headed kid?” Levi was upset to note that his voice was a bit strained, he hoped that Erwin didn’t notice it.

“First of all, he’s had a haircut, and his hair doesn’t look like that anymore. He’s actually quite handsome. Second of all, there are several people who care about him. Including your cousin—who is beautiful, by the way—and your former neighbor.” Levi was looking down, but he could feel Erwin’s eyes piercing into him regardless.

“They were both here? How is…she?”

“Ha—Levi, you know you aren’t really asking me about Mikasa. But, she’s doing well. She’s a personal trainer, as if you couldn’t find that out yourself if you would ever contact your family.”

“That’s good. She was always very...coordinated.” Levi nodded and went back to putting the glasses away.

“He’s doing well, too.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“But you wanted to know.”

“Fuck you.”

Erwin chuckled into his beer as Levi finished with the glasses.

“How does he look?”

Erwin sighed wistfully. “Damn, he’s handsome. Taller, broader in the shoulders. His hair’s longer, too. Had it pulled back in a little ponytail. Wait—he has tattoos! He had a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the tattoos went down both arms to his wrists.”

Levi felt his mouth go dry at the description—trying to imagine it.

“He’s an artist. Successful one, I guess. Has some paintings at the museum. I was surprised at that. Haven’t you ever looked him up?”

“No. Never.” Levi couldn’t. He couldn’t go down that path. “Well, I’m glad things have worked out for him. It sounds like things are going well.”

Levi could feel Erwin’s eyes on his face. “He’s dating Christa. That girl from middle school.”

“Oh?” Levi kept his face expressionless. “That’s nice. She was always sweet. I bet they look cute together.”

Erwin stared at him. “Cut the crap, Levi.”

Levi looked up. “What do you mean, Erwin?” He made sure to keep his voice even, with a hint of threat.

Erwin looked at his beer, recognizing when Levi’s stubborn nature wouldn’t budge. He changed the topic.

* * *

Later that night Levi couldn’t help it. For the first time ever he opened his phone and searched for Eren’s name. Pictures flooded his screen. But they weren’t pictures of Eren, they were paintings. Of forests, and strange creatures without dicks and/or portions of their skeletons showing, and there was even one of…him…in a uniform on a horse. He’s never worn a uniform or even ridden a horse. _Where the hell did this idea come from?_ Levi scrolled to the next page and his breath caught. There, standing next to a painting, was Eren. He was smiling. His turquoise eyes were crinkled at the edges. His hair was down in this picture, just about to his shoulders and tucked behind his ears. He was wearing a suit, so Levi couldn’t see any trace of tattoos, but he looked all the same.

Levi sighed and closed the app. _What the fuck am I doing? It’s been over 10 years. I never called him and I’m sure he hates me. Plus, he’s successful and has a girlfriend._ Closing his eyes, Levi tried not to think about the thing he regretted the most in his life.

* * *

Friday afternoon Levi sat at the bar, editing his writing, keeping an eye on the one patron sitting in the corner. The door opened and a loud group came in, laughing, and Levi tucked his work away under the bar. Standing he stopped in his tracks, his eyes meeting the turquoise ones across the room. Levi’s heart started beating quickly as he looked away and grabbed a glass, acting as if they didn’t just see each other. _Fuck. God dammit. Fucking Erwin and fucking timing, and fucking everything._ Hearing a throat clear he looked up, directly into those eyes he had tried to avoid earlier. _I’ll pretend I don’t remember him…_

“Welcome to Marley’s. What can I get you?” Levi asked in his most professional, if standoffish, manner.

Eren looked confused. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at Levi. _Fuck. He’s gorgeous._ _Keep it up, Levi. You can do it._

“Uh, hi?”

“Hi? What do you need?” Levi knew that keeping up the charade was going to be tough.

“Uh, a pitcher of beer? Lager?” Eren said, as if it was a question.

“Really? A pitcher of lager? In this fancy ass place and you want a pitcher of lager? Ok.” Levi could hear a chuckle behind him as he turned to grab a pitcher.

“Hi, Levi.”

 _Fuck._ “Do I know you?”

“Oh, I must’ve changed a bit. It’s me, Eren…your old neighbor.”

 _Well, at least he didn’t say your old boyfriend._ Levi sighed.

“Ah, Eren. Yeah. I remember you. It’s been a while. How have you been?” _Come on, Levi, keep your voice calm._

Levi turned and looked up over the beer taps at Eren and saw his face light up. _Fuck._ He was wearing a blue V-neck sweater with the sleeves pushed up. Levi caught a glimpse of those tattoos. His hair was down and tucked behind his ears, and his smile lit up his face.

“I’m doing fine! I’m living here in the city now. Uh, I paint…” Levi could tell that Eren was starting to feel a little awkward. At that moment the pitcher was filled.

“Here you go—here’s your lager.”

Eren smiled at him, looking him straight in the eyes, and grabbed the lager. He walked away, headed to the booth in the corner where there were a group of people, including Mikasa.

 _Damn, those pants…_ Levi knew he shouldn’t be staring at Eren’s ass, but he also figured he could claim he was looking toward the group. Mikasa waved and Levi raised his hand in acknowledgment. The entire group turned to look and he saw a bunch of smiles. A few that seemed sincere, even. _Ah, there’s Christa. She’s adorable with her head leaning on his shoulder._ Levi sighed and pulled out his writing again, glancing at the group to make sure they didn’t need anything.

A few more minutes passed before he saw a shadow over his papers. Looking up he saw Eren’s eyes glancing at his writing.

Eren took a seat at the bar. Levi looked at the booth and noticed that everyone else was chatting away without him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be there?” he asked.

“Eh—I see them all the time and they knew I wanted to talk with you, so it’s no biggie. What are you doing?” Eren had always been a curious person.

Levi looked at the papers in front of him. “I’m editing.”

“Ok? What are you editing?”

“My dissertation.”

“Woah! Holy shit, Levi, are you getting a doctorate?”

Levi rolled his eyes and sighed. He hated talking about this because it’s taken years of his life. “Yes, but it’s taking forever, and I don’t even know how much longer it will take.”

“Wait—what’s it in?”

“History.”

“History? Did you even like history?”

Levi held in a chuckle, trying to keep his face impassive. “It grew on me.”

“Cool! So how long has it been?”

“I had a contract with the university for 4 years and I was a GTA but it’s been 2 years since then. I think I’m almost done.”

“So you aren’t working at the university anymore?”

“Fuck no. I can’t handle shitty first years. Teaching them western civ and all they do is stare into space. After those 4 years were up I got a job here. I can do my work as long as it’s slow. I’m only taking one credit a semester, so it’s not costing me an arm and a leg either.” _Dammit. That’s the most I’ve willingly talked to anyone in months. Unless I’m drunk._

“That’s amazing, Levi!” Looking up, he could see the sincerity in Eren’s eyes. He didn’t know what to say to that, so he just shrugged.

Christa came up and put her hand on Eren’s shoulder. “Hey, hon. I think our reservation is about ready. Ready to go?” She turned and looked at Levi, “Hi, Levi.” Unlike Eren, she seemed a little more reticent in her greeting.

“Hi, Christa.”

Eren smiled at her. “Yeah, babe. Is Ymir meeting us there?”

“Yep,” she replied, smiling back. _Fuck, they are so cute together._ Levi looked down at his papers, pretending that he was reading through his argument for the millionth time. He saw Eren get up to leave and looked up through his lashes.

“Levi—it was really great seeing you.” Levi swore his heart stopped with that smile aimed at him. He just nodded and raised his hand in a little wave as Eren and Christa walked to the door, his eyes not leaving the couple.

He heard a throat clear to his left and he stood quickly to see Mikasa standing there looking at him, knowingly.

“Hi, Levi.”

“Yeah, hi.”

“It’s been years. I haven’t seen you since Grandma’s funeral, I think.”

“Probably. You know, I’ve been busy.”

“Sure. Me too.” She surprised him by sitting down at a barstool. “Can I have a vodka tonic?”

“Sure.” He began preparing the drink in an easy silence.

“Aren’t you going to dinner?”

“Nah. That’s for Eren, Christa, Ymir, and one of Eren’s painter friends. I think they’re trying to hook Ymir up with him. I don’t think that’s going to work out all all…”

Both Levi and Mikasa chuckled under their breath as he placed the drink in front of her on the bar.

“That girl’s had eyes for Christa ever since the first time I saw her,” Levi said.

Mikasa nodded, taking a sip of her drink. “Kinda like you and Eren, right?” Her eyes slid to Levi’s, who quickly looked away.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He picked up the bar rag and began cleaning off a corner of the bar.

“Yes, you do. You two are like magnets. As long as you aren’t near each other you can ignore the pull, but once you see one another it’s impossible for you to ignore. You both naturally search each other out.” Levi could tell she was still looking at him, so he pretended that there was a spot that really needed some scrubbing.

“I haven’t thought of him in years.”

Out of the corner of her eye he could see her shrug. “Maybe that’s true…maybe not. But now that you’ve seen him that pull is back, isn’t it?”

He finally looked at her, directly in those eyes that seemed to hold a host of mysteries. “Fine. What do you want me to say? Sure. I feel it. He’s handsome. It was nice to see him.”

She smiled and nodded, sighing into her drink. “I wish it would have worked out for one of us.”

Levi was taken aback. “What?! You like Eren?!”

Mikasa almost choked on her drink. “Oh fuck no! Haha! No! I LIKED Eren. Liked. Past tense. Man, when Eren was head over heels in love with you I liked him. It didn’t take long for me to realize, though, that I was the losing cousin in that battle. So, I resigned myself to my fate. The sister. The confidant. The one who he came to when you broke his heart.” This last was said with all of the disdain and coldness Levi himself could produce. He flinched. She saw it and smiled. “And now he’s happy. He’s planning to propose. He’s already got the ring picked out and everything.” She looked at Levi pointedly.

Levi looked at the bar and nodded. “That’s great. I’m happy for them.” He looked back up into her eyes. “I was thinking that they made such a cute couple.”

Mikasa looked at him suspiciously. Levi smiled, sincere. “For real.”

She sighed. “Don’t fuck this up for him.”

“Never…what about you? You’re beautiful…and successful, from what Erwin tells me.”

Mikasa sighed again, finishing up her drink. She tapped the rim and Levi made her a second. Handing it over, she took a sip and closed her eyes. “I don’t think it’s in the cards.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think he thinks about me that way.”

“Why?”

“We’ve known each other forever and I’m as much a sister to him as I am to Eren,” she whispered.

“Wait—Armin?” Levi looked at her incredulously.

She looked at him with a challenge in her eyes. “Yes. Armin. And don’t give me that look.”

Levi smiled, finding it funny that after all of these years he and his cousin would reach a peace here at this bar.

“What about you?”

He looked up at her questioning face. “Huh?”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Dipshit. What about you?”

“I’m trying to finish this god awful dissertation.”

“Is it really god awful?” she asked.

He huffed a laugh. “No, actually I’m quite proud of it. My advisor says that it’s the best one she’s chaired.” Mikasa’s eyes widened at the information and his chuckle got more prominent.

“But, you want to know about my sex life, right? Eh, it’s ok. I mean, I work here, right? I pick up guys when I’m lonely and the rest of the time I get the solitude I want. It works for me.” He smirked at her, raising his eyebrow.

She blushed a little, not expecting him to be so open with her. “But what about love?”

“What about it?” He asked, shrugging. “Like you said, I don’t think it’s in the cards. My life is too busy for other people. I’m too particular for other people. Actually, there are very few people I can handle for long amounts of time. So spending the rest of my life with one person? No thanks. Spending one night getting my dick wet? Sure.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened and she huffed a laugh while shaking her head. The bar fell into a comfortable silence.

* * *

Eren’s POV

_Holy shit—I can’t believe I actually talked with Levi. Fuck; he’s as hot as he was then._ “Huh?” He looked at Christa who shook her head laughing. They walked back to the apartment from the dinner, holding hands and chatting about the evening. 

“Nothing. I just mentioned that it’s kind of been like a mini reunion lately, you know? First I see Ymir and then you see Erwin and Levi.”

“You’re right!” Eren can’t get over it. It’s been over 10 years since he sent that text to Levi, and he never heard anything. No news at all, not even anything from Mikasa about him. “Doesn’t he look good?”

Christa gave Eren a side-eye, and then he realized what exactly he said. “Not that he looks GOOD, just that he doesn’t look…bad?” Eren’s voice dropped into a question and Christa laughed at the ridiculousness.

“Yes, Eren, he doesn’t look bad.” She admitted while rolling her eyes. He could tell that she wasn’t wholly comfortable with the situation. He wasn’t sure why. Ymir was as attached to Christa as Eren had been to Levi. Sure they hadn’t officially dated, but everyone in middle school had known that dating was Ymir’s end game.

“Why’d you roll your eyes? I didn’t give you grief when you said how good Ymir looked. Everyone, including YOU, knows how much she liked you. In fact, I don’t know why we even introduced her to Patrick. He totally isn’t her type.” Eren looked down at Christa, surprised to see the look of shock on her face.

“What?”

“What?”

“What do you mean she liked me?”

Eren’s laughter cut through the noise of the city. “Ha! Come on, Christa. That girl was head over heels in love with you. She never took her eyes off of you. In fact, even tonight she glared at me when you put your hand on my leg! It’s been years. At least Levi didn’t glare at you!”

Christa looked confused as she looked up at Eren. “I swear! I never noticed. I thought she was just being a good best friend.”

Eren continued laughing, unable to believe that she was that clueless. “Come on. Really? What about when she asked you to the prom? That didn’t tip you off?”

Christa blushed and shook her head. “No—no! I figured that she wanted to just go as friends. She didn’t think any guys would ask her, so…” her voice trailed off as realization dawned in her eyes. “Holy shit.”

“It’s ok—I went with Armin and Mikasa, so…no harm, no foul…” Eren’s laughter continued to bubble up as he watched Christa’s face go through a series of expressions.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was small and Eren could barely hear her.

“What? What are you sorry for?”

“I was a little jealous when I saw you interacting with Levi.”

Eren was surprised. “Is that why you got all snarky with me?”

Christa sighed, “I wasn’t snarky!”

Eren chuckled, “Sure you weren’t…”

“It’s just he was the first person you loved and to hear you say how good he looked kind of made me…a little…”

“Uncomfortable?”

“A little.”

Eren leaned down and kissed Christa chastely, chuckling at her ridiculousness.


	8. Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Christa have a talk and Eren goes to Marley's.

Eren walked into the apartment, hanging the key onto the hook near the door.

“Hey, babe! Sorry I’m late for dinner!” He yelled down the hall while he took off his shoes. He was exhausted. It was nearly 8pm and he had spent the entire day at the small studio he rented to do his paintings in. It was attached to an art store, and the rent was amazingly low—especially with the opportunity to have any of his supplies refilled right when he needed them.

Eren noticed that he didn’t smell any food. Then he noticed that the lights were out and it was eerily quiet. “Babe?”

Taking out his phone he walked into the open living space. Nothing was turned on. No missed calls or texts.

**E: Hey, babe! I just got home from the studio. Sorry I’m late! Where are you?**

Eren walked into the kitchen area and went to the refrigerator, opening it to see what was inside. Grabbing a beer he went to the couch and turned on the TV to YouTube to catch up on some of the videos he’d missed.

**C: Oh my! I’m so sorry! I completely lost track of time. Ymir and I went to grab coffee after class and then we were chatting and had some dinner since we were both hungry. I’m sorry!**

**E: No worries. I just got home I’ll make a sandwich or something. When do you think you’ll be home?**

**C: Maybe an hour?**

**E: ok! Have fun!**

Eren brought the phone up to his forehead and sighed. _I don’t have any right to get jealous of Ymir. If anything she should be jealous of me. But, it’s been three weeks now and they’ve seen each other nearly every day. Come on. Can I get one day where I’m not competing for Christa’s attention? Like, one day where I can finally propose and give her the ring I’ve been hiding?_ Eren stood from the couch and went back into the kitchen, reopening the fridge. _There’s nothing here unless I want to cook…_ Pulling his phone back out he opened the group text and closed the refrigerator door.

**E: Hey—anyone want dinner?**

**M: What is it?**

**A: Yeah, what?**

**E: I don’t know—that’s why I’m asking…**

**M: Ha, you can come over and I have leftover pasta.**

**A: I have a ton of work that’s due tomorrow or else I’d join.**

**E: Ok, I’ll be over in 5.**

Mikasa lived in apartment the next block over. It was really convenient in moments like this. Eren pulled his shoes back on, sent Christa a text letting him know he was going to Mikasa’s, and locked the door behind him. The weather had turned chilly—it was late October. His jacket wasn’t quite warm enough. He walked down he sidewalk and turned into Mikasa’s building. Walking up the stairs he felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out, noting that Christa sent him a thumbs up. _Ha, what a nerd._ He rolled his eyes and knocked on Mikasa’s door before opening it.

“Why do you knock if you’re just going to immediately open it anyway?” she asked as she walked out of the bathroom, drying her hands on her pants.

Eren rolled his eyes and slipped off his shoes. “Whatever. You knew I was coming. So—dinner?”

Mikasa chuckled softly as she walked into the kitchen and pulled out some tupperware from the fridge. Grabbing some plates she looked at Eren while she doled out the pasta. “Isn’t this the third night in a row that you were supposed to have plans with Christa that got sidetracked because of Ymir?”

“Yeah, but it’s not as if they were important plans…” Eren defended, pouting.

“Really? I thought you were going to propose any day now—when the time is right?”

“Well, the time isn’t right.”

“Exactly. And it won’t ever be right if she’s always with Ymir.”

Eren laughed. “Come on, Mikasa. It’s just that they haven’t seen each other for years and they were really close. I can’t blame them for wanting to spend time together. It’s nice.”

“No, it’s weird.” The microwave beeped and Mikasa handed Eren his plate. “You might need some crushed red pepper.”

Eren grunted, grabbing the spice on the island. He sat down in the bar stool. “Why is it weird?”

Mikasa sighed, placing her plate in the microwave. “Ok think of it this way, you saw Levi almost 3 weeks ago—how many times have you ditched Christa for him?”

Eren choked on his bite of cavatelli. “No way! That’s completely different!”

“Why? They weren’t even as close as you and Levi were. And I know you haven’t seen him at all since then.”

“Exactly! They weren’t as close as Levi and I were. Levi and I had a horrible break up that took me years to get over—thanks, again, for listening to me—and she’s never even kissed Ymir or anything, so…it’s completely different. Plus, how do you know that I haven’t seen him since then?”

Mikasa rolled her eyes as the microwave beeped. “Idiot—you would have told me. Also, he and I are talking now.”

For the second time this dinner, Eren choked on the pasta. “What?! Since when?”

“Since I sat and actually talked with him at the bar that night. He gives pretty good advice if you can get over his irritating attitude.”

“What do you need advice about? I’ll give you advice!” Eren could admit to himself that he felt kind of hurt that Mikasa went to someone else for help. _I’m always here for her—why would she need to go to him?_

“There’s guy that I like—he’s been giving me tips on how to make him notice me.”

“Damn, Mikasa, why didn’t you tell me?! Is it someone I know? How could this asshole NOT notice you? You’re absolutely beautiful!”

Mikasa rolled her eyes again and chuckled. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“Oh.”

“It’s not a big deal. You do know him. But, he doesn’t see me that way, no matter how ‘beautiful’I am.” She had put down her fork for air quotes—Eren didn’t know if she didn’t believe that he recognized her beauty.

It was always difficult with Mikasa. No matter how perfect she was as a friend to him, she had never been anything else. Even in the Titan World—had they not become soldiers they would’ve probably ended up married, regardless of the fact that she was so much more a sister figure. _It’s always been us and Armin, even then. The three of us—like siblings. But, she IS beautiful. Even I recognize that. Who wouldn’t? Wait—Armin. Armin?_

Eren dropped his fork and looked at Mikasa with a look of pure incredulity. “Armin?!”

Mikasa’s face showed her shock. What little color she had drained from it quickly, and her eyes opened as wide as they could. She couldn’t even try to hide this reaction from Eren. They stared at each other for a while until Eren started laughing.

“Stop laughing!”

Eren laughed harder.

Mikasa punched him lightly in the arm, “Come on! Stop it!”

Eren’s laughter gradually subsided, easing off into broken chuckles.

“For real, though, Eren. He doesn’t notice me like that.”

Eren thought about their interactions. All the times he’d been with Armin and Mikasa. _She’s right._ “Then make him notice you like that.” He shot her a glance, stuffing another forkful of pasta and sauce into his mouth.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, think about it. And I’m not saying this is foolproof, that’s obviously not the case…, but he’s known you for so long that in his mind maybe he still sees you as that kid. Show him you aren’t one.”

“What if it fucks up the relationship we have now?”

“It won’t. If it does then the relationship we all have isn’t very stong—and I know that isn’t the case. Worse case scenario: he isn’t into you like that. But at least you’d know and you’d have taken a shot at something worthwhile.”

Mikasa sighed, stabbing another forkful. “Maybe you’re right. I’ve been sitting on this for so long that it’s driving me crazy. At least if I let him know then I’ll know and we can either start something out or I can get over this pining. But what should I do?”

Eren thought about it for a while. “How about we make plans for all three of us to do something and then I cancel last minute so that it’s only the two of you. Would that work?”

“I don’t know—I see him without you now, and it never changed his view of me.”

“Yeah, but maybe for this thing it’s fancy and you have to look gorgeous. OR—hear me out—you could show up to something normal looking drop dead gorgeous and when he comments—you know he will—you can say that you had a date planned but it fell through. You know he’d take you somewhere.”

“That’s pretty manipulative. At some point I’d have to tell him.”

“Yeah, at some point. But not right away. I’d think it was sweet if someone went to those lengths to get me to notice them.”

“Really?”

“Sure. I mean, Christa and I have barely seen in each other in weeks. At this point I wouldn’t care if she manipulated me for some time to spend alone with me.” Eren’s voice had gone soft, and his eyes looked at his empty plate.

“Oh, Eren. I think you were right. It’s just that it’s been a long time since she saw Ymir.”

“I know. I’m not that worried. I just miss hanging out with her.”

At that moment Eren’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out he saw a text from Christa.

**C: Would you mind if I spent the night at Ymir’s? She and I were talking about a movie that she owns and since I don’t have classes tomorrow she invited me over for a movie night.**

Eren did mind. A lot, actually. But he also felt that it was wrong to get jealous of their friendship—after all, here he was hanging out with Mikasa and Christa never complained.

**E: Have fun and enjoy the movie. Love you!**

**C: Thanks, hon! Love you too—and see you tomorrow!**

Eren sighed, and decided to stay for dessert.

* * *

Eren woke to the sun streaming through the blinds. _Shit, I forgot to close them again._ Stretching, he felt his back pop before he decided to roll out of bed. He looked at his phone, which was plugged in and on the nightstand, and saw that it was already after 10am. _Holy shit—I must’ve needed the sleep._

He grabbed his phone and walked to the kitchen, noticing that he hadn’t gotten any texts from Christa yet. Eren thought about what he and Mikasa talked about over dessert. _She’s right—I don’t have to have a perfect time to propose. Proposing is what makes it the perfect time. It doesn’t matter if we’re just here at home in our pajamas. We’re the ones that make the moment perfect, it’s not the place._ After that talk he had decided to ask her today. He’d been waiting—for the perfect timing, the perfect ambiance…the perfect moment. But how much longer would he wait? _In hindsight, there were a lot of moments that would have been perfect, but at the time they weren’t perfect ENOUGH. And that’s where I have to get over this quest for the perfect moment._

He grabbed himself a mug and went to the coffee maker, thankful that they had a timed machine. He poured himself a cup and went to the couch when he heard the door open.

“Hey babe!”

“Hey. Did you just get up?” Christa’s voice echoed in the hallway.

“Yeah, I must’ve needed the sleep.”

He looked at her walking into the main living area. She, too, went to get a mug of coffee, doctoring hers up with the sweetened creamer they had in the fridge. She walked to the couch and sat next to Eren, his arm automatically sliding around her shoulders.

_This is it, Eren. There’s no time like the present…_

“Hey, babe, there’s something I want to talk with you about.”

Christa looked up at him with a puzzled expression.

Eren smiled, “It’s not something bad—you don’t have to give me that face.”

Christa chuckled. “Ok, what is it?”

“I think we should…” _Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t start it out like this…it IS a question._ Eren cleared his throat. “Rather, would you—”

Christa interrupted his sentence, looking aside. “—I think we should take a break.”

“What?!” Eren was floored. He withdrew his arm from around her and turned to face her. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

She refused to meet his eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

He tried to move to make her look at him, but she kept evading his gaze.

Christa sighed. “It’s just that I’ve been spending a lot of time with Ymir.”

“Yeah? So what? I spend a lot of time with Mikasa and Armin.”

“And she mentioned that she had feelings for me.”

Eren felt like he was on a high-speed roller coaster, his stomach dropped so quickly that he felt nauseated. “So? I love you. You love me.”

“I do, but, I think I might love her, too.” Christa’s voice faded to a whisper.

The nausea was real. Eren started panicking, a feeling that he hadn’t feltin years racing through him.

“But—but—I was going to ask you to marry me!” Eren blurted out, unable to believe that his plans were so derailed.

Christa gasped and looked at him. “I really…need to think about things right now.”

Eren could feel the tears gathering in his eyes. “What were you going to do? Not tell me how you were feeling and let me think it was all fine?” He could feel his anger overtaking the shock.

Christa looked stricken. “I was going to continue on as we have and think about things. I was going to see you and see her and see how I feel about each of you.”

“Right. Does she know you’re thinking about things?”

“Yes—we talked about it last night. Honestly, I never even thought about her or us until that day that you mentioned that she liked me.”

“So—you’re putting this on me?!”

Christa sighed and looked like she was about to cry. Eren’s tears had already spilled over and ran down his cheeks. She finally looked up at him. “No, I’m not—or at least I’m not trying to. I just never thought that was an option.”

“So, I’ve been second choice for over four years? Our entire relationship was because you never thought she was an option?”

“That’s not what I’m saying! Of course you weren’t second place!” Eren could tell he hit a nerve. Christa continued, “I hadn’t seen her in years so she wasn’t even in my mind!”

“But now that she IS an option you’ve changed your mind?”

“Come on—we both know I was second place, too!”

Eren sat back and looked at her intently. “Second place to who, Christa?” His voice was calm.

Christa rolled her eyes. “I have always been second place to Levi! You can’t deny that!”

Eren’s jaw dropped. Sure, after Levi left he had always wondered where he was and how he was doing, but…

“No! No—you don’t get to say that! Because right now I have the ability to talk with Levi—I know where he works, and HAVE I?” Eren’s voice quickly rose, almost to the point of screaming. Christa stood, trying to get an upper hand in the situation. “I haven’t! I could go and see him every FUCKING DAY, but I HAVEN’T!” Eren was yelling now.

Christa looked down at him angrily. “Why haven’t you, Eren? Are you too afraid he’s going to fuck you up and leave you again?! Or are you too afraid that you’ll get too close—you’ll feel too much? Either way you are staying away out of fear—because I bet you WANT to! You want to see him and talk with him! You’re just too afraid to!”

Eren couldn’t believe this. How did the moment when he tried to propose turn into a fight—the worse one they had ever had?

“Fine—maybe I DO want to! But, maybe I’m also happy with you and want to have a life with you and I DON’T want to complicate things by talking to Levi!”

“And I want to see what Ymir and I COULD have!” Christa gasped.

Eren started up at her—her petite stature shaking in anger and realization. “So? That’s it, then, right?” The tears flowed freely from his eyes, making marks along his cheeks.

“I’d still like to see how I feel…”

“No, Christa, you know how you feel. You just said it.” Eren was in shock. _This is a dream. It has to be. There’s no way this is really happening._ Eren felt strangely calm. The choice was made; it didn’t go the way he had planned or the way that he wanted, but it was made.

“So—what do we do now?” Christa whispered, looking down at him, with the tears in her eyes finally spilling over.

“One of us leaves the apartment. That’s what.”

“Huh?!”

Eren stood and walked to the kitchen, filling his coffee back up and taking a seat at the table. “Yeah, we’re done. You want to see what you could have with her and I’m not going to be on the hook while you do that. That’s not fair.”

“You can’t just throw away four years of a relationship, Eren!”

“I didn’t, Christa. You did.” He crossed his arms on the table and laid his head on them. He could hear her soft cries but refused to look.

“But—”

“No. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You already decided. You just hadn’t realized it yet. I’m not going to wait around with the hopes that you’d choose me while I watch you fall in love with her.”

Christa’s crying grew louder.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why didn’t you ask me to marry you before?”

“Do you really think that matters now?” Eren sighed, finally looking at the girl who was now sitting on the couch again, holding her head in her hands and sobbing.

“If we were married—”

“No, you’d still have wanted to try things out with her. We’ve been exclusive for four years. All marriage is, is a piece of paper.” He knew he sounded jaded, but right now he was. _If living together and loving each other hadn’t stopped her feelings then what would that piece of paper have stopped? Nothing, that’s what._

“You can stay at the apartment. I’ll move into my studio. Make sure to contact the landlord and let her know that my name needs to be taken off the lease.”

“But your studio is so small…”

“Yeah, so what? It’s the only place I can go to where I’m not a burden on someone.” Christa finally raised her head and Eren could see the tears had slowed.

“You aren’t a burden…”

Eren sighed.

“I can go. In fact, Ymir mentioned that she had an extra bedroom if anything went wrong between us.”

Eren raised his eyebrow. _I bet she was hoping something would go wrong between us. I never imagined it to be this, though._

Christa stopped, realizing what she was implying. “I’m not saying that she and I would immediately…it’s just that I have a place to stay.”

“So do I—my studio.”

“Are we really going to fight about this? I feel like shit already. You’re getting the apartment.” Christa was almost as stubborn as Eren; he knew it would be a hassle to argue.

“Fine. There’s only a few months left on the lease anyway.”

Christa left the living area and headed back to the bedroom. Eren knew she was going to start packing, but he didn’t want to be here while she left. That would be too much. “Hey—wait.”

Christa turned and looked as she reached the bedroom door.

“Let me get dressed and get out of here. You can take your time.” She nodded at Eren’s words and moved aside so he could walk past her into the bedroom. A few minutes later he was dressed and walking to the door.

“I’m sorry, Eren.” Christa looked at her feet, unable to meet his eyes.

“Yeah, me too,” he sighed as he walked to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He heard the bedroom door close behind him. “Fuck.”

* * *

An hour later he was with Mikasa and Armin in Armin’s apartment. They sat around the table and tried to console Eren.

“That’s it. We’re going to go out tonight.” Mikasa sounded like she was going to force the issue. Eren and Armin looked at each other and then back to her. “Come on! It’s been a while since we were all single, and I think going out and having fun would really help Eren’s mood.”

“Mikasa, no matter where we go, I’m sure my mood will be shit.” Armin chuckled, even though Eren was sure he agreed with him.

“What about if we go to Marley’s and you can chat with Levi?”

Eren’s heart started beating quickly at the prospect of seeing Levi and actually talking with him. _Still, though, I can’t just pretend that this morning didn’t happen because I have the opportunity to see Levi._ “I don’t know, Mikasa. Even then, I’m not really in the mood to socialize.”

“Ha, socialize? With Levi?—he’s probably the only person who you wouldn’t have to socialize with—other than us, of course.”

Eren sighed, recognizing that there was no way he was going to get out of this. “Fine—we’ll go to Marley’s.”

“And before that we’re going to get you some new clothes.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, shopping for stuff that makes you look good will make you feel better.”

Eren started chuckling. “Ok, ok, we’ll get me ONE new outfit, Mikasa. One.”

* * *

Later that night Eren was standing in a skin tight black t-shirt and a deep green V-neck sweater. His jeans were a dark blue, almost black, with just a hint of fray at the hems. His hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and he felt—stiff…uncomfortable…not prepared. _Why do I feel so anxious? These clothes are great—Mikasa didn’t force me to change my style or anything. On the other side of this door is Levi. How do I look—does it even matter? I just got out of a 4 year relationship in a really shitty way…why am I so nervous about seeing him? I should be at home._ Eren sighed. _Here goes nothing._

Eren opened the door to Marley’s and immediately looked to the bar. He didn’t see Levi. He instantly felt a bit calmer and more like himself. He looked around the room and saw Mikasa and Armin at a table. It didn’t surprise him that they were there before him. It took him a while to get ready. When he had gone back to the apartment most of Christa’s stuff was already gone. It was a shock to see the little touches of Christa erased from their home. He had cried for a while before a text from Mikasa reminded him of their plans. He was almost sure his eyes were still little red—at least they had been when he left the apartment.

Eren walked over to the table and sat next to Armin. He looked over at Mikasa and his jaw dropped. “Holy shit—you look amazing!”

Mikasa huffed and looked away. “Thanks.”

Eren looked between hem and could feel the tension. “Uh, so what’s up here?”

Armin cleared his throat, “I told Mikasa how beautiful she looks and she yelled at me.”

Eren chuckled. “Come on, Mikasa, you do look beautiful.”

“Maybe, but Armin’s never told me that before so it was weird.” Eren looked at her, noticing that her cheeks were a little flushed.

Armin looked down and blushed. “Just because I never said it doesn’t mean I never thought it.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot up… _This is a new development._ “Ok, well, she’s gorgeous. We all know it. Now she just needs a boyfriend.” Eren laughed internally at the glare Mikasa gave him. _Maybe that’ll push Armin to move._ “I’m going to get a drink. What do you both want?”

Armin decided on a beer while Mikasa went with vodka and tonic. Eren walked over to the bar, still not having seen Levi. _Maybe he isn’t working tonight. It’s Saturday, but it’s not very busy yet, maybe he’ll come in later._ Eren ordered their drinks and was standing by the bar waiting when the door opened and four people walked in. Levi was talking with someone who was kind of androgynous. They could be a masculine looking woman or a feminine looking man. Their hair was brown andpulled into a wild updo. Their glasses were square framed and fit their face well. _Who is that? Is Levi seeing someone?_ Eren’s mind began analyzing the interactions between the two. _Damn, Levi looks good. He’s letting them touch him, but it’s not like he’s seeking out the touch. If anything it seems like he’s resigned to it._

The bartender got Eren’s attention and he turned with the drinks for the table. He finally realized that the other two who came in with Levi were Erwin and— _that must be Mike._ Eren raised his eyebrows and nodded in acknowledgement when the group saw him as they walked to the bar.

“Eren! It’s good to see you again so soon,” Erwin said. “You remember Mike, right?”

Eren nodded. The androgynous person was staring at him before loudly asking, “You’re Eren?! Leevee, is this Eren?” Eren looked around, unsure of how to respond to that.

Levi clicked his tongue. “Tch—yes, idiot, you heard Erwin say his name. This is Eren.” Levi looked up at Eren, who felt like the room had silenced. “Eren, this is Hange, they are a pain in my ass.”

Eren nodded at Hange—taking note the use of the pronouns, but the lack of information as to who this Hange was to Levi. Someone he willingly spent time with.

“Hey, all. It’s nice to see you again, Mike, and nice to meet you, Hange. I’m going to go over to the table we commandeered.” Eren nodded in way of a farewell, but Erwin was having none of it.

“Armin and Mikasa are here, too? Why don’t we all sit together? We’ll find a larger table.”

Eren couldn’t find a way out of it. “Uh, sure. We’re over here.” He walked through the growing throng of people to their table and noticed that the one next to it was much larger and unclaimed.

Erwin must have noticed the same, since he suggested to Armin and Mikasa—after a short greeting—that everyone move to the larger table. Eren sighed and put the drinks down. _There goes my quiet night having fun with friends. Now I get to watch Levi and Hange talk while I sit and drink my beer._ And, man, could he hear Hange talk. Levi responded in monosyllabic answers, but Hange was definitely a fan of talking.

“So, Eren—how long have you been in the city?” Hange asked him, while Levi glared at them from the side. Everyone quietly waited for him to answer—seemingly surprised that Hange would be the first to interact.

“Hmm, going on 5 years or so? After I graduated I moved here since there were better opportunities and more of an art scene.”

“Yes! I love your work! We need to talk about it sometime. The paintings and drawings are so realistic, it’s almost as if you actually remember.” Eren was flabbergasted by Hange’s choice of word. Remember. They went on, “I study neurobehavioral sciences, specifically past-life memories and near-death experiences.”

Eren stared at them. “Uh, yeah, we’ll talk sometime.” _Could they really remember? I remember Hange—they look a little different from the Titan World version, but that could be due to the glasses and the way they are dressed._

Hange looked at him and smiled, “I look forward to it, Eren.”

Levi rolled his eyes, “stop harassing him. He doesn’t want to talk about your woo woo shit.”

“Levi! It isn’t woo woo shit! I’m seriously studying these phenomena—by using scientific research! Not some crazy ass superstition.” Levi gave them a flat stare, causing them to stop talking.

Eren noticed that Armin, Mikasa, Erwin and Mike were in their own conversation about a case that Erwin was leading and Armin was interested in. Levi sighed and stood. “I’ll grab us all some beer. Anybody want anything else?”

Mike spoke up, “I think that’ll work for now. Thanks, Levi.” Levi nodded and walked to the bar. Eren stood and followed him.

“Why are you following me?”

“That’s a lot of drinks to carry. I thought I’d give you a hand.”

Levi grunted at the thought. “So, how have you been?”

“Better.”

“Oh, is that so? Sorry. Where’s Christa tonight?”

Eren couldn’t meet his eyes. “Uh, well, she’s not…here. In fact, I’m not sure where she is.”

“What does that mean?”

Eren looked at him, anger flaring at being forced to explain it. “We broke up you dumb ass.”

Levi looked shocked. _Maybe I should’ve phrased that better._ “Oh, I see. I’m sorry. I thought you two were cute together.”

Eren sighed, “Whatever, Levi. Let me help you lug these to the table.” He could tell that Levi kept on glancing at him from the corner of his eyes, but he ignored it. _I’m fine. I’m not going to freak out and ruin everyone’s night. I’ll leave before that happens._

When they got back to the table it grew silent. Eren could guess what they had been talking about since Erwin and Mike looked at him sympathetically. Hange, however, looked at him shrewdly, as if they were judging Eren. They nodded at him and grabbed a beer.

Eren was in for a long night.


	9. I Hope You're Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hange and Eren make plans and Eren and Levi have a little heart to heart.

Eren was drunk. It had been so long since he had actually drank more than a beer or two. The night began with pitchers of beers, but with Hange’s insistence, they all quickly moved to shots and mixed drinks. The group had moved into the cushioned corner booth after some people left, and the conversation turned more philosophical. Eren was surprised that Levi was participating, and he couldn’t take his eyes off the beautiful man. The dim lights of the bar made his dark hair shimmer. _He doesn’t look like he aged much at all. Ha—of course that could be because he hadn’t gotten any taller._ Eren did notice, however, the way that Levi’s shoulders had broadened and easily filled out the shirt he was wearing. _Fuck—he must work out…_. Eren looked up to see Levi looking at him quizzically. Eren diverted his eyes, not ready for that conversation, and turned to Hange to see them looking at him like prey.

“Hey, Eren~” Hange trilled, obviously drunk off their ass.

Eren smiled. “Yes, Hange?”

“Tell me about your paintings.”

Eren wracked his brain for the prepared answer. This was something that critics and admirers alike asked him. How does he think of these images? What do the mostly genderless, violent giants convey about modern society? What’s his message? He began to rattle off his generic answer, “The giants are representations of the late stage capitalist world, and their sexless natures talks to the uselessness of the gender binary system.”

Hange laughed loudly and shook their head while staring him down. After a few seconds they asked, “Do you know why I began studying past-life memories?”

Eren looked at them sharply, and then looked around to notice that everyone else was engrossed in a story Mike was telling about some co-workers. He shook his head, looking back at Hange. “No, why?”

“Eren—I remember. When I was little I had nightmares of the things you paint and draw. At first I thought it was a fluke. But then I met Erwin my first year at university and realized that the people I saw in my dreams were real. I soon met Levi and felt like most of our group was complete again.”

Eren looked at them. They were wholly serious, but Eren didn’t know how to respond. He had been hiding this truth since that day when he was four when Levi had shown he had forgotten him. How can he so easily say the truth? How can he open up something that he had hidden for so long?

Hange looked at him, their eyes glazed with alcohol, but still shrewd. “You’re thinking about denying it—aren’t you? I remember you. You were supposed to be Humanity’s Hope. You look mostly the same. Quite a bit taller. Less angry—but that’s good.” They took a drink of their cocktail—Eren thought it was a Moscow Mule.

Eren looked around again, ensuring that nobody was listening. “Yes, I remember.”

Hange’s eyes widened and their face split into a smile.

Eren leaned toward Hange and begin whispering. “When I first met Levi he was my neighbor and I was four. I remembered who he had been and I rushed to him, so excited to see him again. But, he didn’t remember me. That taught me that I was the only one. I hid it. Even when I met people I had known, I had to act like I didn’t know them. That’s probably for the best since people are different this time around, but it’s been hard.”

Hange nodded. “A similar thing happened with me and Erwin. I ran to him and saluted and called him Commander. He looked at me like I was insane—I’m sure they think I am. Hell, even then they thought I was!” Hange laughed. “But, he didn’t know me.”

Eren nodded his head slowly. “You do look a bit different this time.”

Hange threw back their head and laughed loudly. “Ha, so much of my look was uniform and big goggle glasses. Here I feel as if I have more freedom to be who I really am. I can choose to be feminine or masculine, and don’t have a specific place I have to fit. Usually, though, I’m most comfortable in my lab coat.” 

Eren smiled. “I know what you mean about freedom. Here the weight of the world and the survival of Eldians aren’t on my shoulders. I can succeed or fail all on my own without the responsibility of other people’s lives. It’s so freeing.”

“As free as flying through the air in 3DMG?”

“HA! I don’t think anything is as freeing as that.”

“You know, I remember the schematics for it and I’ve been thinking about making one!”

Eren’s eyes widened. He instinctually looked over at Levi, excited at the possible prospect of seeing him fly again. “How would you get all the material?”

“Well, it won’t look as pretty, but most of the stuff can be bought at well-stocked hardware stores. All I’d have to do is weld shit together.”

Right at that moment Levi leaned over and whispered loudly to Eren and Hange. “I swear, if I have to listen to another story about this woman Mike’s in a feud with…”

Eren looked at Hange, thinking. “Levi, do you like heights?”

Levi, his eyes also glazed from the alcohol he’d been drinking, looked perplexed. “That’s a weird question that doesn’t have anything to do with what I just said…”

Eren laughed. “Sure, but it has to do with what Hange and I were talking about.”

Hange threw back their head and laughed again. “Right—you did always love him. He had the best form. Mikasa was a close second, though.”

Levi looked really confused now. “What the fuck are you talking about, shitty four-eyes? You just met him and Mikasa.” Levi grabbed his drink, some tropical colored cocktail, and began sipping it while looking at Eren over the rim. “Heights don’t bother me.”

Eren and Hange shared a grin. “Of course not, how could they?” Eren asked while Hange chuckled into their drink.

Hange looked up at Eren, “So, does that mean it’s a go?”

Levi looked a little worried. “What the fuck are you two up to?”

Hange answered. “I have an idea for a set of…umm…retractable grappling hooks…that allow you to basically fly through the air. Well, as long as you have something that you can hook on to. So, we’ll have to experiment in the forest, I think.”

Eren nodded along in drunken excitement. “This is a great idea—why hadn’t I thought of it before?”

Hange nodded enthusiastically. “I’d been on the team that helped with the upgrades to the 3DMG, so I have really strong memories from all of the hours I put in.”

Levi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his left forefinger and thumb. “I knew I shouldn’t let you talk to him, you fucking idiot. I had a feeling, but I figured it was for other reasons, and not your crazy experiments.”

“Ooh! Eren! Will you help me with my research?!”

Levi sighed again. “Don’t do it. I did a hypnosis session with them once and it fucked up my sleep for months. I don’t know what I said, and I don’t remember what my mind came up with, but I’ll never do it again.”

“I told you that you could listen to it. I recorded the entire session!”

“No, if it bothered me that much subconsciously I’d rather not deal with it consciously, thanks.”

Hange and Eren nodded, both of them understanding the weight that came with their memories.

Eren looked at Hange, “Sure, I’ll help.” They shared their contact information and Hange asked to get out of the booth to go to the restroom.

 _Fuck, now I’m alone with Levi—well, kinda—and I’m drunk enough to have little filter._ Eren was surprised when Levi started talking.

“Hey, brat. I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I didn’t know and it made me feel like shit. I just wanted to let you know that it wasn’t done intentionally to make you feel bad, you know?”

Eren was caught by the deep timbre of Levi’s voice. _Wow—he actually apologized._ “It’s ok. How would you have known? It only happened today.” Eren looked at his watch, realizing that it was after midnight. “Well, yesterday, now. She packed up her stuff and left.”

“Wait—you broke up with your girlfriend and you came out here the same day? Why the fuck aren’t you wallowing at home?”

Eren chuckled. “Mikasa.”

Levi nodded, “ah.”

It wasn’t until Hange cleared their throat on returning that Eren realized he and Levi had been staring at each other for longer than necessary. Eren felt the blood rush to his face as he looked away. _Shit. I haven’t blushed in years. Why does he always make me a flustered mess?_ Eren noticed that Levi moved to allow Hange back in the booth. Then Levi turned to him.

“Want to go to my place?”

“WHAT?” Eren practically yelled. He turned and noticed that everyone was looking at him. He blushed again. “Uh, I’m fine. Sorry!” Shaking his head he grabbed his drink and took a swift swallow. He looked at Levi out of the corner of his eye and saw him smirking.

“Get your head out of the gutter, Jaeger.” Levi chuckled. “I meant literally just come over since I doubt you want to go back to your apartment because it’d remind you of her.”

 _That’s true._ Eren opened his mouth about to say that he could go to Mikasa’s when Levi interrupted him.

“Don’t even suggest going to Mikasa’s. I’ve been trying for weeks for her to open up to Alert, there. Now that things are looking like there’s even a little progress, don’t cock block her.” Eren’s head whipped around to the corner, where Mikasa and Armin were sitting and listening to Mike’s ongoing saga of his enmity. Eren noticed that Mikasa was leaning into Armin and his arm was on the back of the booth, nearly touching her shoulders.

“Do you really think…?” Eren’s mind was too buzzed to really comprehend the meaning of their seating arrangement, but Levi nodded and finished off his drink.

“Yes, I really think. He’s been ogling her all night, and she’s preening at it. It’s good. Let them be.”

Eren nodded, guessing that Levi’s analysis was right. “Ok. How far do you live? Can we walk or do we have to call a cab?”

“We can walk. I’m only about 3 blocks away.” Levi stood and grabbed his jacket from behind him. “Hey everyone. Jaeger and I are leaving.” Every eye at the booth turned to them, looking shocked. Well, all except Hange, who’s eyes looked pleased.

Erwin was the first to reply. “Ok, well, be careful.” Levi nodded. Eren looked at Mikasa and Armin and was surprised to see them looking at each other. He was expecting Mikasa to protest him leaving with Levi. _I guess she’s fine with it._

Eren grabbed his jacket, too, and stood up, towering over Levi. Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance and shook his head as they started to walk out of the bar.

“When the fuck did you get so damn tall?” Levi asked.

Eren figured it was a rhetorical question, but he answered anyway. “When I was 18 I had a huge growth spurt. Grew nearly 6 inches that year.”

“Shit. How tall are you now?”

“I’m 6’3”.”He looked down at Levi and figured that in this time he was about 5’5”, taller than in Titan World, but still considered short for a man. _I guess some things don’t change. He’s still as gorgeous as ever. And he’s stuck with he same haircut. I couldn’t imagine him with it any other way, actually._

The three block walk to Levi’s apartment was made silently. Eren felt as if they were sizing one another up. The cold air had sobered them a bit, and Eren wondered if Levi regretted asking him over.

As they got to a building that had several levels, Levi opened a door and walked into a foyer, He immediately went to the stairs, even though there was an elevator right there. “The elevator is slow as shit. It’s faster for me to walk up the four flights of stairs.”

Eren chuckled, finding it funny that Levi had anticipated his question. They walked up the stairs to the fourth floor and Levi opened the stairwell door, pulling out a key. “Mine is 403. Take off your shoes when you get in.”

Eren smiled, “aye-aye Captain.”

Levi looked at him quickly out of the side of his eye as he unlocked the door. Eren chuckled again, louder this time.

“Are you making fun of me?”

“Ha, no. I just find it funny how little you’ve changed.”

“Shit, Jaeger. I’ve changed a lot and I have the therapy bills to prove it.”

The mood dropped considerably, and Levi looked as if he had said too much.

“It’s cool. I went to therapy, too. When my parents died.” Eren said this nonchalantly while taking off his shoes and hanging up his jacket.

The silence was deafening. He looked at Levi, who looked as if he had just been slapped in the face.

“Your parents died?”

“Yeah, a few years ago. It was really tough, but Mikasa’s family unofficially adopted me.”

They were still standing in the hallway, and Levi was looking up at him.

“How old were you?”

“Almost 21. It was a car accident.”

“Fuck. I’m so sorry.” Levi began moving into the heart of the apartment, turning on lights as he went.

“Yeah, it sucked. But, you’d know, right?” Eren realized he may have just stepped in a hornet’s nest. _Why can’t you filter what comes out of your mouth?!_

Levi looked back at him. “Yeah, I know. Come on in—get out of the doorway.”

Eren walked into the apartment, noticing that it was set up in a similar way to his—except much sleeker. Everything was clean lines and minimal. _I shouldn’t be surprised. He always hated clutter._

Levi walked into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. He looked back at Eren, who moved and sat in a stool near the island. Eren watched him, noticing the calm way he moved in his space. _He’s still beautiful—and now that he’s an adult I can see how he’s changed. He’s calmer, thoughtful, even if still bit abrupt and crass. And he still moves so elegantly. I hope Hange really makes the 3DMG—I’d love to see him fly again._

Eren was lost in his thoughts, and Levi cleared his throat to get his attention.

“Ah, sorry. Just zoned out for a second.” Eren felt stupid. What was he doing here?

Levi nodded, “No problem. Do you want some tea? I’m not making anything caffeinated this late—early?—but I wanted to have something warm.”

Eren shrugged, feeling out of place. “Sure, whatever you have is fine.”

Silence filled the room as Levi prepared the mugs. The kettle went off and he poured their drinks, finally turning to Eren.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks, Levi.”

Levi sighed. Eren wondered if he was regretting inviting him over. _Of course he is. He dumped me over a decade ago. If he had really wanted to see me he could’ve contacted me by now._

Eren looked up from his steaming mug— _I think it’s chamomile—_ and looked at Levi, who was watching him in return.

“Why don’t we sit on the couch? It’s more comfortable than that stool.” Levi carried his mug into the living room and sat it down on a coaster that was already in place on the coffee table.

Eren stood and followed him, sitting at the far end of the couch from Levi. He looked around for another coaster and saw Levi pull another out of a drawer that seemed hidden on the end table.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks. “ Eren grabbed the coaster, his fingers brushing Levi’s. He tried not to show how much that little touch affected him. _Fuck. I should leave._ “I should—”

“Don’t you dare say it. Sure, it’s awkward as shit, but we’re both adults now and we can handle being in the same room. Right?”

Eren chuckled. “Right.”

Eren settled down into the couch. It was more comfortable than it looked. He sighed and took a sip of his tea, looking at Levi from the corner of his eye.

“Um, so, thanks for letting me come over. It would’ve been hell at home, now that I think of it. Of course, I’m just delaying the inevitable, but showing up buzzed would be a sure fire way to break down.”

Levi looked at Eren, and he wondered if he said too much. After a few seconds Levi replied, “no, I get it. So…tell me about how you’ve been…shit, I don’t mean, like, what’s happening right now, but, like, what’s happened since…high school.”

Eren almost laughed out loud at the amount of discomfort Levi was emanating.He took pity on him, chuckling as he answered. “Yeah, so high school was rough. I’d actually rather not discuss it…But, college was good. I spent a semester as pre-med and then realized I was doing that more for my dad than for me, so I switched to fine arts with an emphasis on painting. I took two semesters off when my parents died. I went back home to work out the house and everything, and Mikasa’s family basically adopted me! Armin’s moms moved away a few years before that, but they still contact me, too. It’s good to have those connections. It makes me feel more at home—despite the fact that my home is gone, now.”

Eren looked up to see Levi staring. Levi cleared his throat, “You’re parents were…”

“Yeah, I know. They were amazing.”

“They were. I was so jealous of you. You had two supportive parents, who genuinely loved and cared about you.”

“Your mom loved and cared about you. I loved seeing you two interact.”

Eren saw the wistful expression in Levis’s eyes. “Yeah, I just wish she had been around longer.”

Eren nodded in understanding. “I get that. So, what about you?”

“Uh, high school was terrible. The kids loved to pick on the short new kid, so I had to fend for myself. Kenny was a mess as a parent. He tried—he still does try—but he’s total shit at it. College was fine. I realized that I really like research, so I went on to get my Masters and PhD. I met Erwin again and met Hange. They talked me into therapy—which I wasn’t keen on, but it really has helped with my anger issues, if not my cynical outlook.”

Eren nodded, paying attention to the body language and ease with which Levi spoke about himself. _What a huge change from before. He didn’t really open up to anyone. I felt that he, Hange, and Erwin were close friends, but I really felt that they were the ones initiating the friendship. Now, he talks as if they are less of a nuisance—at least when they aren’t around._

Eren looked at Levi, who was taking a sip of his tea. He knew what he really wanted to ask him, but wasn’t sure if this was the time or place to do it. He cleared his throat, causing Levi to look over at him, his head tilted a bit.

“Um, have you ever…”

Levi sighed and shook his head. “If you’re going to ask if I ever fell in love or anything the answer is no, Eren. Nah—I’m too messed up inside, too selfish, and too stubborn to be any good at relationships. I wouldn’t put anyone through that.”

“Haven’t you dated at all?” Eren knew that this may be the only time that he felt the courage to ask Levi these questions. Who knew what the light of dawn would bring to their friendship, but right now, at nearly 2 am, with the lights from the city shining through the sheer curtains of the living area, Eren felt brave.

“Dating. Hmm…do hook ups with the same person more than once count? If so, sure, I’ve dated a few guys. If not, then no. Dating is really for people who are testing out relationships—how compatible you are, how you can handle being in that person’s space. I’m not in it for relationships. I’m not relationship material.”

Eren was struck by the matter-of-factness in Levi’s voice. Levi wasn’t upset by what he said, he sounded accepting. He hummed to himself and nodded, feeling bad about Levi’s outlook, but not wanting to contradict Levi or his perception.

Levi took another sip of his tea, and looked at Eren. “What about you?”

“Me? I mean, you know how it turned out with Christa.”

“Yeah, but what about before her?”

“Ah.” Eren thought about it. “Well, I dated a few girls in high school. People were surprised about me dating girls after…well…you, but I was never really serious about them. I knew I was going to head off to college and the city, and I didn’t want to become stuck in our town.”

Levi hummed, accepting the answer. He finished his tea and stood up, walking to the kitchen and washing his cup. Eren drank his and followed Levi to the kitchen, knowing that their discussion was over. _That’s ok, though. I feel like we could go back to actually become friends—without the awkwardness I’d expected._ Levi held out his hand for the cup and Eren gently placed it in his waiting palm.

“I really am sorry, you know?”

Eren wasn’t sure what Levi was sorry about. Bringing up Christa earlier? Or, less likely but possible, how things went down over a decade ago. Either way Eren forgave him. If it was the former, Levi hadn’t known. If it was the latter—it’s been over 10 years and Eren came to terms with it during that time.

Eren cleared his throat, “Thanks. It’s ok. Really.” He smiled at Levi, who had turned to him after washing the cups and putting them in the dish strainer. Levi smiled in return, just a small lift to his lips.

“I’m going to grab you some blankets. Sorry that the only place to sleep is the couch.”

“Ha, no problem! It’s not the first time I’ve slept on a couch. I’m going to run to the bathroom before I go to bed.”

“Right. There’re some extra toothbrushes in the right hand drawer.”

“Got it—thanks.”

Eren walked down the hall to the bathroom. After relieving himself and washing his hands he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were still a bit bloodshot, but they weren’t as bad as they had been. He found the drawer Levi mentioned and pulled out a toothbrush box. _Am I surprised Levi has a drawer fully stocked with travel accessories for people?_ He chuckled to himself as he brushed his teeth, some of the foam running on his chin. He heard a knock at the door and looked up to see Levi standing in the doorway. Eren hurriedly wiped his chin, but not before he saw a small smirk on Levi’s face.

“Hey, that’s a great look for you…”

Eren rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, I left you some blankets and a pillow on the couch. I’m heading to bed. If you need anything my door is the one on the left. I’m up pretty early, but if you want to leave in the morning and I’m not up, that’s fine.”

Eren nodded and wished Levi a good night. After washing his face he walked out to the living room and saw the couch set up with blankets and a pillow. _Ha! He said he left me blankets and a pillow. He literally made the couch up for me._ He climbed into the bedding and quickly felt sleep start to overtake him.

* * *

Eren jerked awake with tears in his eyes. Reality hit him as his dream faded. He and Christa were at their wedding and she had turned to him before the ceremony and told him that she was going to marry Ymir, who walked out in a white tuxedo, while Eren fell to the ground, his own tux suddenly disintegrating. _What a fucking terrible dream. But what woke me up?_ He looked around and noticed a shadow in the kitchen who was opening a cupboard. Eren sat up and turned on the lamp that was on the end table. Levi turned, surprised, and cursed.

“Shit—sorry I woke you up. I’m dying of thirst here.”

“It’s ok, I was having a horrible dream, so I’m better awake.”

Levi hummed at Eren’s response. “Want to talk about it?”

“I already don’t remember much, but it was about Christa leaving me.” Eren’s voice hitched and he noticed Levi pulled out another cup and filled it with water. He walked over and handed it to Eren.

“Thanks.” Eren moved to the end of the couch, allowing Levi room to sit.

“You know—I never wanted to hurt you.” Levi’s voice was quiet and Eren strained to hear him.

“You didn’t? Well, you sucked at that.” Eren and Levi both chuckled, realizing that the decade had eased the pain.

“Yeah, I really thought that you were better off without me, and I hurt you to push you away because I knew that you wouldn’t leave on your own.”

Eren sighed, “You’re right. I wouldn’t have—even if you really were bad for me—which you weren’t.”

Levi sighed, too. “Well, at that point I was so fucked up. I was angry and hurting, and those aren’t excuses for how I treated you. It’s just the reality of how I felt. But once I moved to the city you remained in my mind. Things would happen and I would immediately think about you. I’d see someone with hair the same color as yours and my heart would speed up. I’d hear from Erwin occasionally and I’d wonder how you were doing, although he never told me. He said I didn’t deserve to know—and I think he was right. But, damn, I hoped for you. I hoped that you were as happy as you could be. I hoped that you got the happiness you deserved. I hoped that you had a reason to smile and laugh every day.”

The tears that remained in Eren’s eyes from his dream began spilling out at this information.

“I just wanted you to be happy, even if you weren’t mine. Especially since I didn’t deserve you.”

Eren sighed and nodded. “I get it.”

“Seeing you walk into the bar was a great moment for me. You were smiling and laughing and energetic—it’s as if all of those hopes had manifested.”

“And look at me now. Dumped by the woman I love while I was proposing. What the fuck?”

“Yeah, even if she’s happy with the other girl, one day she’ll realize what she missed out on.”

Eren smiled sadly. “But, I don’t want her to feel sad. Not really. Sure, I’m upset now, but she really did mean so much to me. I can’t just turn that off.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Eren looked up to see Levi looking at him.

“So, are we going to be friends now? If I stop by the bar on occasion, will you be open to talking with me?”

Levi chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, it looks like you and Hange hit it off—so I’m sure they’ll drag you around to things.”

Eren laughed, thinking about Hange and the plans they had made already. “Yeah, but that won’t bother you?”

Levi shook his head again. “No, we’re older. We aren’t the same kids that we were. I think we could be friends.”

Eren nodded. “I’d like that.”

Levi smiled and grabbed the empty glasses to take them back to the kitchen. “Well, this was productive, but I’m going to try and get some more sleep. If you want more water I’ll leave your cup here by the sink.” Levi turned and walked back to the hallway. Eren watched his retreating form.

“Thanks, Levi,” he said as he turned the light back off.


	10. Flying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi try out Hange's invention.

Levi

Levi stood at the counter, wiping down the empty bar. The glasses were washed, it was only 2pm, and he had already taken care of everything he needed to do, so he put down the rag and pulled out his laptop. _At least I’m facing the door. I can easily put it out of sight if I need to._ He was at the stage of his writing where everything was done on the laptop. It wasn’t as convenient as carrying his notebook and documents, since his boss might think that he was slacking at the counter with a laptop open.

He sighed, looking down at his chapter again. _I’m going to need to revise this._ The last time he really had any inspiration to write was the night after Eren stayed over. _I actually enjoyed that night._ Levi had been surprised at that. _I don’t know why I was so surprised. We were friends for years until I blew him off twice._ He couldn’t help thinking about that morning, when he walked out into the living room and it was empty. He was disappointed. He had been secretly hoping that Eren would still be there, his bedhead looking crazy, ready for a shared breakfast. Instead he found the blankets and sheets neatly folded and stacked on the end of the couch. _Well, he did leave me his number. So—friends. I can do that._ When he had seen Eren’s number on a sticky note attached to the fridge his heart gave a little squeeze. He immediately pulled it up and sent one text: his name.

After exchanging numbers Eren began texting him regularly. It was mostly little play-by-play accounts of his day that Levi didn’t even respond to, but occasionally he would send something that would linger in Levi’s mind. _Like the picture from yesterday of him without a shirt on and in a strange harness. Was he zip-lining? Rock climbing? Who took the picture? He was smiling so big that it must be someone he likes._ Levi shook his head, trying to focus on his work again.

The door chimed and he closed his laptop before he looked up. Hange was walking in and taking their coat off as they moved to a barstool.

“Hey, short stuff.”

Levi nodded while rolling his eyes. They were never going to stop harassing him because of his height, were they? “What do you want, shit-for-brains?”

“Uh, a lager, I guess. I’m waiting for someone who’ll be here soon.”

“Who?”

“A prospective investor.”

Levi chuckled. “An investor? Into what? Your harebrained ideas about past lives? No wait—did you finally make that machine that can sense ghosts?”

Hange smiled, smug. “No, I made a flying harness. You can put it on and it has retractable hooks. I’m thinking of making it part of an adventure package. Like, bungee jumping, or zip-lining, or hang gliding. Of course, it could even be fun for team-building exercises.I’ve been working on the prototype for the past two months and just had Eren run the course. You should see him! Zipping from post to post. At first I was thinking we should stick to trees, but I really think that stand-alone posts might be useful, too. I was worried about the ecological impact of—”

“—Eren has been helping you?” Levi interrupted. Now the shirtless picture made sense.

“Yeah,” Hange said, a dreamy look in their eyes. “Isn’t he the best? Like, he’s so open and carefree. I wasn’t expecting that, I guess.”

 _Fuck. Does Hange like Eren?_ Levi had never paid attention to Hange’s sexual orientation before. There were some people who Hange got along really well with, both male and female, but he hadn’t really cared until now. _Shit. Am I jealous?_ All he could remember was the picture. Eren’s smile was so happy that it was obvious he was with someone he like. But did he like Hange THAT way?

“What were you expecting, then?”

“Hmm, based on what you told me? A kid who was stubborn and kind of self-involved.”

“Huh? Why would you have gotten that impression?”

“Well, from what you’ve said while you were drunk that’s what I was expecting. But, he’s not like that at all. He’s a bit stubborn, sure, but it’s more like it’s a determination. He wants to succeed at what he’s doing. And he always tries his best. As far as self-involved, I think maybe all teens are like that, so I shouldn’t be surprised if he grew out of it.”

Levi was hanging on Hange’s every word, trying to decipher if his best friend had romantic feelings for Eren.

Hange looked up from their beer and smiled, “Plus, he’s totally hot. Like, I can see why you pined for him all of those years.”

Levi scowled and choked out, “I didn’t PINE after him.”

Hange laughed, their eyes mischievous, and replied, “Sure, sure. My bad, you totally weren’t pining. Even though most of the guys you hook up with look like some version of him. Right?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You think I hadn’t noticed the type of guy you leave here with? Tan, brown hair, and bright eyes.You definitely have a type.”

Levi was confused. Did he really…? “Fuck, you’re right. I never even noticed.”

“No worries, my love. I know if there was a competition between us for his affection I would come in second.” Hange’s eyes sparkled.

“There’s no competition. He and I are only friends.”

Hange lit up, a sly smirk on their face. “Ah, so it’s no biggie if I ask him out?”

Levi turned his head in irritation. “Of course not, but it seems as if you two are getting along really well as friends. Would you want to jeopardize that?”

“Hmm.” Just then the door chimed and a woman in business attire came in. Hange looked up and saw her, nodding. “Ok, we’re going to have to chat later, shrimp. I’ve got business to do.”

After taking their orders, Levi waited for the food, thinking about what Hange had said. _Shit—I totally have been after guys that look kind of like Eren. Or at least how I expected Eren might look. After seeing him now, as an adult, I can admit it, right? He’s hot. But, he’s also my friend, and only my friend. Why would he want to get involved with me again? We both know how shitty I am in relationships. And the hook ups I’m used to would seem like such a waste to do that with him. I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship with a meaningless hook up._ Once the food was up he walked it to the booth where Hange and the woman were sitting.

“Thanks, Levi. Ms. Azumabito here was wondering if we could give a demonstration of my harness. Would you be willing to help?”

“Uh, I’ve never done it. Why not have Eren do it?”

“That’s the point, Levi. She wants to see a noob do it.” Hange rolled their eyes. “She’s seen a video of Eren doing it, but there will be a lot of people who start without any experience, so if you show then it gives her a better indication of the learning curve.”

Levi nodded, understanding where this was going. “Sure. I’ll help.”

“Thanks Levi!” Hange screeched, excited at the prospect.

Ms. Azumabito smiled and thanked Levi for understanding. After deciding on a date for a demonstration, Levi walked back to the bar. _So, I’ll finally get to see what Hange and Eren have been working on._ He smiled slightly at the idea of being a part of their group.

* * *

The wind blew through his hair—the harness bit into his legs, causing discomfort. But what really astounded him was the sense of freedom. The sense of flying.

An hour earlier he had met up with Hange and Ms. Azumabito at a wooded location to the east of the city. The trees were huge conifers, at least 150 feet tall. There was some sort of scaffolding with a stand where Eren was waiting, already in his harness, ready to show Levi how to do it. Levi had put on the harness, with a deftness that made it look almost natural, and went up the scaffolding to where Eren waited.

Eren looked him over quickly, making sure that the harness was on correctly and tightly. Levi’s breath caught when Eren’s hands skimmed up his thighs to make sure everything was tight enough. Levi looked down to see that they were about 40 feet above Hange and Ms. Azumabito. Eren, done with his safety check, gave his approval and started telling Levi how to move, deploy the grapples, and change directions. Levi listened carefully, feeling as if the situation were wrong. He should be the one training Eren, right? He felt unsettled, unable to shake off the feeling that this entire situation was off. _Why would I feel that? Eren’s done this before and I haven’t. He’s the pro—well, as pro as you can get with a new extreme sport._ Levi was a bit disgruntled to see that he was going to be attached to a safety line, while Eren was able to fly free. _That only makes sense, though, right? I’ve never done this and I’m 40 feet up in the air._ The safety line was like a zip line, but instead of having any slope it was straight. It would allow him to go thought the course and use the grapples, without allowing him to fall. _This is probably how most people will run the course, I guess._

He watched Eren launch—going straight up to at least 65 feet high, his back arching as the hooks grabbed into a tree at least 25 feet away. _It’s like he’s Spiderman, but without swinging so much. It’s amazing. He’s beautiful._ Eren whisked through the trees, going higher and higher, farther and farther. Levi strained to keep an eye on him, since he was getting farther away and moving quickly between giant pines. He heard a ring from ahead of him, and realized that was the cue that Eren had landed and finished the course. _Ok, once I hear two rings together I can go when I’m ready._ Levi looked up to make sure that his safety harness was attached to the safety line, and waited for the signal. _There it is! Two rings!_ Levi jumped.

* * *

Eren

Watching Levi gracefully and aggressively fly through the trees was like actually seeing his Captain from back then. It was the most beautiful thing Eren had ever seen in this lifetime. The ferocity, the grace, the determination. Eren waited on the ending platform, looking at Levi’s perfection. If he squinted he could pretend he didn’t see the safety line, could pretend to see Levi’s cape flapping behind him in the wind he created. He could picture the swords in Levi’s hands, ready to take on an errant Titan. _God, how I missed this—and I bet he has, too. He’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. He didn’t even need the safety line. Poor people who are actual noobs. Ms. Azumabito isn’t getting an accurate portrayal of what a new flyer would look like. It was pretty smart of Hange to ask Levi to demonstrate. She’ll invest for sure._ Eren’s thoughts drifted as he watched Levi get closer to the platform. _These past few months have been nice. Texting, learning about who Levi is this time around. As an adult, as a man. He was always one to be responsible for others, to mentor, to supervise, to teach, but here, he’s also taken care of himself. He’s gone to therapy, he’s excelled at school, he’s worked on becoming a better person, not just a better soldier._

Levi landed, perfectly. Not that Eren was surprised. There was a reason Levi was so revered in Titan World. He was the best with only Mikasa, arguably, coming close. Those Ackermans; stoic beauty, amazing soldiers. Always willing to help him, even if they went against what he thought was the best. Always looking out for him. _It was an unconditional love. I never doubted it, not deep down._

Lost in his thoughts he was surprised to look down and see the most beautiful smile on Levi’s face. One that he hadn’t seen in about 13 years. Before Kuchel’s illness, before their strained months together… _bliss. Pure and simple. Happiness at its most genuine._ Eren’s breath caught at the sight. Levi was more beautiful than he had ever seen him. Then or now. His cheeks were flushed from the wind and the excitement. There was a bit of sweat right at his hairline, his face with a light sheen from the unexpected exertion.

Eren opened his mouth just as Levi looked at him, the happiness radiating from his eyes. He shut it again, knowing that Levi was about to say something.

“You remember when we were kids? I was under the tree drawing, as shitty of a drawer as I am…in fact, I was drawing trees that look remarkably like these. Do you remember what you said to me?”

Eren’s heart was beating so loud that he could barely hear Levi. _Does he remember? Did this trigger his memories of the Titan World? But, I don’t REALLY remember what I asked. I was only 4. I just remember the devastation that I felt when I knew he didn’t recognize me._

“Not really. I remember seeing you and being so excited, and then…”

“And then you asked me if I remembered you. You said we flew together. You were so upset when I told you I had no idea who you were.”

Eren’s mouth dropped. _This was it, right? Did Levi remember? How would getting these memories back affect him? The horror of the Titan World, the atrocities they had committed while they tried to do what they thought was best._

“This was it, wasn’t it? I don’t know what you were talking about then. But, I know that THIS was flying. I finally flew with you, Eren. And, God, do I want to do it again.”

Eren laughed and draped an arm around Levi’s shoulders. He could feel Levi’s shoulders tense at the touch, before relaxing after a split second. He was kind of glad the memories remained dormant. Levi had worked on himself in this time, in this world. He didn’t need to come to terms with a man he had been in another time and place.

Looking down at those beautiful features flushed in happiness, Eren realized that he had always hoped for a time like this. Where Levi was open and free. Where Eren was there to witness it.

Levi looked up at Eren and his eyes grew wide. Eren wasn’t sure what Levi saw on his face, in his eyes, but it had left him speechless. Eren looked down, his eyes darting to Levi’s lips, as he licked his own. Levi began to lean up when—

“Hey, Leevee! Great run!” Hange screamed, having finally reached the area below the platform. Levi and Eren both jumped away from one another, realizing that they were caught. Not in the act, but in the precious moments before the act. The ones where what-ifs were born. Levi looked away, and Eren figured he must be embarrassed. Eren wasn’t, though. It hadn’t been his plan to come on to Levi, but the moment had been perfect and it had felt as natural as soaring through the trees. Of course, Levi didn’t remember the times where they met and kissed up in the tree-tops, on giant limbs that could easily hold them both. But Eren did.

Eren looked down at Hange and smiled. “He did great! Didn’t he?”

Hange and Ms. Azumabito nodded, the latter with a look of disbelief on her face. Hange’s face was full of admiration and nostalgia. Even from this high up, Eren could see the sparkle of unshed tears in their eyes. He smiled at them and elbowed Levi to get his attention. “Come on, let’s climb down.” Levi nodded, a look of disappointment covering his face.

“Ok, but you have to promise that the next time you come out here you invite me, too, dammit.”

Eren laughed. “You got it, Captain.”

* * *

Levi

After the excitement of the day, Levi was ready for some food. After they climbed down the platform he made small talk with Ms. Azumabito, who seemed disbelieving that he had never flown the course before. Levi was both flattered and irritated. _Why the fuck do I have to tell her five times that I’ve never done this before. So, I was good, but that doesn’t mean that I’m lying about having done it._ He could tell that Eren was aware of his frustrations and was trying not to chuckle at his discomfort.

Levi finally turned his back on the woman, while Hange took over talking, and rolled his eyes at Eren.

“Thanks for the back up, asshole.”

Eren laughed heartily. “I had already told her you had never been out here. It’s not my fault you kicked ass on the course.”

Levi looked at him and smirked. “I DID kick ass, didn’t I?”

“Absolutely.”

“Don’t forget that the next time you and crazy-glasses over there come out here I’m coming too.”

“It’s a date.”

Levi looked at Eren, wondering about his phrasing. _Fuck. I hope he doesn’t think that it’s REALLY a date. I can’t believe we almost kissed. Thank God for Hange and their timing. It’s usually annoying as hell, but this time it came in handy._

“Let’s go grab something to eat. You can drive. I got a ride here with Hange.”

Eren nodded down at him as they pulled off the harnesses. Removing the belts and buckles felt like returning home after a long day. Levi couldn’t explain it. It was nostalgic and reminded him of something, but he didn’t know what.

As soon as he and Eren got into Eren’s car, he was pleasantly surprised to find it both clean and comfortable. He hummed happily, wondering if Eren was always this tidy or if it was because Eren knew that he would see him today. Even while he was relieved they hadn’t kissed, he couldn’t deny that he hoped the clean car was because Eren had thought of him and his comfort.

Eren started the engine and turned on the radio.

“Windows or AC?”

“Hmm…it’s not that hot yet. Windows.”

Eren lowered the windows and Levi once again felt the air rushing around him, reminding him of flying the course. Eren’s phone chimed.

“Hey, Levi, can you grab that and see who it is?”

Levi reached into the cup holder, where Eren’s phone was nestled, and saw a notification from Mikasa on the lock screen. The privacy was on so he couldn’t see what it was. “It’s Mikasa.”

“Mmm. She probably wants to meet for lunch. I’ll just call and let her know that today isn’t—“

“It’s fine. We can meet her.” Eren called her on the car’s bluetooth and let her know where they’d be if she wanted to meet. Levi was grateful for the company. Now that he was alone with Eren he wasn’t sure he could deal with a lunch alone. Right after a failed kiss attempt. Sure, they had both leaned in, but Levi was aware of how much of a mistake it would have been. _No matter how hot he is, no matter how kind, and smart, and fun…it would end in heartache for the both of us. It’s better to remain as we are._

Levi was roused from his reverie by the soft voice of Eren singing to a song on the radio. _Fuck. I never knew he could sing so well._ It wasn’t overpowering or trying to show off. It was as if Eren wasn’t even thinking about it. Levi just looked at him, staring, until Eren turned and blushed.

“Sorry. I tend to sing in the car. Especially if it’s quiet or just me.”

“Don’t apologize. You have a gorgeous voice.”

Eren blushed harder, the color taking over his face. Levi schooled his own expression. _I need to watch myself. He’s too pretty, he’s too sexy, he’s everything I ever wanted, and I can’t risk it._

Soon they arrived at the restaurant. A little, locally-owned burger place. Mikasa’s car was already there, and Levi noticed her and Armin already seated near windows up front when Eren pulled into the parking lot and turned off the car.

Eren tuned and looked at Levi. “I’m sorry for the awkwardness on the platform. I guess I just got carried away. It wasn’t appropriate, and I hope you can still be comfortable around me.”

Levi was astonished. Here was Eren, who had done nothing, apologizing for a kiss that never even happened. Levi nodded, sure that his surprise showed in his eyes. “Yeah, no biggie. Me too. Flying with you gave me a strange sense of nostalgia and it swept me up.”

“Nostalgia? But we never flew together before…”

“It was more like spending time with you. Having fun. Seeing you laugh. Laughing with you. It reminded me of a long time ago. And then I missed it and had to fuck it up. I’m sorry. And, of course we’re fine. You’re my friend, Eren, believe it or not. I like to talk with you and see you…on occasion.” Levi’s eyes held a hint of teasing with this last statement.

Eren laughed and dropped his eyes. “Thanks, Levi. You too.”

“We should get out before they start to question why we’ve been in here for so long.”

“They won’t even notice. They started officially dating last week, and can’t seem to take their eyes off each other. It’s kinda weird if you ask me. It’s not like they don’t know what the other looks like.”

Levi chuckled but immediately thought of himself. _I could look at you for every hour of every day._

* * *

Lunch was delicious, and Levi was surprised at how well he got along with the trio. Armin was obviously taken with Mikasa, doting on her, while Mikasa was just as obvious in trying to figure out what was going on between Levi and Eren.

As soon as Eren got up to use the restroom, Mikasa pounced. “Hey, so what’s going on between you two?” Armin looked over, too, waiting for Levi’s answer.

Levi took a sip of his water to bide time. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit. There’s tension. I mean, sure, there’s always been a bit of tension, but there’s a LOT of tension now.” Armin nodded.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Levi denied. “Maybe you’ll have to ask Eren. Because even if there is tension on my end, it’s not going to lead to anything. I’m not willing to risk it. He’s a good friend and a good man. And I’m shitty with relationships.” Levi realized he said too much as Mikasa and Armin looked at each other.

Eren came back and sat down, giving Levi the perfect excuse to change the subject, or, better yet, leave for a second to gather his thoughts.

“My turn. I’ll be right back.” Levi stood and headed to the restroom. Once inside he leaned over the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. _Come on, get a hold of yourself. Sure, those are all things I’ve said to Hange and Erwin, but to tell Mikasa and Armin? Fuck. They’ll tell him for sure._ After walking to the urinal, Levi couldn’t keep the idea out of his mind. _I bet they’re talking about it right now. ‘Hey, Eren, Levi really likes you but he’s not willing to try.’ Or, even worse, ‘Hey, Eren, Levi’s a shitty person and you shouldn’t even be his friend since he’s so paranoid about getting hurt that he keeps himself from what he really wants.’ Shit. They wouldn’t go that far, would they? I did break his heart twice. I just need to get laid._ Levi realized he was just standing there, dick out, finished at the urinal. Putting himself away he turned to wash his hands, determined to not let his anxiety show on his face.

* * *

Eren

Levi’s escape to the restroom gave Mikasa and Armin enough time to let Eren know that his attentions hadn’t gone unnoticed. But, it seemed as if Levi was content with the way things were. At least, he wasn’t willing to forge ahead into unknown territory. Eren sighed. He wanted to try. He wanted to get closer. That magnetic pull was still there—had always been there, at the back of his thoughts, and today’s exercise only intensified it.


End file.
